


Two Minutes

by Unusual_Table



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Middle School, Animal Abuse, Brothers, Child Abuse, Coming of Age, Dubious Consent, F/M, Friendship, High School, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Middle School, Mild Smut, Twins
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:33:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 44,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24045196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unusual_Table/pseuds/Unusual_Table
Summary: Jongin was born just two minutes after Kai. It took him a long time to realize he didn’t need to spend the rest of his life trying to catch up.
Relationships: Jung Soojung | Krystal/Kim Jongin | Kai, Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun, Kim Jongin | Kai/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 100
Kudos: 88





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So! Here ware tossing in fic #3 into "how many fics can I get done before the world solves COVID-19?" This is going up sooner than I initially planned because surprise! I'm taking some coursework this summer and fall which means my current full time job as a fic writer will be a tad bit slowed down by real life obligations. As such, beginning this now should give me enough time to finish before I predict my life begins to go back to normal in 2021 and I'm tossed back in to my work-no life balance. :-) 
> 
> For returning readers, yes! This is the fic you may have stumbled upon... five or so years ago on AFF. It's currently unlisted there but I will be posting the 2020 version there... eventually. The story has been reworked a tad bit but odds are you won't notice because I only ever published around... 60% of the story in the past. And the first 50% is essentially the same. 
> 
> For new readers, welcome! You might see the pairings in the tags but I'm telling you right now (as with my other story, Bound by Silver) the focus of this tale is definitely friendship. More specifically, brotherhood. But have no fear! The ships will happen! If you'd like a story where romance takes more of the forefront check out my other story "With Love, From Seoul." ^_^ 
> 
> As per usual: This story is not for sensitive audiences. 
> 
> Without further ado... ENJOY!!!

Jongin looked at himself in the mirror, left heel subconsciously digging in small circles on the rug beneath him.

“Hello. My name is Kim Jong… Jongin. Hello. My name is Kim Jongin.”

The new uniform would take a while to get used to. The gray blazer was exchanged for red, plaid pants exchanged for black, and now for the first time a plaid tie was clamped around his neck. It didn’t look right. None of it looked right. It all looked better on Kai. Maybe now that they were in middle school, the two of them weren’t the same size anymore.

“I live in P-P-Pyeongchang. My neighborhood. Pyeongchang-dong. Uh…”

Or maybe it just looked funny because of the way he stood but no matter how much he straightened his back, rolled his shoulders, or puffed out his chest, it still didn’t look like it did on Kai.

“Hm… I… my hobby is… playing with my pet turtle, Optimus Prime.”

He jerked his head from side to side a bit, watching the way his newly shortened locks landed like a mushroom around the top of his head, ears clearly visible to him for the first time in years. He had trouble falling asleep the night before partly because he didn’t know if the new style looked good on him but Kai said it was fine because he got the same haircut too. The regulations for middle school students were more strict than in lower school.

“Hello. My name is Kim Jongin. I live in Pyeongchang-dong. My hobby is playing with my pet turtle, Optimus Prime. My favorite subject is history. It’s… nice to meet you.”

He jumped when he heard applause from behind him, Kai leaning against the door frame still chewing the last bit of his breakfast.

“That was great, Jongin! Just memorize it like I told you,” he said walking towards him. “But you messed up your buttons…” Kai swatted Jongin’s hands away and realigned his shirt, fastening the buttons much more quickly than Jongin had managed to do earlier since Kai’s hands weren’t trembling.

“What are you going to say?”

“I dunno.” Kai shrugged. “I think I’m just gonna wing it. I mean, it’s the same school with most of the same people, just a different building.” He must’ve gotten a nervous look on his face because Kai quickly added on “but I think I’ll say my hobby is soccer.”

Kai and Jongin were twins but Kai always made sure to point out that he was two minutes older. Sometimes Jongin argued that he was only a minute and a half older and that it wasn’t his fault that his heart decided to not work during the first thirty seconds of what the doctors thought was a life ended before it had even begun.

“Oh… I guess that makes sense. Cool.” Kai smiled at him and lightly patted him on the back.

“We have to leave soon. Did you eat breakfast?”

“Yes.”

Ever since, Kai had taken the role of older brother quite seriously. Whenever Jongin would get sick, which was far too often, Kai would help him get better. Whenever Jongin was nervous about something, which was usually anything that involved stepping foot outside their bedroom, Kai would help him stay calm. Whenever their parents would yell at him, Kai would tell him not to listen. Whenever their parents would hurt him, Kai would do his best to make him feel better. Kai always told him that he was perfect. Sometimes Jongin even believed it.

When Kai left their bedroom he turned back to the mirror.

“Hello. My name is Kim Jongin. I live in Pyeongchang-dong. My hobby is playing soccer. My favorite subject is history. It’s nice to meet you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OTHER STORIES BY UNUSUAL_TABLE
> 
> [With Love, From Seoul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371987/chapters/55999948): Kim Jongin was in search of a better life. His search began with Park Chanyeol. A story told in four acts. [MAFIA!AU - CHANKAI, CHENBAEK, SULAY, KRISHAN]
> 
> [Bound by Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604130/chapters/56642974): Master had three simple rules for Wolf to follow. The first was to never go beyond the fence. The second was to never speak to lodgers. The third was to never respond to the howl of the Mountain Spirits that could be heard on nights of the full moon. [WOLF!AU - SEKAI, BAEKYEOL, LAYHAN]
> 
> [Ghost Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366250/chapters/58764295): After Junmyeon’s life falls apart, he retreats to his family’s small home near Daegu. Sequestered in his little house on the hill, he soon finds himself acquainted with an odd mailman named Zhang Yixing. [THEATRE!AU - SULAY]


	2. Part I: Chapter I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GENERAL CONTENT WARNING: This story is not for sensitive audiences.

As soon as Kai and Jongin stepped out of the car, their hands instinctively found each other’s and wrapped together tightly. It was six-thirty in the morning and the campus of the Oak Hill School was silent in the early morning sunlight, a slight chill in the air that swept colorful leaves past their feet. 

Just like always, the two of them stood still until their driver pulled away from the curb and back through the elegant black campus gates. Kai continued to hold Jongin’s hand as his brother’s eyes swept across the empty green, a precaution he took every single day. It wasn’t until the other convinced himself that no one was there that he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Kai and Jongin had been together since the beginning, or as Kai always liked to say:  _ before _ the beginning. Kai could never really explain it but it felt right being next to Jongin. He loved spending time with his brother and he was always acutely aware of when Jongin wasn’t around. It was because of all this and more that nobody knew Jongin quite like Kai did. Only he had seen Jongin truly laugh freely, pout, complain, or get angry. Few ever saw the brightness of his smile and most rarely ever heard him speak. 

Nothing had to be said right now though. Kai knew that Jongin always wanted to spend time each morning to take in his surroundings, breathe in the fresh air in the absence of observing eyes. Kai knew that Jongin loved the feeling of the wind between his fingers, the smell of freshly cut grass, and the barely there press of sun against his closed eyelids. While most kids their age were always antsy and eager to run and shout and play, Jongin preferred things just like this. Just the two of them. Kai would always make sure his brother had at least this.

In its own way, Oak Hill was like a sanctuary. Kai still remembers their first day there when they were four years old. The beauty of the campus made him forget how nervous he was, all the students walking up and down the steps of the wooden porch, the ruby red accents of their uniforms branding them for success.

Their parents had been proud that day. Both his mother and father had attended Oak Hill as did his grandfathers on both sides along with his great grandmother on his dad’s side, cousins, aunts, and uncles all around too. So of course there was pressure to do well and make friends with all the other children because people from Oak Hill tended to stick together well after graduation. It was quite a daunting thought to Kai. It’s what made him smile even more widely that first day while Jongin had just broken down in tears the second a teacher walked up to them in the drop-off circle to say hello. Their parents hadn’t been happy about that.

They stood in the same drop-off circle now outside the building where all the lower school boys studied. It looked more like a house than a school. There were only about twenty students in each grade there. The girls studied in a similar looking building on the opposite side of the circle but neither of them had ever ventured over there.

“Kai?” He turned his head to face Jongin whose eyes were now open and shoulders relaxed, arm moving to swing their clasped hands forwards and backwards. “Do you want to go on the swingset or did you not do your math homework yet?”

“Aren’t you going to say what you always say first before nagging me?”

“Fine then,” he said, rolling his eyes and puffing out his cheeks. “Happy Monday!” he called out much louder, carrying through the empty parking circle and fizzling out amongst the landscape. 

It was because Jongin didn’t like change that he still insisted on being dropped off outside the lower school buildings even though they’d been in middle school for months now.

“If I beat you to the swings I won’t have to finish my homework until snacktime,” Kai said suddenly, letting go of Jongin’s hand to sprint across the asphalt and up the stone steps to the manor building. Even though he carried an extra bag for his soccer gear, Kai knew he would be faster but he slowed down on the steps to make sure Jongin didn’t trip or tumble backwards.

They reached the top of the steps one after the other, racing across the grass and through the stone archway where the playground came into view. Kai made it onto the woodchips first and caught Jongin just as he was about to trip over the wooden barrier breathing heavily.

Beyond the playground were the school’s courts and fields. The soccer field was what Kai almost considered to be a second home and it would be if Jongin could ever be out there with him. Jongin couldn’t play soccer even if he very much wanted to. 

“Fine,” Jongin said, still trying to catch his breath while falling into one of the swings. “You win. Procrastinate like always.”

Kai watched Jongin’s face as he continued to calm his breathing, frowning when he squeezed his eyes shut.

“Are you alright?” he asked, readjusting Jongin’s scarf. “Let’s go inside soon so you don’t get sick.”

“I’m fine,” Jongin said. “Just got dizzy for a second. And I won’t get sick.”

“That’s what you always say the day before you get sick. Come on. When you’re ready.”

He followed the path of Jongin’s gaze to his sports bag and failed to hold back a grin. He unzipped it and brought out a soccer ball that they kicked softly between themselves while moving forward until they got to the large wooden doors, continuing down the hallway as well because nobody was there to stop them.

Monday mornings were always Kai’s favorite only because Jongin made it something to look forward to. Jongin was always recharged from the weekend which he would mostly spend in their bedroom or playing video games in their home theater if their father was out on business. The more time he’d spend away from others, the more talkative he’d get and Kai would just lay back and listen to him go on and on about his opinions of things that had happened during the week. This would always fizzle down to a Monday morning calm that would get torn away by the time school let out on Friday. Jongin rarely even spoke to him on Fridays.

It wasn’t quite accurate to say that Jongin was shy. Most teachers and even other students found his supposed shyness cute even though it was obvious to Kai when Jongin was in distress. He said once that walking through a crowded hallway was like walking through a haunted house and if everyone turned to look at him then it was like everything inside the haunted house came to life. Even if he wanted to speak, he often found that he could not and the experience had been a weight on him his whole life.

Kai didn’t mind though. He didn’t mind always holding Jongin’s hand because his brother said it made things better even if only just a little. Jongin’s heart wasn’t good. He also got sick very easily. Even the smallest of colds had landed him overnights in the hospital. The doctors always said Jongin was lucky to be alive after the circumstances surrounding his birth. Kai tried not to think about it too much. Whenever Jongin got sick it felt like the world was ending. Whenever Jongin got hurt he’d stay up all night making sure he slept comfortably. He took the time to learn extra about the medicine in the store and even learned about CPR and first-aid from the school nurse. 

“Ah!” Kai looked up to Jongin who had already taken a seat at his desk by the window. “Kai, my nose is bleeding!”

“Put pressure on it,” he said, digging through the outer pocket of his backpack stocked with medicine, bandages, and tissues. 

“I know that! It’s because you made me wear all these extra layers.”

“Because it’s cold outside.”

“I hate you,” Jongin grumbled, pushing the tissues against his face as Kai helped him get out of his scarf and coat anyway.

“Yeah I know. Hate you too.”

***

Jongin raised his eyes to look at the clock that hung above the chalkboard, muscles tensing as the second hand moved beneath the surface of the glass. He did it without thinking probably because his body had grown used to being uneasy. When the clock struck noon, a ringing filled the classroom and the hallway. The bells of the school chapel chimed in the distance. More noises erupted around him too: chairs sliding backwards, people chatting, shouts coming from the hallway, and papers shuffling but before his muscles could tighten impossibly further, a warm hand grabbed his wrist and laced their fingers together like always.

It was stupid. Jongin berated himself for not being able to calmly sit through class transitions, especially the one leading into lunch. In lower school it was a quiet affair. No bells, just the teacher saying to put their pencils down. But it had already been nine months. He had to be better than this. He had to grow up.

Jongin bent his head down as a blush crept across his complexion, people from the school’s soccer team coming up to talk to Kai before the lunch period went into full swing. They all knew that Kai wouldn’t be joining them in the dining hall. Kai always ate lunch in the classroom with him.

He was still thankful for the way Kai positioned his chair and body so that the people speaking to him would have to tilt over to the side to catch a glimpse of the identical but unarguably lesser version of the Oak Hill's new star player.

“Kai! Coach wants to meet for a few minutes in the lounge. He brought donuts!”

It was a bit funny how Kai’s hand tightened before Jongin’s managed to. It was like Kai was the one who couldn’t walk around without collapsing in on himself instead of him.

“Uh…” Kai began, “I’ll be there in just a few seconds. Go ahead without me.”

Maybe Jongin just imagined it, but he could feel eyes on him now. He didn’t like it. Kai must be embarrassed by him too. He waited until he heard the retreating footsteps to whisper.

“Go,” he said. “I’ll be fine.” 

When Kai still just sat there, he pulled his hands out of his brother’s grasp and turned to face the window. By this point his nerves were mostly under control but his heart relaxed when Kai wordlessly slipped headphones over his ears, the  _ Full Metal Alchemist  _ soundtrack forming a bubble around him. He closed his eyes and didn’t even make a move to reach for his lunch. He wouldn’t start eating without Kai.

“Too bad Jongin can’t go to the meeting,” he heard someone say loudly over the music. He grimaced and reached to turn up the volume but his finger slipped and pressed the mute button on the CD player instead. “Hey, do your impression again!” he heard another student say. Someone cleared their throat.

“Uh… u-u-uh… m-m-my name is Kim J-Jo… I. Uh. I p-play… play…”

“Play what? Spit it out!”

He heard people laughing until the music was blasting in his ears. But he still saw the boy pretend to faint, the others throwing their heads back in laughter. 

By the time Kai came back, two donuts in hand, Jongin sat in the classroom alone. The few tears that had fallen had been wiped away. 

Jongin missed lower school.

***

Kai crossed the finish line right along with Minho, their team’s captain, resisting every urge he had to fall face first into the grass. But a few seconds later Sehun all but rammed into him causing both of them to tumble to the ground anyway.

“You’re so fast,” Sehun whined, voice muffled because his face was buried in Kai’s shirt. “And you stink.”

“Well you stink of whatever dumb cologne you’ve been bathing in so shut up.” Sehun rolled off of him and helped him up off the ground with an outstretched hand, their coach finally blowing the final whistle.

Sehun was his next door neighbor and the two of them had become fast friends through playing sports and tossing each other around in the mud. Sehun was the only other kid from school besides Taemin who Jongin was willing to play videogames with so that fact pretty much secured their long lasting friendship both on and off the field. Jongin often said to him privately that he enjoyed Sehun’s lisp.

“Well boys, the final game is this weekend. We’ve been undefeated so far but don’t get too cocky. You can still get your asses kicked. But the end of season party! Minho’s parents will be out of town and you lot would all destroy my house so who wants to volunteer to host?”

“Kai lives like five seconds from school, doesn’t he?” a second year named Baekhyun said. “And he’s pretty much our team’s hidden weapon. Kai, can you host?”

Everybody was looking at him and agreeing even though he kept shaking his head.

“Oh come on!” another player shouted. “Your mom brought the best cupcakes at the beginning of the season!” He didn’t even try to point out that she bought those cupcakes from a local bakery but that’s not why he didn’t want to host the party.

Jongin hated it when strangers were in the house. It tended to put their father in a bad mood too. And if the adults brought alcohol to share amongst themselves, that would only make his father’s mood worse. 

“Knock it off guys,” Sehun said beside him, draping an arm lazily over his shoulder. “Kai can’t host. We can have it at my house next door though and you can still get your stupid cupcakes.”

That’s all it took to make everyone happy but when the other players started to head off the field after a short “Oak Hill Owls” cheer, the coach pulled him aside.

“Don’t think I forgot what I said earlier, Kai,” he said. “You’re gonna be one of our starting midfielders this Sunday. You have the talent and you have the drive!”

Kai managed to pull off a small smile as his coach walked away, nerves already slightly tingling under his skin just as Sehun threw his practice pinnie at his face.

“You look like you’re about to pass out. It’s not even game day yet!”

“I know… it’s just-”

“People have high expectations of you because you always deliver. This weekend will be no different. Don’t be nervous.” Kai opened his mouth to object but realized he didn’t know what to say. This wasn’t like the scrimmages they’d have amongst each other in lower school. Now they were on an actual team in an actual league where every point counted. And now he’d be on the field with all the older players from the very start? Sehun clapped both of his hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eye. “You’re great. And if you do mess up, I’ll get the coach to sub me in and you can pass the ball to me. I’ll hog it from you for the rest of the game.”

Kai sighed and started dragging Sehun with him towards the school, his friend’s nonsensical chatter making him laugh multiple times by the time they reached the parking lot.

It was Sehun’s dad that picked them up instead of a driver so they took a detour to buy hot chocolate, Sehun making fun of him as his eyelids started to droop once they got back into the car. Hot chocolate always made him sleepy but Sehun made for a good pillow even if he was all skin and bones and reeked of cologne he wasn’t quite old enough to wear yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OTHER STORIES BY UNUSUAL_TABLE
> 
> [With Love, From Seoul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371987/chapters/55999948): Kim Jongin was in search of a better life. His search began with Park Chanyeol. A story told in four acts. [MAFIA!AU - CHANKAI, CHENBAEK, SULAY, KRISHAN]
> 
> [Bound by Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604130/chapters/56642974): Master had three simple rules for Wolf to follow. The first was to never go beyond the fence. The second was to never speak to lodgers. The third was to never respond to the howl of the Mountain Spirits that could be heard on nights of the full moon. [WOLF!AU - SEKAI, BAEKYEOL, LAYHAN]
> 
> [Ghost Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366250/chapters/58764295): After Junmyeon’s life falls apart, he retreats to his family’s small home near Daegu. Sequestered in his little house on the hill, he soon finds himself acquainted with an odd mailman named Zhang Yixing. [THEATRE!AU - SULAY]


	3. Part I: Chapter II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GENERAL CONTENT WARNING: This story is not for sensitive audiences.

Jongin stirred at the small but insistent beeping of his watch alarm, not surprised when he felt his own limbs knocking against the weight next to him while getting oriented enough to turn it off. He didn’t remember getting ready for bed the night before but hummed in comfort anyway while burrowing further beneath the warmth that enveloped him. Five minutes later the alarm started beeping again and Jongin begrudgingly opened his eyes and stretched, only feeling a bit sorry when he hit Kai in the chin by accident. 

The two of them had always had their own separate beds but often, particularly on the weekends, they’d end up nestled into one. But this morning with the way that Kai was a bit awkwardly curled up against the headboard, Jongin cocooned in his favorite blanket with two pairs of socks on he definitely hadn’t been wearing before, and a forgotten Game Boy resting between them with Kirby rolling up and down the menu screen, it was easy to piece together that rather than preparing for bed intentionally they had just passed out one after the other. 

Even with the noise of his alarm and the accidental bump to the face, Kai hadn’t moved a muscle because he always slept like the dead but for once this worked in Jongin’s favor. He brought his blanket up to cover his brother from his hunched shoulders over his bent knees and tucking it under his toes until he looked like a big purple ball before getting out of bed. He wished Kai would take him seriously whenever he said he was fine being woken up just so they could properly get settled under the covers. He kept the socks on though. They were warm, after all. 

He waved a silent good morning to Optimus Prime who did not acknowledge him back, consumed in his own watery world, and grabbed Kai’s Superman robe before heading to their bedroom door. He looked up at the dark wood, looked back at Kai, and peeked out into the hallway. The house seemed quiet. The sun hadn’t yet risen. The light from underneath the door of his father's study was off. He had long memorized the floorboards that would make noise if he stepped on them so he conducted his unusual dance down the hallway and the spiral staircase, past the foyer, and back into the kitchen. 

Again he paused on the tiles. There was an empty beer bottle up on the counter. Only one. Still, Jongin considered going back upstairs but kicked himself for it. Today needed to be the best day ever and it wouldn’t be the best day ever if he chickened out now. 

With renewed courage, Jongin took to the lower cabinets first looking for pancake mix but didn’t have any luck. He dragged a chair over so he could kneel on the counter looking through the upper cabinets. He ended up finding it by a large container of sugar. He took that out too because Kai liked sugar. But now standing in the middle of the kitchen with pancake mix in one hand and sugar in the other, he didn’t know what to do next.

“Eggs…” he muttered to himself. “Do I need eggs too?” The pictures on the box made it seem like it so he pulled out eggs from the refrigerator as well. Sitting down at the kitchen table with a bowl, he paused again choosing to go back into the refrigerator to grab the chocolate syrup because Kai liked chocolate too. Chocolate syrup expanded to strawberries, eel, and kimchi because Kai liked all of these things. 

In the distance he heard the front door opening and kept track of the sound of footsteps heading through the house knowing that it was just Miss Kwon coming in for the day at six like usual. What he didn’t expect was for her to shriek the second she walked into the kitchen.

“Kai!”

He dropped the egg he’d been tumbling between his fingers onto the kitchen floor, back colliding with the edge of one of the counters as he jumped back in surprise, heart pounding. “I mean…” Miss Kwon forced out, “Jongin. Jongin I’m so sorry did I scare you? I’m sorry sweetie,” she said, ignoring the colorful arrangement on the table and sidestepping the mess on the floor to bend down to his eye level. 

Jongin knew it was supid. He knew Miss Kwon was nice but he still moved away from the young woman’s touch even after all these years and still couldn’t greet her good morning because the surprise from earlier had forced an invisible cement block down his throat. She smiled at him anyway and stood back up trying to make sense of what Jongin was trying to create so early in the morning.

“You want pancakes? You should’ve… I mean, you _could’ve_ left a note for me and I would’ve made them for you.” She laughed lightly and cleaned the egg off the floor but Jongin started to panic once she also began to put the ingredients he needed back into their appropriate places.

“I…”

“Yes, Jongin?”

“Uh… soccer. Today.” He lowered his eyes to the floor when Miss Kwon continued to stare at him, her lips turned downward in confusion.

“Oh! Kai’s big game. I suppose that is today. You… wanted to make breakfast for Kai?” He nodded, relieved. “Well you definitely don’t need kimchi to make pancakes. Or eel. And instead of chocolate syrup how about we use chocolate chips? I know I have those laying around here somewhere…”

Jongin stared at Miss Kwon from the side, watching the mixture slowly turn into something that was more familiar to him and smiled when the chocolate chips were added in. He arranged the fruit Miss Kwon had added as a suggestion on a tray afterwards and poured two glasses of milk just as Miss Kwon finished making the scrambled eggs.

He tip-toed back upstairs to drag Kai out of bed but instead walked in on his brother already fully awake and almost fully dressed as well. He stood running his fingers over the jersey in his hands.

“Oh. Hey Jongin. I was wondering where you were.”

“Put on your shirt. I’m kidnapping you.” Kai raised an eyebrow at him but pulled the red jersey over his head anyway and a familiar pang of inferiority hit him as Kai’s arms slipped through the holes. Jongin wished he could wear that uniform too but before he could dwell on it too much he ran behind Kai and slapped his hands over his eyes.

“Jongin! What are you doing?”

“I was serious about the kidnapping. Now walk.” 

He guided his brother forward and down the hall, alerting him when they reached the steps.

“Why can’t I just keep my eyes closed and you can guide from the front?”

“Because I don’t trust you enough to keep them closed, not after your last birthday party.” He could feel the skin on Kai’s face tug from his spreading grin.

“Fair enough.”

Jongin didn’t know why he was getting nervous the closer they got to the kitchen. It’s not like he’d made the pancakes himself but he _had_ arranged the fruit and knowing him there was probably a way to mess that up. He silently hoped that Miss Kwon had discreetly fixed whatever he’d done wrong before rushing away to begin her other household duties.

He meant to say something witty when allowing Kai to see again but instead his hands just slinked away and his face heated up when Kai let out an astonished “ _WOAH!_ ”

Jongin hurried to the seat furthest away from them and gestured for Kai to sit down in the one closer to the entryway. He watched eagerly as Kai began to eat, watching his facial expression for disappointment. When none came, Jongin began eating too.

“Will Sehun be coming over today?” he asked and Kai shrugged.

“I wasn’t planning on it. But he might. If the party ends early enough I could invite him if you want.”

“Ok. Only if he wants to. And you want to. And you’re not tired. And he’s not tired.” Jongin lowered his head to focus on his food again but looked up when he could still feel Kai staring at him. “Is there… something on my face?”

“No,” Kai said, “you’ve just never asked me to invite anyone over before.”

“Sure I have.”

“No you haven’t. Usually I say Sehun or Taemin are coming over and you just sort of nod and go along with it. Could it be… you actually _enjoy_ his company? Should I be jealous? Taemin will surely be heartbroken.”

“You’re teasing me,” Jongin grumbled, ignoring his brother’s responding grin. 

But Kai wasn’t wrong. Sehun was a nice person. He liked Sehun’s voice and his hair and his hands. Taemin was nice too but Sehun was somehow different. It’s why a few months ago he let Sehun hug him. It was a nice hug. Jongin couldn’t help but fantasize what it would be like to have a friend as nice as Sehun who gave nice hugs too. 

“Guilty as charged,” Kai said, leaning his head on his hand while poking at the large portion of his breakfast still untouched. 

“Are you not that hungry?” Jongin asked.

“I guess the game isn’t too far off now and I don’t think I could eat another bite even if I wanted to. Sorry, Jongin. This was really delicious and thoughtful of you.”

“Are you… are you nervous?” At that, Kai put down his fork and puffed out his chest.

“Nervous? Of course not. Why would I be nervous?”

It was a good question. Jongin had never known Kai to be nervous. He was so sure about everything he did. Kai saw the world in ways Jongin knew he never could and at the end of the day, Kai was perfect in everything he did. So it dawned on Jongin with renewed clarity just how important of a soccer game this must be. Hiding his face, Jongin stood up and hurried to the other side of the table, pulling Kai out of his chair to wrap him in the biggest and tightest hug he could muster.

“I believe in you. No matter how the game goes, I know you’ll do your very best and everyone will love you all the same.”

After a few hesitant moments, Kai returned the hug and took a deep breath like he truly didn’t want to let go. But in a flash Jongin found himself getting ripped apart from the embrace by the roots of his hair, stumbling backwards. 

Even with the usual disarming glare set on his father’s face, he still looked nice. The Kim family always looked nice, always looked proper, always looked effortlessly in line. Everybody respected their family, or at least that’s what Jongin had been told throughout his entire childhood. They would respect their family as long as he didn’t bring attention to himself and didn't cause trouble for others. 

The older man dressed a bit more casually this morning despite still looking stern. His hair was neatly combed and gelled to the side and his light blue polo shirt and khakis were expertly pressed no doubt by Miss Kwon. 

“Kai,” he said, turning to his brother, “the driver will be here in fifteen minutes and you will be waiting by the front door with all of your things in ten.” Kai chanced a look at him, hands balled into fists by his side, before conceding. 

“Yes father.”

Jongin did not watch Kai’s retreating form but knew he must’ve at least made it to the stairs when he was struck across the face.

“How many times have I told you to stop distracting your brother with your childish antics?” Jongin did not respond but watched through the gaps in his fingers as his father surveyed the kitchen. “I’m going to speak to Miss Kwon for a moment and by the time I get back I want this mess gone. Am I understood?”

“Yes sir.”

Ignoring the still powerful stinging sensation on his face, he hurriedly threw their unfinished pancakes and colorful fruits away. He was surprised by how much it hurt him to do so.

“Don’t be a distraction,” he muttered to himself. “Stupid Jongin. Don’t be a distraction. Don’t be a distraction. Don’t be a distraction.”

***

The thrill of the game, the spectacle of it all: that’s what Kai supposed he loved about soccer. The feeling he got when putting on his cleats alone made him giddy and the pride he felt whenever he got the chance to slip the elegant red Oak Hill jersey over his head made him feel like he had enough energy to run around the world twice without stopping.

The butterflies in his stomach that he’d felt all that morning disappeared when the game began, an early collision with a person on the opposing team making his competitiveness flare up. It was nice to have this game on Oak Hill’s home field instead of at a different school. Many supporters were on the bleachers even though Kai knew there would be a fair amount more once the high school team would start their game afterwards. They weren’t in the running for league champions this year though. If they were they’d be playing under the lights at one of the local colleges two weeks from now.

He could feel the smile on his face even though his chest was heaving as he sprinted down the field, the ball flying high overhead from where Jongdae had booted it out of their defensive end. The sun on his face, mud on his skin, and the telltale signs of winter creeping through the browning leaves kept him going. He heard people cheering the moment he controlled the ball with only two taps deep into the offensive end just barely not offsides. He didn’t have to look to know Sehun would be charging down the middle of the field, partly because they’d played this game together so many times and partly because his coach was shouting Sehun’s name so loudly it sounded like thunder. He looked up anyway just as a precaution, steadying his hand in front of himself. He couldn’t mess this up.

His foot made contact with the ball perfectly and while there was a moment of tension when Sehun’s shot hit the crossbar, Baekhyun came out of nowhere catching the rebound and tapped it quickly into the opposite corner right before the final whistle. Just like that, his first season playing competitively for Oak Hill was over.

After they all lined up to say good game to the other team and had one last huddle, he turned to look at his parents but they were too busy talking with the other adults there to see him wave. Sehun slid in front of him, blocking his line of sight anyway.

“My shot hit the bar because your pass was too high, just for the record.” Kai knew he was joking but kicked him hard over his shin guards anyway.

“It’s over though, Sehun. It feels kind of weird.” They walked together in silence along the sidelines for a bit until Kai stretched his arms over his head and looked at the clouds. “But you were right after all. We completely destroyed them!”

“Aha! That’s the Kai I was looking for!” Sehun moved in front of him again and all but forced him to climb up on his back before running towards the bleachers. The two of them almost fell over when the coach called out their names. 

He was standing close to the middle of the field, the high school players just now beginning to trickle in. Next to him was Lee Jinki, the high school vice captain, and a tall and lanky boy he didn’t recognize.

“And this is the rising star of our middle school team,” Kai heard once they got within earshot still being carried by Sehun. “I really hope the school decides to bring you on sooner rather than later. The two of you would make a great force in the midfield.” 

Kai slid back until his feet touched the ground again. The other boy seemed to be avoiding his gaze while listening to the coach and Jinki talk.

“Kai,” Jinki said. “I managed to catch the last half of your game. Good job. You too, Sehun, though your last shot was a little high.” At that moment it was like Sehun got stars in his eyes.

“You… you know my name?”

“Of course! I make sure to know all the soccer players at Oak Hill. We might be playing different games but we’re all one team in my opinion.” He motioned over to the other boy. “This is Park Chanyeol. The school is thinking of recruiting him to play with us but we’re not sure if he can come in for middle school or if he’ll have to wait for high school. He’s a year ahead of you two.” They all bowed in greeting.

“It’s always nice to play with more people,” Kai said. “If not in middle school then I’ll see you in high school!”

“Yeah… I suppose.” Kai didn’t know how the atmosphere became so awkward.

“There’s a party at my house starting soon. You’ll probably want to watch Jinki… Jinki _hyung’s_ game but… if you’ll be playing for us the sooner you get to know the players the better!” Sehun said, still looking more at Jinki in awe than at Chanyeol.

“No thanks. I’ll pass.” The coach patted Chanyeol on the back.

“That’s right. He has to watch the high school game. He’s still young but he can already play at a high school level. You might be able to learn a lot from him, Kai.” He felt an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach and for some reason he really wasn’t liking this Chanyeol at all. They said their goodbyes and started heading towards the parking lot.

“What a freak,” Sehun said once they were definitely out of earshot.

“Don’t be mean.”

“Ok. You’re a freak too.”

“That doesn’t make it a compliment.”

“Everything I say to you is a compliment because I love you.”

“Freak. Give me your phone.” Sehun rolled his eyes and reached inside his sports bag, groaning in annoyance.

“Sorry. I forgot mine at home. Did you forget yours too?” Kai nodded.

“Yeah. But I need to call Jongin and tell him that we won.” He shouted when Sehun punched him in the arm.

“Oh come on! We just had our big win! Your parents will tell him I’m sure. We have a party to get to!”

“Sehun…”

“Ok. Fine. Call him later. Let’s make sure the dining room is all set up first before calling.” 

He pondered for a few moments, still feeling uncomfortable. It was always odd after games. His parents only used them to network, usually hoping to find new things to invest in by talking to the other parents. People were always eager to talk to them especially after games when he played well. Games would’ve been so much better if Jongin could come to them but he didn’t like to ask that much of his brother especially for crowded games out in chilly weather like this. Mr. Park would wait up for his parents to finish so he slipped into a car with Sehun and his parents so they could go ahead to prepare for the team party. It was still early. He’d call Jongin as soon as he could. 

***

Jongin stood in the foyer with Miss Kwon, a small plate with a single cupcake on it decorated with icing in the image of a soccer ball. A “champions" banner was hung on the second floor banister. 

The house phone had been silent all day. Nevertheless, the cheering from next door indicated that Oak Hill had won which was a good thing because by then Miss Kwon had already returned to the house with multiple balloons waving in the air behind her. But the music from Sehun’s house had stopped over an hour ago and the vast majority of the cars had pulled away yet nobody had returned home.

“Maybe your parents are still chatting. You know how they can be,” Miss Kwon said once Jongin grew tired of standing and chose to sit on the floor instead, legs crossed, eyes focused on the front door. “And Kai is probably playing video games with Sehun while the adults catch up on things.”

In the kitchen were the rest of the cupcakes along with brand new strawberry ice cream too since that was Kai’s favorite.

“You know, when I was in school I recall there being a great number of activities students could get involved in. Have you thought of joining any clubs or student organizations? I just think it’s unfortunate that you always wait here while Kai goes out to play soccer.” 

Jongin shook his head and brought his knees up to his chin. The mere thought of being in a club that Kai wasn’t in was silly to him. He would be the first to admit that he couldn’t function well without Kai by his side. Kai was always with him every second of the school day. Everything that wasn’t soccer seemed boring as well. 

“You could join a co-ed club and get a chance to talk to the young ladies in your sister class. That’s always exciting,” Miss Kwon said with a small laugh but when Jongin just continued to trace his fingers across the tiles she added on, “but maybe you’re not quite at that age yet.”

Eventually Miss Kwon had to continue her work elsewhere in the house as the light drifting through the stained glass windows dimmed. Jongin thought about going to his room to read a book or to the living room. Both places were warmer than here. But he didn’t want to take the chance of leaving where he was in the event that that’s when the rest of his family decided to arrive. 

He let his head rest with the support of his drawn up knees, twirling the small plate the cupcake was on and slightly shivering at the cold evening draft seeping through the hollow foyer. Sometimes he forgot how old this house was. 

Time kept slipping by though and he’d taken up so much of Miss Kwon’s time that day that she didn’t even have a chance to check on him as the night grew later.

He woke up without realizing he’d fallen asleep, jolted awake by the hand jerking him forward by the front of his “Oak Hill Owls” sweater. 

“What the fuck are you doing in the middle of the floor, boy? Are you deranged?” his father spat, the telltale smell of alcohol dripping off his tongue. “What did I tell you about being a distraction?” he yelled, taking in the banner and the balloons now.

“Father!” he heard Kai shout while his mother just walked on by chuckling and swaying lightly. The man stepped even closer again when he didn’t answer, still trying to recover from being jerked awake, skin tingling and chest burning because he hated it when he was afraid. His father’s expression changed from one of annoyance to one of pure anger when his shoe landed in the cupcake that had been beside him. He slipped off the ruined shoe and held it in front of Jongin’s face.

“This is your mess. Clean it up and I will deal with you tomorrow.” The shoe was dropped in his lap and his father stormed off not even bothering to pay attention to Kai who had been trying to push him away all while.

Kai took the shoe out of his lap and tossed it to the side, letting Jongin freely cling around his torso so the fear could slowly fade away.

“I know it’s late,” Kai said quietly, “but they were talking for so long and I fell asleep too. Was… was that for me?” he asked pointing to the ruined treat now flattened over the floor. He nodded stiffly against Kai’s chest, the distant smell of dirt and grass still hanging onto the fabric of his jersey. “Is there another one? I’m sorry this one got ruined.” He nodded again but didn’t say, _couldn’t_ say really, that the one he’d kept with him was the only cupcake he’d poured the batter for himself. Miss Kwon did all the rest. He even did some of the icing on it too. 

“What happened to your face?” Kai asked then, pulling away. “Did you get hit again?” Jongin didn’t answer but a violent sneeze tore through his body and Kai looked at him in alarm. He wanted to disappear. He didn’t want Kai to worry about him because this was his day and he’d probably worked so hard to win, he definitely worked hard the entire season.

“You’re sick.” He shook his head. “Yes you are, Jongin. Why did you stay out here like this without more layers on?” He shook his head again and cursed in his mind when he could feel himself start to cry, another sneeze forcing its way through the hiccups and tears. 

Nothing today went as planned. He wished he could start over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OTHER STORIES BY UNUSUAL_TABLE
> 
> [With Love, From Seoul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371987/chapters/55999948): Kim Jongin was in search of a better life. His search began with Park Chanyeol. A story told in four acts. [MAFIA!AU - CHANKAI, CHENBAEK, SULAY, KRISHAN]
> 
> [Bound by Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604130/chapters/56642974): Master had three simple rules for Wolf to follow. The first was to never go beyond the fence. The second was to never speak to lodgers. The third was to never respond to the howl of the Mountain Spirits that could be heard on nights of the full moon. [WOLF!AU - SEKAI, BAEKYEOL, LAYHAN]
> 
> [Ghost Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366250/chapters/58764295): After Junmyeon’s life falls apart, he retreats to his family’s small home near Daegu. Sequestered in his little house on the hill, he soon finds himself acquainted with an odd mailman named Zhang Yixing. [THEATRE!AU - SULAY]


	4. Part I: Chapter III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GENERAL CONTENT WARNING: This story is not for sensitive audiences.

Kai watched the clear noodles fall from the grip of his chopsticks. He picked more up and let them fall again. His right heel kept tapping against the floor anxiously. He made sure to laugh when laughter erupted around him probably because Jongdae told a joke but he wasn’t really sure. He tried to pay attention afterwards since he owed his friends this much. After all, it was rare he ever ate lunch with them. Usually he would be with Jongin.

“But Kai, were you out there when it happened?” He looked around the table blankly. Sehun sat beside him with just a tinge of annoyance in his eyes.

“I’m sorry. What were you guys talking about?”

“Excuse us for a second,” Sehun said suddenly, dragging Kai out of his seat by the arm and through the archway into the boys wing of the school. They walked all the way to one of the bigger reading rooms that had a large fireplace. A few students were scattered about, mostly high school students, but didn’t pay them any mind even when Sehun started talking a little bit louder than what was generally accepted. “Ok. Call him, but make it quick.”

“Call?”

“Jongin, idiot. You look like you’re a second away from sprinting all the way home and… I feel kind of guilty about yesterday, alright?” Kai’s hand was already in his pocket, palm wrapped around his cellphone but he still hesitated.

“It’s not your fault. He gets sick all the time.”

“Yeah but he wouldn’t have been waiting out there like that if I didn’t purposely distract you all day. I know… I know how things are, more so than everyone else and now this happened and you’re freaking out and I don’t like it when you freak out so call Jongin.” Sehun wasn’t looking at him as he spoke and his words tumbled out almost on top of each other but Kai couldn’t help but smile a little bit as he finally took out his phone. It was Miss Kwon who answered.

“ _He’s asleep right now. Had a little bit of an upset stomach but his temperature is lower than it was this morning when you left_ ,” she said.

“Did he ask for anything to eat anyway? I don’t have soccer practice anymore so I can pick something up on the way home with Mr. Park.” Sehun walked past him and plopped onto one of the large beanbags, a tinge of red forming on his cheeks. 

“ _Nothing in particular._ ”

“And is… is father awake? Did he go into the office today? He kind of had a lot to drink last night so… I was wondering…”

“ _No, not yet. Did you need to ask him something?_ ” Kai bit the end of his tongue, fingers twisting one of the buttons on his blazer but he stopped himself before it could pop off.

“No. Nothing. Not really. How about mother?”

“ _Hasn’t left the bedroom_.”

“Ok. Cool. I don’t need anything. Just checking. Is Jongin still asleep?” He heard Miss Kwon laugh.

“ _Yes dear, still sleeping soundly. There’s nothing to worry about_.” 

***

“Open your mouth, Jongin. I don’t like to fight you every time this happens,” Miss Kwon said slightly exasperated. The gooey, pink liquid was a cure all and Jongin knew it would make him feel better but he also knew it would taste like curdled milk on his tongue. His lips stayed closed shut in a straight line and he turned his body so he faced the wall. He wanted Miss Kwon to leave again so he could kick the covers off of his body. His nightclothes had already been pulled off and thrown to the foot of the bed. Jongin felt like he was burning from the inside out but as far as fevers went he’d had much worse.

“Jongin. You’re thirteen years old, not six.” He heard Miss Kwon put the plastic cup down on the nightstand. “I’m going to count to three. One.” He pulled the covers more tightly around himself. “Two.” 

“Kai gave me some this morning,” he mumbled.

“Three.” It wasn’t much of a challenge for Miss Kwon to rip the covers off of him, fingers descending upon his form to tickle his sides until he was laughing so hard it turned into a fit of coughs but then a hand grabbed the back of his head, pushed it up, and the disgusting slime was forced past his lips, trapped there by Miss Kwon’s other hand that clamped his jaw closed. “Swallow,” she said with victory gleaming in her eyes.

Despite the fact that Miss Kwon had been taking care of both him and Kai since a little bit after they started at Oak Hill, she was still young and full of energy even if Jongin personally thought her job was rather dismal. Her long black hair was always tied up in a bun but he saw it down once a few years ago and it was very long and beautiful. To Jongin, Miss Kwon was the definition of a pretty woman. He grabbed the covers and pulled them back over his head.

“Don’t start pouting now. You brought this upon yourself.” He didn’t move. “Fine. If I show you my new nails will you forgive me for wanting you to see the light of day again?” Jongin rubbed his knees together under the blanket in thought. Miss Kwon always had pretty nails. When cleaning she made sure to wear extra protection around her hands so the intricate designs wouldn’t get ruined by the chemicals. Her childhood dream was to be a nail artist but she said spending time with him and his brother was a gift all on its own.

Jongin turned around and popped his head out from under the covers expectantly. Today her nails were the colors of autumn, flowers and leaves trailing from one finger to the next. It’s the best design he’s seen her do yet.

“They’re pretty.” She looked mock affronted.

“Of course they’re pretty. You know, if you ever want to give it a try I can let you practice on me. Maybe nail art could become a hobby for you.” It was a simple suggestion but Jongin was surprised by how appealing it sounded. He thought back to all the colors he’d ever seen Miss Kwon use and imagined all those colors lined up in tiny bottles for as far as the eye could see.

He wanted his nails to be that colorful too like a coloring book at his fingertips. He wanted to paint new, tiny stories on his nails for him to see and for Kai to see and of course Miss Kwon would see them too. Maybe he wouldn’t mind Sehun and Taemin looking at his hands either. Maybe it would make him seem a little less dull in front of Kai’s friends. Maybe they’d find him pretty too. 

“Is it… can you do mine?” Miss Kwon looked at him curiously while screwing the medicine cap back onto the bottle.

“Yours? You want to paint your nails?” He gulped and nodded, caught off guard by the disbelief in her voice. He’s always liked colorful things but he was never particularly good at drawing. “Well I… Jongin it’s not really-”

“Jongin?” his mother called from the hallway shortly before cracking open the door. Her short hair framed her face elegantly as always but the uncomfortable tug that was consistently present at the corners of her smile made his skin tingle uncomfortably. “Your father wants to speak to you about your actions yesterday.”

Jongin looked down and curled his hands together. Kai had helped him clean his father’s shoes the night before. To him they seemed good as new. But maybe even with Kai’s help it wasn’t good enough. Of course it wouldn’t be good enough. He was foolish to think so.

“With all due respect,” Miss Kwon spoke up, “it’s best if Jongin stays in bed for the day. You know how quickly his fevers can turn for the worse.” His mother’s nose scrunched up, eyes looking up and down Miss Kwon’s form dismissively. 

“Your opinion was not asked for, _girl_.” 

Jongin slid out of bed before she repeated herself, legs feeling a bit wobbly at first. He didn’t get a chance to put his pajamas back on before he was grabbed by the wrist and brought down the hallway to his father’s study. It wasn’t an unfamiliar scene but it was made more foreboding since Kai was not trailing after him, ready to comfort him after. He missed his brother and in his feverish haze he longed for his presence more than usual. Already he could feel himself starting to cry.

Inside his father was working at his desk and just as his mother was about to shut the door to give them privacy, he beckoned her forward.

“You don’t lecture your child well enough, Chiori,” he said. “Come up with something better over there by the time we’re done.” He pointed towards the window that had a nice seat beneath it before refocusing on Jongin.

“So I take it that now when you’re sick you’re not even capable of dressing yourself.”

Jongin stood still in his boxers. Unlike the bedroom he shared with Kai, the rest of the house had a tendency to be cold. If he had only been given a moment to dress himself, he wouldn’t appear before the man like this. But he hadn’t and from the window his mother offered no explanation before he was asked to turn around and brace his hands against the door.

His father always bought meter sticks reinforced with some amount of metal after the wooden ones kept breaking. Because right now he was seemingly sober, Jongin knew he would likely not be yelled at during. But even without hurtful words, it was hard for him to keep quiet. Eventually a strike hit so hard on his back that his knees gave out and he fell to the floor. A lot of times, if he held out long enough, his father would stop at this point. But he must’ve been angry about something else, probably something that had nothing to do with Jongin at all, so he kept going for several harder strikes until he went back to fall into his chair, breaths deep, face relaxed. Jongin shakily got back to his feet.

“I’m sorry, sir, I will do better,” he said like always while his mother ushered him from the room.

It had been a while since she’d been asked to watch. Years. The last time by the end she’d been crying too but they were both older now. Jongin should know better by now, know how to behave properly. So this time she looked at him like she always did these days, like how she used to look at him when he’d wet the bed long after Kai was properly potty trained. Even now it would still happen a few times a year but she didn’t know that. Kai and Miss Kwon would hide his mistakes.

“You don’t need me to tell you that I’m disappointed in you,” she began in her tone. “So why don’t you instead tell me the things you did yesterday that put an unnecessary burden on this family?” 

“The… the shoes. I… I-” he cut himself off with a powerful fit of coughs that brought on the feeling of lightheadedness. “I distracted Kai. I dirtied the house. I ruined father’s shoes.”

“Correct. And what does that make you?” Jongin looked up at her, now sure how to answer.

“It makes me bad.”

“It makes you disrespectful. You disrupted the entire house by trying to pull that surprise party stunt when there was a perfectly good and thought out celebration next door that you, if you cared about your brother enough, would’ve attended. Now today you are laying around pretending you’re on your deathbed when behind my back you were up chatting with Eunji perfectly fine. Do you know how stressed Kai gets when you’re sick? Now he has to take notes for you in all of his classes simply enough so that you’ll be able to understand when right now it seems like you’re well enough to make it through the school day. You should only be skipping if it’s serious. Staying home every time you get the sniffles will only make you fall further behind. I need you to understand how your laziness, unthoughtfulness, and general disregard for others have been nothing but a burden on all of us.”

“I understand,” he said, the shame he felt making him want to sink through the floor.

“Tell me that you are lazy, unthoughtful, and cruel.”

“I’m l-lazy, unthoughtful, and… and cruel.”

“You are far too old to be acting this way but you are also too old to be coddled for admitting you have done wrong. Follow me.” 

They made their way downstairs and the feeling of the cold floors against Jongin’s still bare feet made the hot-cold feeling all over his body worse. He began gnawing on his lip when his mother opened the basement door, the long staircase leading down into the dusty darkness frightening him as much now as it always did until the lights were switched on early in their descent. 

He had been locked in the basement before. He’d even spent entire nights curled up at the bottom of those steps with a sleeping bag after begging Kai to leave him be and go to bed upstairs, that they’d see each other in the morning. But then his mother walked through yet another door that opened up properly into the rest of the basement where Miss Kwon kept things organized. Far in the back they stopped next to a small door that seemed to be unforgotten, untouched. When it was opened the dust reached his nose straight away and he sneezed. It opened to reveal what looked to be a rarely used supply closet mostly taken up by shelves.

“Step inside, Jongin.” He chanced a look up at his mother’s face. He couldn’t quite tell what she was feeling but he crouched down into the area below the shelves, stepping on spare mop heads and old buckets. He tucked his arms into his chest. Then without warning the door was slammed shut behind him, the rusty turn of a lock and the slide of a latch sounded in the darkness. “I’m going to leave you here to reflect on what you’ve done. Please make the most of it.”

His voice was caught in his throat as he heard his mother make her way back out to the basement hallway but the second the small sliver of light that snuck through the cracks in the door disappeared, his body began to tremble and his pulse quickened.

“Mom?” he called out. He didn’t know if he was simply imagining something small crawling over his bare feet and flitting across his equally bare shoulders. “Mommy?” His twisted his body to knock his fist against the door. He tried to reach his hand up past the shelves to reach the door handle. It wouldn't move. “Can you turn the light back on?” It only came out as a whisper.

And soon he was tumbling, panicking, screaming and banging against the dusty door with his hands and feet. Eventually his sounds died out, the terror brought on by the unfamiliar and absolute darkness immobilizing him as he curled up in the small space unable to breathe, blood seeping out from his battered knuckles and fever rising. 

***

It was close to midnight when they took Jongin to the hospital. After finally being given the key to unlock Jongin from the basement supply closet just before bed, Kai couldn’t get Jongin to wake up even though the pulse he could feel was in overdrive. When even his mother could not rouse him to take his medicine, Kai was allowed to wash off all the dirt and dust and bodily fluids to put him into proper clothes before the three of them set off. Eventually the nurses gave up trying to make Kai leave the hospital room once Jongin was properly hooked up, machines giving him things that would make him better.

He was still in Jongin’s hospital room now feeling as helpless as his brother looked. A doctor sat across from him comfortably before speaking. 

“You’re Kim Kai, correct?” He nodded and took his eyes off of his brother to look around the room.

“My parents should be back soon.”

“I know. We led them out of the room on purpose.” The man paused at first to try to gauge his reaction but continued when there was none. “We noticed some heavy bruising on your brother’s body even though he was only brought in because of a bad fever. Is there something going on at home you want to talk about?” He stayed silent for a few moments. He didn’t like it when strangers asked about his family's private life, even if it was a doctor. He was old enough to know that his family was important, that one word from him could be twisted and cause a lot of trouble.

“Like… what do you mean?”

“I know this can be a delicate and confusing topic, Kai. What I’m interested in knowing is if your mother or father have ever done anything to harm you or Jongin. Perhaps hitting you too hard or pushing you or making you do things that resulted in injury?” Kai looked back at the hospital bed.

“My mom just forgot that Jongin is really afraid of the dark. He panics when he gets afraid.” The doctor scribbled something on his clipboard.

“Can you describe your brother when he panics?” The doctor’s tone was beginning to irritate him.

“What’s it to you? Why should I tell you anything?” he asked harshly, suddenly afraid that he already said too much.

“Kai, if your brother suffers from panic attacks it could end up becoming very serious especially as he gets older. There are plenty of ways through a combination of medication, therapy, and family support that we can lessen the likelihood of these attacks so your brother won’t hurt himself like this again no matter how frightened he gets.

“Are you calling Jongin crazy? He’s fine the way he is! He doesn’t need some shrink! He’s perfect! Why can’t any of you adults ever see that?”

“Kai…”

“No! Get away from me! Stop talking to me!” A pair of nurses walking by opened the door when they heard yelling but Kai bolted past them and speed walked down the hallway. If he took a quick walk around the floor then maybe the doctor would go away by the time he got back. He couldn’t believe the nerve of that guy. If anyone knew what was best for Jongin, it was him and Kai knew Jongin wouldn’t be happy at all when he woke up in this place. The least he could do was make sure that none of the doctors or nurses crowded around him and the elevator they’d eventually take to the parking garage was empty. Once they were home again everything would be fine and Kai could take care of Jongin just like he always did. As long as Jongin was conscious, he could give him all the medicine he needed. Jongin could tell him what hurt and what didn't.

The sense of separation that ripped at his chest propelled him down the cold corridor even faster and he was at a full run by the time he rounded the last corner and collided with someone so hard they both tumbled to the ground.

Kai rubbed the back of his head where it had hit the hard floor only to be faced with a familiar set of big eyes, big ears, and awkwardly long limbs but the boy’s eyes were red with tears and he scrambled to his feet and started sprinting down the hallway in the opposite direction before Kai could get out a single word.

It was that kid. From the soccer game.

He couldn’t remember his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OTHER STORIES BY UNUSUAL_TABLE
> 
> [With Love, From Seoul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371987/chapters/55999948): Kim Jongin was in search of a better life. His search began with Park Chanyeol. A story told in four acts. [MAFIA!AU - CHANKAI, CHENBAEK, SULAY, KRISHAN]
> 
> [Bound by Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604130/chapters/56642974): Master had three simple rules for Wolf to follow. The first was to never go beyond the fence. The second was to never speak to lodgers. The third was to never respond to the howl of the Mountain Spirits that could be heard on nights of the full moon. [WOLF!AU - SEKAI, BAEKYEOL, LAYHAN]
> 
> [Ghost Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366250/chapters/58764295): After Junmyeon’s life falls apart, he retreats to his family’s small home near Daegu. Sequestered in his little house on the hill, he soon finds himself acquainted with an odd mailman named Zhang Yixing. [THEATRE!AU - SULAY]


	5. Part I: Chapter IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GENERAL CONTENT WARNING: This story is not for sensitive audiences.

Jongin squinted against the bright, fluorescent lights and shivered against the cold air. He was in a hospital staring at a woman he did not know whose eyes were focused on a clipboard.

“Oh! You’re awake,” she said.

As she walked towards him, he looked around the rest of the room. Kai wasn’t there nor was anything he could identify as his brother’s belongings. He flinched when the woman spoke again, voice coming from right next to him.

“We should be set to take this out now,” she said at which point Jongin noticed the needle stuck in his arm. His increase in heart rate immediately picked up on the machines monitoring him, the woman glancing back at the screens as she moved the IV drip away. “Hey it’s ok,” she tried to reassure him when he wasn’t calming down. “I’m still kind of new at this. I’ll call Dr. Lee in for you.”

Dr. Lee? Who was that? That was not the name of their family doctor. Where was Kai? He’d only stayed overnight in the hospital a handful of times, mostly too sick to remember much of the stay but they always let Kai be in his room because he always refused to leave. They’d all go home the second he showed any sign of getting better again where the family doctor would treat him privately. This was the first time he’d stayed long enough to be able to sit up in bed on his own, the first time Kai wasn’t right next to him when he was fully conscious after a health scare. Something was not right and he was alone. 

“Thank you, Eunsun. I’ll take it from here.” 

Jongin tensed at the sound of an unfamiliar man, this Dr. Lee, and closed his eyes in an attempt to get his head straight. He heard the rolling of a chair that stopped right beside him. 

“I’m Dr. Lee. It’s nice to see you’re feeling better. Is the light irritating your eyes?” he asked. Jongin bit his tongue but decided to nod and when he slowly opened his eyes again, the lights were much dimmer and he turned his head to glance at the doctor. “Hello there!” he said with a smile. “You were admitted to this hospital late last night for a very high fever that was causing some other complications. Do you feel any discomfort currently?”

Jongin brought his arms closer to himself and noticed the bandages on his knuckles and remembered. He’d thrown a fit in that supply closet. He’d been a disappointment. He’d made a mess of himself and ended up in the hospital because of it. His face colored in shame. 

“Wh-where’s Kai?” he asked, throat a bit scratchy. 

“We had to move him to a different room because he was preventing the nurses from doing their job. He cares about you a lot. That’s about the only thing I’ve been able to get out of him, though. Stubborn as a rock!” So they made Kai leave. He must be very upset. He must be hurting. “Would you like to come with me to see him?” he asked, motioning towards the hospital room door.

Through the tiny square window he could see the heads of people passing by, the muffled sound of rushed conversations slightly trickling into the room. He shook his head. 

“If the hallway was empty would you come with me to see him?” He shook his head again. “Why not?” Jongin’s fingers played with the material of his gown as he averted his eyes.

If he simply waited long enough, would they bring Kai back in anyway? He wasn’t supposed to talk to people in places like this. The family company owned this hospital and it would be an embarrassment to his parents if he were to say something wrong. That’s why he could only ever speak to the family doctor without getting in trouble.

“You’re not my doctor,” he decided to say.

“Your usual private doctor isn't here. I am watching over you for now. Do you mind talking with me for a little bit?” 

Jongin hesitated, never having been faced with this sort of situation before. Was he supposed to talk to this man? Would he get in trouble for staying silent? Or was he expected to wait until Kai or his parents came back? Whether or not the doctor noticed his growing distress, he pressed on anyway.

“Why don’t we start with something simple? I’ve met your brother, Kai. I’ve also met your parents. Does anybody else live with you? Any house staff, perhaps?” Jongin flexed his hands but stopped because of the soreness that radiated from them. It was a safe question. Surely it would be ok to answer.

“Kwon Eunji, my nanny. Park Yoohwan, our driver. Han Junghoon, our gardener.” 

“Are you close with them?” Jongin frowned.

“They are nice people.” 

“How would you describe your relationship with your brother and your parents?” 

“Why do you want to know?” The doctor seemed a little bit caught off guard by his response and leaned backwards as if wondering how to phrase his next question.

“Both of your parents along with your brother brought you here because of a very bad fever they said had been getting better but spiked suddenly in the middle of the night. However, we noticed quite a number of injuries on your hands that your parents didn’t mention at all but were very serious. Can you tell me what happened to your hands? Your back? Your face, maybe?” Jongin looked at Dr. Lee then back to his hands before tucking them under the blanket. The bandages were ugly.

“I… I did it to myself.”

“Why would you do that to yourself?” He began to lightly bite on his bottom lip, hips shifting uncomfortably against the mattress. The doctor was going to find out what a terrible person he was. He was going to get in trouble.

“It was too dark… and I couldn’t move so…”

“Where were you?” He looked to the side noticing that even though Dr. Lee’s tone remained the same his gaze was sharper.

“The b-basement… closet.”

“Why were you in the basement closet?”

“I did a bad thing.”

“Was the door locked?” He nodded. “So you were hitting the door to try to get out. But why didn’t you stop when you started to hurt yourself?” Jongin flushed with embarrassment. It was a good question. He hurt himself. He did all of this to himself. It was all his fault that any of this happened in the first place.

“I don’t…” he started, but thinking about the darkness made his head spin and his skin tingle with the first sparks of fear. He tried to take a deep breath through his nose but ended up coughing instead. “Can Kai come here now? Please?”

“Sure he can. But I just need to know one more thing, Jongin. Did one or both of your parents lock you inside?” He looked up at Dr. Lee again because now his voice was quieter, eyes begging for a response. He tilted his head down to cough into his shoulder, heart still beating more quickly than he wanted it to. “Is that what happened?” Dr. Lee asked again.

“Yes.”

***

Kai kicked a pebble across the stone pathway, hands digging further into his coat pockets as a strong breeze swept through the hospital courtyard. Dark clouds had been slowly forming overhead for the past hour and he hoped there wouldn’t be any thunder. Jongin hated thunder. 

He brought his feet up onto the bench and hugged his knees. Most people were heading inside as the courtyard lights turned on for the evening and the first raindrops fell from the sky, nurses rushing out to usher those who couldn’t move that quickly by themselves. He was determined to stay put. He wasn’t a patient, after all. Even so, he really hated it at the hospital but was secretly sorry for the way he’d spat at some of the staff when they wouldn’t let him see Jongin or even his parents.

It was scary, though, seeing Jongin the way he had been. Crouching down on the other side of the closet door for hours until his father came to unlock it was unbearable. It was the most frightened he’d ever been. It was even worse when Jongin was unresponsive making him resort to just saying things through the barrier that he thought Jongin would like to hear, trying to shove the flashlight he’d found as far under the crack in the door as he could manage.

It was something his parents had never done before and he still didn’t know what Jongin did to make them so angry. None of it made sense and the questions from Dr. Lee just aggravated him even more. He just wanted to go home. Once he took Jongin home everything would be fine again.

He stood up and kicked another pebble, rain starting to fall more evenly now but the tree he was under kept the worst of it away. His hands were jittery like he needed something to do with them to keep his mind off of everything else. It was difficult being alone.

Kai resorted to picking up a handful of pebbles and tossing them at a nearby tree until a large rock flew in front of his path hitting the bark with a loud thud.

The kid from earlier, the one he’d met at the soccer game and then run into again in the hospital hallway breathed in and out deeply, fingers coming up to brush the damp hair away from his forehead even though it flopped right back down anyway.

“You should try bigger rocks. It helps more,” the boy said. Kai threw the rest of his pebbles aside in favor of putting his hands back in his pockets.

“I’m sorry. I know we’ve been introduced but… I can’t remember your name. I’m really bad with names so…”

“It’s Chanyeol.”

“Oh yeah. I’m Kai.”

“Yeah.” He watched Chanyeol circle back around the bench to grab another rock before lugging it at the tree harder than he had the first time, bark chipping slightly at the impact.

Kai circled around the bench too, picking up a rock that was just slightly bigger and turned it over in his hands, spinning around to throw it as hard as he could. The extra effort it took did provide some sort of release that pushed away the quickly simmering frustration in his gut.

“Hey Kai,” Chanyeol said, not looking in his direction at all. “Can you not tell anybody you saw me here?” He thought back to last night when they crashed into each other in the hallway, too concerned about Jongin to really think about the scratchy red of Chanyeol’s eyes and the tears that clung to his cheeks. Kai wondered how he must’ve looked to Chanyeol. Either way they both ended up here, mostly composed, throwing large rocks at an unsuspecting tree.

When he was about to answer he heard his name being called by the shrill voice of his mother even over the pouring rain as she hobbled over in her heels, umbrella being blown to the side slightly by the wind. The frustration he’d felt earlier slowly started to melt away. He hadn’t been allowed to see anyone from his family all day. 

“Mother!”

“Hey!” Chanyeol shouted, grabbing his shoulder to spin him around. “Don’t tell anyone, got it?” Kai stumbled back at the tone of his voice, annoyed by the force he’d used to get his attention back.

“Yeah, sure. Whatever.” Quickly leaving Chanyeol behind he rushed over to his mother who was still hobbling through the rain and they walked together back inside.

They rushed through the white hallways, his mother gripping onto his wrist rather tightly until they rounded the corner and entered what looked to be a nice waiting room, the shouts of his father automatically becoming audible the second he stepped inside even though he was still hidden behind the door to what must be the main office. He didn’t have time to react before a familiar body clung onto him from the side, Jongin’s voice muttering rappid I’m sorry’s into his ear.

It didn’t matter though because he clung back just as tightly, feeling for the first time all day like he was standing on solid ground, even when the door to the main office opened and his father’s loud voice flooded into the waiting room.

“YOU KNOW WHO I AM! IF YOU EVER TRY THIS ABSURDITY AGAIN YOU CAN BE SURE YOUR CAREER IN THIS COUNTRY WILL BE OVER!” 

Kai automatically started rubbing Jongin’s back as sob shook his body, a rough cough forcing its way out of his throat. He couldn’t see Dr. Lee but he could hear his voice, the voice that was irritatingly calm.

“Your business here is done, Mr. Kim. I’m sure your sons are eager to go home.” 

Two police officers and an older woman were in the office too but his father left and shut the door before Kai could get a good look at them. He continued to storm off out into the hallway without so much as glancing at them, their mother following. It took a few words to get Jongin to start moving too, head ducked down as they made their way through the crowded hallway.

“It’s ok now,” he said to Jongin as the elevator doors closed. Their parents had already gone ahead. “We can go home. Don’t you want to go home?” Jongin clung onto his arm impossibly tighter but didn’t answer. He didn’t have to.

***

Dinner was silent. Jongin poked at the food on his plate trying to get his hand to stop shaking even though he didn’t really have an appetite anyway. Kai nudged his foot under the table every now and then, urging him to eat and making funny faces until he smiled back but their father ate quickly while their mother scrutinized every piece of food she picked up before eating it with a dissatisfied frown. The four of them hardly ever ate together like this. His father hadn’t acknowledged Jongin ever since leaving the hospital.

“The Kim family has lived in this neighborhood and has been respected for generations,” the man said once his plate was empty, the iciness of his voice even seeming to catch Kai off guard. “Never has something so humiliating happened to our family than what has occurred over the course of today because _some_ members of this household felt the need to reveal private family affairs to outsiders, embellishing what they saw without explaining the entire situation.”

His mother nodded slowly after putting down her own chopsticks and sliding away her mostly full plate. Jongin’s fingers gripped the table cloth, eyes averted like usual.

“The Kim family is a strong family, a family of winners, a family of such immense wealth and influence that we have the power to make our community and society as a whole a better place. The mere notion that a family like ours is mistreating our youngest is unfathomable but doctors, eager to squeeze more money out of their patients and uncover things to benefit their own careers, will twist the words we say into something ugly just to try to knock us down. They cannot do this.”

Jongin’s shoulders sagged the longer his father spoke, his own conversation with Dr. Lee replaying through his mind. Perhaps he had spoken out of context and given Dr. Lee the wrong idea. Kai had said that before Dr. Lee had tried to talk to him too where he admitted that he was the one behind separating their family from each other.

“It saddens me to say that one member of this household did not do anything to prevent these vicious rumors from spreading throughout the hospital. Miss Kwon, what do you have to say to the rest of my family?” Jongin looked up in shock at Miss Kwon who had been standing off to the side like she usually did except today her face looked a little pale, head not raised as high.

“Forgive me for the trouble I have caused. I was mistaken in my observations.” His father stared at her for a few moments before directing his attention back to everyone sitting around the table, eyes still skipping over Jongin’s head instead of looking at him. 

“That’s right, yet her incorrect observations made us lose a lot of money today just to keep an alarming amount of gullible idiots from running their mouths. Miss Kwon loves working for us and despite her grave error I have decided that she will keep her job simply because she has a child on the way. Isn’t that right, Miss Kwon?” Jongin looked up again. The young woman was not married. How could she be pregnant? But Miss Kwon nodded in affirmation. "And she will be splitting driving duties with Mr. Han as Mr. Park's wife just passed away so he will be absent during the upcoming days."

“I don’t get it,” Kai spoke up. Jongin could feel his brother’s eyes on him even though he didn’t look up to meet the other’s gaze. “Why did you lock Jongin down there? You know he’s afraid of the dark and how easily he gets sick!” Silence draped over the room again for several agonizing seconds, Jongin’s gut twisting.

“Jongin, why don’t you answer your brother’s question, hm?” his mother said.

He didn’t want to tell Kai what had happened, didn’t want him to know of even more ways he’d let everyone down. He met the other’s searching eyes and couldn’t help but flush with embarrassment again. Kai didn’t know how perfect he was, how proud their parents were of him even if he was sad that they weren’t the most enthusiastic spectators at his soccer games. Kai didn’t know how easy he made everything look, things that would keep Jongin up days in advance worrying until he lost so much sleep he got sick again. The two of them were so different yet Kai still loved him the way he did because he was stuck with him as a brother.

“I… I’m sorry. I’m not feeling well. Excuse me,” he said quickly standing and running up the stairs, an invisible weight forming in his chest as he walked past the family portraits on the wall, his own image jutting out at him like a wart that wouldn’t go away. 

“Jongin! Wait!” His brother grabbed his arm once they entered their bedroom, hand sliding over his forehead to check his temperature but he pushed it away, instantly regretting it when he saw the hurt look on Kai’s face. He couldn’t do anything right.

“I’m sorry.”

“Jongin… it’s ok.”

“No. No it’s not,” he choked, turning away at the familiar heat building behind his eyes. He let Kai bring him into a warm hug anyway, the long day finally catching up to him as fatigue seeped into his bones.

“Dr. Lee tried to ask me about… about if mother or father did anything that you… that you didn’t like. Like stuff that makes you hurt. I said no because it’s none of his business. But last night I was so scared because you got so sick and I couldn’t do anything to help you. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think. Please tell me what to do. Please tell me I did the right thing.” A renewed sense of guilt washed over him, the heaviness in his chest starting to burn.

“You always know what’s best. As long as you’re my brother, my friend, I’ll be happy.” 

“But… our parents…”

“They both love us, Kai. They wouldn’t hurt us without reason. Even if we don’t quite understand why they do what they do, it’s just so we’ll turn out better in the end.” The words fell out of his mouth with surprising ease, Kai visibly calming down upon receiving them. “That’s what family does.” 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's the conclusion of the sort of... intro chapters to the story? Hope you liked it!
> 
> OTHER STORIES BY UNUSUAL_TABLE
> 
> [With Love, From Seoul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371987/chapters/55999948): Kim Jongin was in search of a better life. His search began with Park Chanyeol. A story told in four acts. [MAFIA!AU - CHANKAI, CHENBAEK, SULAY, KRISHAN]
> 
> [Bound by Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604130/chapters/56642974): Master had three simple rules for Wolf to follow. The first was to never go beyond the fence. The second was to never speak to lodgers. The third was to never respond to the howl of the Mountain Spirits that could be heard on nights of the full moon. [WOLF!AU - SEKAI, BAEKYEOL, LAYHAN]
> 
> [Ghost Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366250/chapters/58764295): After Junmyeon’s life falls apart, he retreats to his family’s small home near Daegu. Sequestered in his little house on the hill, he soon finds himself acquainted with an odd mailman named Zhang Yixing. [THEATRE!AU - SULAY]


	6. Part I: Chapter V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GENERAL CONTENT WARNING: This story is not for sensitive audiences.

When the two of them were six years old, they were asked to draw a picture of their family during art class in school. In the center, Kai had drawn Miss Kwon’s mother, who was the one taking care of them at the time, with him and Jongin on either side. In the top right corner he had drawn the other house staff including Miss Kwon who at the time they just called noona. The gardener they used to have held Optimus Prime in one hand because he’s the one who gifted the turtle to them in the first place and a carrot in the other because Kai often saw him munching on them while working. In the top left corner he had drawn his parents and along the bottom edge he’d drawn several of his other family members. The teacher loved it.

He still remembers the way Jongin’s tongue had been poking out of his mouth in concentration during that class. His brother wouldn’t even let him look at his work, not until it was finished. It wasn’t until the class was over and most other students left for snack time that Jongin finally showed it to both him and the teacher.

“ _But Jongin, where are your parents?_ ” the teacher asked. On one side of the page Jongin had drawn the two of them and on the other side he drew Mrs. Kwon and Optimus Prime. They were all surrounded by candy and rainbows. “ _The assignment was to draw your family. Try again tomorrow and make one with your parents in it. They’d be hurt if you left them out, wouldn’t they?_ ” Jongin didn’t respond. This all happened before he spoke to other people in school.

Kwon Naeun died a little less than a year after that. Kwon Eunji took her place. Always the quiet daughter, she and Jongin had been awkward together at first but with some coaxing on Kai’s end, Eunji gradually opened up and Jongin, in his own way, opened up too. Jongin never talked about Mrs. Kwon. He didn’t like talking about things that made him hurt.

Their parents being absent during their early years wasn’t uncommon by any means. Kai had asked tons of other kids who also said they felt more comfortable asking their nanny for help rather than their parents. Sehun was an exception. He only had a nanny up until around age two or three but then his mother started working from home. He still cried whenever she had to go on trips for business but if Kai told anyone that, Sehun would murder him.

In a way, the two of them didn’t really have a nanny anymore either. They no longer needed assistance just to go to the bathroom, never asked for help on homework questions, and didn’t need help getting dressed in the morning. These days even when going out, Kai would just go with Sehun. Miss Kwon and her mother always used to read Jongin stories but now Jongin was perfectly content reading books on his own. Still, Miss Kwon was always there but ever since about halfway through elementary school their parents started to get more involved. It was also around this time when the comparisons began.

Kai knew that Jongin was amazing and it confused him as to why his parents would be so proud of his own activities kicking around a ball with friends, and criticize Jongin for staying inside with his coloring books. It’s not like Jongin didn’t like soccer, either. It was just that he was unable to play without it negatively impacting his health.

Whenever conversation came up around the dinner table or during holidays that praised Kai’s athletic ability, academic prowess, and abundance of friends while brushing Jongin’s accomplishments under the rug, Kai would always make sure to speak up and tell Jongin afterwards how great a person he was. This always seemed to work. It was only when their father started drinking that the simple comparisons would turn into insults and Jongin would sometimes cry but Kai thought it was obvious that their father didn’t really mean it. He was drunk, after all, and saying untrue things while drunk was common. All parents did it. That’s why alcohol was for adults. Adults could tell when someone said something they didn’t mean. Everything was normal.

The mood in the house changed after the incident at the hospital. Miss Kwon moved about the house quietly just like she did when her mother was still alive, breakfasts and dinners no longer featured the occasional smiley face or animal shape, and if Kai or his brother became visibly upset she wouldn’t do anything but pat them on the shoulder, her other hand rubbing circles on her increasingly swelling stomach. Their father, instead of just comparing them to each other, began comparing them to himself, to their grandfather, to their great grandfather, and to wealthy western men too.

Continuing with the trend, their fourteenth birthday was a dull affair. There was no cake, no dessert at all, really. There were no balloons, no music, and most notably, no toys. Kai vigorously unwrapped his present to find a tuxedo. Jongin opened his and found a college level book on accounting.

“ _Kai, don’t you know what this means?_ ” his mother had asked excitedly. “ _You’re going to accompany us to the company’s winter gala._ ” When he looked up from the uncomfortable looking set of clothing, his father wasn’t smiling at him. Instead he looked at him appraisingly like a winning racehorse, cigar hanging from between his fingers.

He hadn’t wanted to go to the gala but Jongin looked at the presents more positively. “ _A chance to prove ourselves_ ,” he’d said with one of the widest smiles Kai had ever seen on him. Since then, Jongin has read that accounting textbook cover to cover four times even though Kai knew he preferred his fairytales and history books about ancient Egypt and the Roman Empire.

The gala had ended up being ok. He saw Baekhyun there but he was at a different table. When they’d finally gotten a chance to sneak into a corner of the large room to talk, Baekhyun’s parents pulled him away, bowed deeply, and apologized profusely. He still didn’t know what they were apologizing for. Baekhyun scowled at him whenever he brought up the incident. Baekhyun had actually been scowling at him a lot these days.

Their second year of middle school started off much more quietly than their first. Quiet, slow, yet things kept changing. His own body became somewhat foreign to him, his hands and feet ballooning while everything else fought to catch up, voice cracking occasionally especially when he laughed, a new rush of what must’ve been what their gym teacher called testosterone buzzing around his head and zapping through his body all the way to his toes. He felt almost endlessly antsy whenever sitting at his desk or sitting at the dinner table. His friends did too. That’s why they often ended up horsing around in the hallways, teachers looking on at them fondly like it was something they were supposed to be doing.

Even now with Jongin curled up on the couch next to him he couldn’t help but glance at the clock. It was just before 11:00 PM and _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory_ was only a few minutes away from its conclusion on the large screen of their home theater. Jongin had fallen asleep a little less than an hour prior and still slept peacefully surrounded with pillows and blankets Kai had retrieved from their bedroom.

A sharp frown was fixed on Kai’s face, the lecture his father gave him earlier still making quiet whispers of anger churn in his gut. It’s all he ever did these days, always pulling him aside talking about power, control, intimidation, success, all in ways that Mrs. Kwon said were dangerous and what Miss Kwon only emphasized after the fact. That’s what he told his father today.

“ _Women are only here to give you children,”_ his father responded. _“They don’t know what they’re talking about otherwise and there is no need for you to play their games when the time comes_.” The credits started rolling, the blackness covering the screen only adding to the darkness of the house. His father said he smiled too much and asked constantly why he was ranked number two in the grade.

On top of everything he'd accidentally snapped at Jongin earlier in the day. That’s when his brother got the idea of watching a movie, hoping it would make Kai feel better. Jongin never asked what their father did when Kai was brought into his study. 

Some of his growing anger dissipated when Jongin released a quiet whine in his sleep quickly followed by a louder one as his legs started moving under the blanket, arms wrapping more tightly around himself. Kai sighed and got up to kneel down in front of him, running his hand up and down the back of the other’s neck until he seemed to calm down a bit. It wasn’t as often Jongin had nightmares anymore but for the weeks following their hospital stay they had come almost every night.

Kai didn’t like to think about it as if he were protecting Jongin from their parents, but he'd gone out of his way several times just to make sure Jongin wasn’t alone with them. Everything about the incident rubbed him the wrong way to such an extent that one day he’d even called Dr. Lee at the hospital but the man hung up on him before he could even say much. After the third attempt he stopped trying altogether. Dr. Lee never liked him anyway.

Jongin still refused to speak about that night, about why their mother had been upset enough to lock him in the basement, and their parents seemed perfectly fine acting like it hadn’t happened at all. Kai had no choice but to think that maybe just that once his parents crossed a frightening line but it hadn’t happened since and according to Jongin it never happened before then either. Maybe they were ok. Things like this must happen in other families too. Everything was normal.

Even though he kept gently smoothing his fingers over the back of Jongin’s neck, Jongin continued to kick in his sleep, mouth opening as if preparing to scream but no sounds came out. He laced their fingers together in a familiar grip before shoving Jongin’s shoulder until he started to wake, breaking free from the nightmare, his arm instinctively pulling Kai in closer knowing it was him and not somebody else.

He waited until Jongin’s eyes opened and focused on him, adrenaline from the nightmare still making his breath come out in ragged puffs.

“You’re fine, Jongin,” he said with a smile. “Just sitting at home watching _Willy Wonka_ , remember?” Jongin’s eyes shifted to the large screen behind them then to their hands.

“It’s…” he started. “It’s dark in here. Why is it so dark?” He gritted his teeth but kept smiling anyway. Jongin’s fear of the dark had reached an entirely new level and he hated himself a bit for turning off the lights and continuing watching the movie in the dark after Jongin had fallen asleep.

“Oh right. Sorry. I’ll turn them back on,” he said quickly. By the time he ran to the back of the room and flipped the switch, Jongin’s fingers looked like they were about to puncture holes in the couch but with light now flooding the room he reached for one of the blankets and pulled it tightly around himself.

“What time is it?” he asked groggily.

“Late. You fell asleep during the movie. We can try watching it again next weekend if you want.”

“Yeah… yeah ok.” Jongin watched him as he turned off the TV. “Are you going to bed now?”

“Mhm.” He gathered up all extra pillows and blankets.

“Kai?”

“Yeah?” He turned to Jongin whose eyes were trained on the carpet. Jongin almost always used to look directly at him talking eagerly when they were alone. It was frustrating.

“I-” the _Star Wars_ theme started playing from inside the pocket of Kai’s sweatpants and his fingers paused from putting it on silent when he saw Sehun’s name flashing across the screen. Jongin motioned him to answer it.

“ _Are you awake?_ ” Sehun asked on the other end of the line.

“Is everything ok?” It was unusual for anyone to call this late but if it was Sehun it could really be anything.

“ _Can I come over?_ ”

“Uh…” Jongin stood up and started folding his own blanket. “We can’t play video games or anything right now, Sehun. We’d be too loud.”

“ _I don’t. It’s ok. But I can come over, right?_ ” He stretched his back and looked at the clock again. If he went to bed now he’d only get five hours of sleep until he’d have to get up for school.

“I…” But it was Sehun. “Sure. Tell me when you get here and I’ll let you in.”

“ _I’m outside your door now. Didn’t want to ring the doorbell in case you were sleeping._ ” Sehun hung up before he could ask anymore questions and Jongin looked at him curiously. Kai rubbed some of the sleepiness out of his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Jongin. Can you hold that thought for a second?” He waited until Jongin nodded in confirmation and made his way to the front door wondering what kind of stuff Sehun was trying to pull tonight. If Jongin knew he hadn’t written his history assignment yet, his brother would be glaring daggers into the back of his skull.

Sehun was right on their doorstep with a backpack and his soccer duffle bag in hand, staring at him a bit awkwardly when he opened the door.

“This better be good,” he said flatly but held his tongue when he took a better look at Sehun, shoulders tense, eyes searching, tongue coming out to swipe across his lower lip nervously. “What’s this all about? Is everything ok?”

“It’s nothing. My parents are arguing.” Kai crossed his arms and moved aside so Sehun could walk in.

“That doesn’t sound like nothing to me.” He’d never heard about Sehun’s parents arguing before, anyway.

“Whatever. Were you in your room before this?” Kai pointed his head down one of the hallways, ignoring the fact that Sehun had blatantly brushed him off. 

“No. TV.”

“Great. Race you there!” Before Kai could even tell Sehun to not shout in the house in the middle of the night, the other had already taken off and once Kai got back into the theater, Sehun was sprawled out on the front couch and Jongin was nowhere to be seen. He probably went upstairs to fall asleep in his own bed.

“We can’t stay up for too long, alright? Last time I fell asleep during class, Jongin almost skinned me alive.” Sehun scooted over a bit to make space for him.

“You always say these things about Jongin and I can hardly imagine it. Does he even know how to get angry?”

“Yes. He gets very angry and it’s always directed at me whether it’s my fault or not. I suffer silently.” Sehun scoffed at his dramatic tone.

“Still don’t believe it.” He flipped on the TV again and eventually found a channel playing a rerun of _X-Man._

“They’re arguing because of me,” Sehun said after a long time. Kai hadn’t realized his head had been slowly tilting to the side in search of slumber. Sehun didn’t seem to notice either, eyes trained on the TV but in a way he could tell he wasn’t really watching what was going on. “It will be fine eventually though. I guess what I said was a bit of a shock. It’s all ok.” It sounded like Sehun was trying to reassure himself. Kai was familiar with the feeling.

“Did you say you wanted to join the circus or something?” Kai asked jokingly around a yawn and scrunched up his nose when Sehun elbowed him in the side.

“No. I just… the yelling got really loud so… and I thought it would be good to see you. I really wanted to see you… I mean…” Sehun looked up at him, an unfamiliar emotion playing across his eyes. Maybe Sehun was getting tired too. It was the middle of the night, after all. “Yeah. That’s it. I’m really glad to be seeing you right now. It’s good. Like this it’s good. I’m not making any sense. Sorry.”

“Maybe you should change into your pajamas. After all, your brain is already-”

His playful insult was interrupted when he received a pillow to the face and before Sehun could laugh too much about it he pushed him back, trying to kick and wrestle him to the floor in revenge. In the back of his mind he still made sure to keep the noise level to a minimum but he was momentarily distracted when a commercial for his favorite fast food chicken restaurant started playing on the large screen. Sehun pushed him off balance and onto the floor before pinning his wrists to the ground and sinking a knee into his stomach. He still struggled a bit, knowing that if he gave up without putting up a fight at all he wouldn’t hear the end of it for weeks but eventually he sighed and let his head fall back. Mostly he was just glad to see Sehun behaving normally again.

“Ok. You win. Now get off. Your knees are so boney they could be knives.” He waited a few beats but when Sehun still didn’t let go he turned his head to face up to see Sehun again sporting an unreadable expression. “Is… is everything ok? Did you want to talk about it?” Sehun’s fingers tightened around his wrists but he was still staring off into space.

“No. It’s fine. I’m fine. They’re saying I’m confused but I know I’m not,” he said quietly while slowly letting go and rising to his feet again leaving Kai on the floor incredibly confused.

“Ok. Just know that the more you talk about whatever this is without telling me specifics, the closer I’ll get to dying of curiosity. But if you _do_ decide to join a circus, I fully support you.” Sehun didn’t laugh like he thought he would.

“Thanks, Kai.”

They settled back on the couch together, silent as the night grew later and when Kai was struggling to keep his eyes open, Sehun tugged his head until it was resting in the crook of his neck.

“Mmm?”

“Go to sleep. I’ll wake you up when the next episode ends.”

“Mmm.” Sehun’s arm wrapped around his waist so he could sleep without falling over. The next morning Kai wasn’t sure if the feeling of lips pressing against the top of his head was part of a dream or a memory.

***

Jongin sat at his desk with his eyes closed tightly, headphones on and cranked up almost to full volume. He still couldn’t figure out why some days were worse than others, why randomly on some days he’d wake up and feel anxious leaving his own bedroom, the step over the threshold of their front door feeling like stepping into something far more large and frightening than what it actually was. It made concentrating during the school day nearly impossible, the movements of others around him making him grip the edge of his desk until his knuckles turned white. It was on days like these that all he wanted to do was go back home as quickly as possible and Kai knew that.

It was when the headphones were yanked off and quickly replaced with warm hands pressing on his ears and ever so slowly loosened until the sounds of the remaining students leaving the classroom, travelling through the hallways, and chatting in the courtyard that he knew he wouldn’t be able to go home quickly like he wanted to. It was no surprise to see Kai sitting right in front of him when he opened his eyes, eyebrows furrowed and lips fixed into a frown.

“I told you not to do that, Jongin. You’ll make yourself go deaf,” he said, the crescendo of the symphony easily heard blaring from his headphones that now rested on his desk. He bit his tongue sharply when there was an eruption of laughter from the hallway but Kai put his hands over his ears and forced his head to face forward so they looked eye to eye. “Why did this have to happen today of all days?” Kai said more to himself than anything else but Jongin still picked up the stress in his voice.

Today was the first day of soccer practice which meant Kai would be staying later after school than during their first month of the term. Normally around now Kai would walk with him out to the front gate until Mr. Park came to pick him up and he’d work on his homework silently in their bedroom until Kai would arrive around three hours later. But now Kai was obsessed with the idea of always travelling to and from school together. Kai was paranoid that something like what happened in the basement would happen again and that paranoia was only made worse with the pressure their parents were putting on him currently that he didn’t think Jongin noticed.

“Just let me go home then,” he said so quietly he couldn’t even hear himself with Kai’s hands still over his ears.

Kai glanced out the open window into the courtyard where a lot of his friends were hanging out already changed into their Oak Hill sweatpants and practice pinnies. Sehun’s bare toes were probably dragging through the grass just because today was the first reasonably warm day of the school year. Some classes had even been held outside.

“Did you choose a club though? Maybe you could just introduce yourself today.” In order to go home together, Kai wanted him to join a small club to occupy the block of time he spent at soccer practice. “I don’t like the idea of you sitting in an empty classroom.” He could tell by the sound of Kai’s voice that even he knew it would be impossible to go to a club today, let alone introduce himself. He knew the second Kai would walk away to go to practice, a crippling feeling of vulnerability would crash over him, one he hated but was impossible to ignore because something in his core was just that defective.

He didn’t know how to tell Kai that he didn’t have to worry about their parents punishing him anymore for the same reason he didn’t know how to tell Kai that he probably deserved everything that they did and said to him if not more. Days like this were perfect evidence, the obvious glitches in his DNA that made the two of them so different. Everyone could see it except Kai.

He didn’t know how to tell his brother that their father hadn’t said a word to him in over four months, hadn’t even looked at him for the past two. Six weeks ago their mother told him to close the window and three weeks before that she’d told him to stop chewing so loudly. He didn’t know how to tell Kai that despite all this he still clung to his birthday present like his life depended on it. He never showed Kai all the extra books he’d asked Miss Kwon to deliver to help break down the subject matter of the large accounting textbook so that one day their parents would acknowledge him, accept him to the extent that things would go back to normal. He didn’t know how to tell Kai that his chest hurt now because of it far more than the physical injury he’d caused himself before when he was shut away, far more than when their father vented his frustrations in a drunken stupor.

He didn’t want to tell Kai because he knew their parents put all the pressure on him now that they’d given up on their backup child. This year was the first year their birthday presents differed in anything more than color. People had been interacting with Kai differently ever since he went to that gala, more so than Kai probably realized, but Jongin could see it perfectly from afar.

Kai retracted his hands from the over his ears and slipped the headphones back on but at a much lower volume.

“You didn’t choose a club, did you?” he asked again. Jongin shook his head. “You did?” He nodded. “And it ends around when my soccer practice ends?” He shrugged. “Which one?”

“Poetry,” he said, voice shaking. A group of other boys just entered the classroom. One of them was named Woo Jiho, a boy who had a habit of walking by his desk whenever Kai wasn’t there and taking whatever pen and pencil he was holding, daring him with his eyes to take it back. It didn’t bother him enough to say anything. He had plenty of extra pencils anyway.

“And you want to go? Today?” Kai asked, a look of disbelief etched across his face. “What room is it in?”

“I’ll… I’ll walk you… there… just let me pack my bag.”

They walked hand in hand through the emptying hallways, his mind reeling trying to guess which rooms would be empty. Eventually they got to a hallway full of smaller reading rooms and he planted his feet causing Kai to turn back around and look at him.

“This one?”

“Yeah.”

“You want me to go in with you?”

“No.” He could feel Kai staring at him intently. Maybe Kai could feel the increase in his pulse. He’d never tried lying to his brother like this before.

“Ok.” Kai still didn’t move, still didn’t let go of his hand to go to soccer practice which must be starting any minute now. He hadn’t even changed his clothes yet. “I’ll try to check my phone during water breaks so… text if you need anything.” He nodded and Kai sighed, unlinking their hands to put in his own pockets. “I’ll meet you back here around 6:30.”

“Mhm.” It was a weak response and he knew Kai was waiting for him to look up in confirmation.

“Hey Jongin?”

“Yeah?”

“Did you have anything you wanted to tell me?” He licked his lips, putting his hands in his pockets as well, and shook his head. There was a long pause. “Ok.”

He waited until Kai had turned the corner to open the door to the small study room. It was empty, luckily, and a round table took up most of the space, bookshelves lining two of the walls with encyclopedias and randomly chosen novels.

He made his way over to a seat in the corner where one of the bookshelves met the window, the wooden table smoothe under his palm. Outside he could see some of the sports teams starting to warm up. Kai was sprinting along the edge of one field and into the trees that obscured his view of the soccer field.

Jongin turned his headphones back up but not as loud as they were before since he was alone. He still didn’t feel quite comfortable without Kai but he pulled his backpack up on the table anyway and reached inside. Instead of grabbing one of his school books to begin his homework, tremors of anxiety still rippling through him, he reached for a smaller one on nail art along with a bag of nail polish of a variety of colors he’d convinced Miss Kwon to let him borrow. If anything it got him to stop from silently waiting around until she showed him whatever new design she had on her fingers.

He was still really bad at it and rarely got time without Kai around to get better. He practiced on his toes wanting to surprise Kai once he got good at a design he liked. He wanted it to be for something special and Kai’s first soccer scrimmage of the year seemed to be the best time. It was only a few weeks away.

Once he took off his right sock and shoe, he spread out his toes, a spark of happiness stopping the trembling in his hands even though it looked like a unicorn had barfed all over his oddly trimmed toenails. It still made him feel pretty when everything else about him was plain. The oranges and blues and reds brought a smile to his face but when the door slammed open his heart stopped.

“Hey Jongin!”

It was Jiho and when Jongin looked up a little bit he saw him leaning against the open door with his arms crossed, his friends all waiting out in the hallway but only two of them seemed to acknowledge him. It still made his heart pound in his chest, the bang the door made against the wall still ringing in his head, the whispers and stares of Jiho and his friends making his throat constrict. He could hear Jiho walking around the table until he took the chair next to him, staring at him more intently than he was before.

“You really are skittish, aren’t you? Will you say hi to me if I get one of those idiots to close the door?” Jiho was so close he could smell the Tteokbokki on his breath but soon after he called out to one of his friends he heard the door shut. “You know when you stay silent like that, people will think you’re a stuck up little brat.” He sucked in a breath when Jiho slapped an arm over his shoulder, insides shrinking in until he was hunched over and squeezed into the corner of the small chair. Perhaps the reaction was so violent Jiho got the hint and took his arm away soon after.

“P-p-please…”

“Huh? What was that?” He bit his tongue, embarrassed when people couldn’t hear him and asked him to repeat.

“Go…”

“Go? Go where? Jongin, the whole reason I’m here is because… well… I only started at Oak Hill last year and you seemed like a cool guy. Now that I’m in your section I think it’s a shame we haven’t gotten acquainted yet. I might not look like it, but I’m kind of bad at approaching new people so I’ve just been taking all your pencils hoping to start a conversation!” Jongin looked to the side to see Jiho leaning back in his chair with a grin. He blushed when he realized what the other had just said.

“Wha… what?”

“I think you’re cool. Let’s hangout. Wow this is really easy! You should tell your brother to cool off by the way. He looms over you like a tiger whore guarding her bastard cubs.” His tone was abrasive, words vulgar, and gaze a bit intimidating, but Jiho still smiled at him. Nobody had ever asked to be his friend before but today was a bad day, one of his bad days, and his heart was still beating uncontrollably. He wanted to go home.

“Oh…”

“Is that nail polish?” he asked suddenly. “You wear that shit?” Moving his leg so his foot went further under the table only caught Jiho’s attention and the next second the other boy was turning his chair around until the rainbows on the tips of his toes were clearly visible. Jiho laughed. “Cute.” Jongin’s face was burning.

“You… you think so?”

“Yeah man. Definitely. You should paint your fingernails though so everybody at school can see.” He reached over onto the table. “Hot pink. That would definitely look the best. You want to stand out, right? I don’t blame you. If I had a brother hellbent on hiding me away from the world, I’d try hard to stand out too.” Jongin looked up in confusion. Jiho’s words rubbed him the wrong way but he was caught off guard when the other boy laughed again. “Just kidding. COME ON IN GUYS!” He could feel the world tilting when all of Jiho’s friends came into the small room, one of them looking pissed that there were no more chairs left. Jiho nudged him against the arm. “Get up, Jongin. Can’t you see my friend here wants to sit?”

“I… I…”

“Like you’re my friend too but you’re also a retard. Sitting in a chair, standing up, or laying on the floor is pretty much all the same to you right? Try to be considerate.” Jiho gave him the same look he did whenever he took one of his pencils but before he could close his eyes to concentrate on his breathing he was grabbed by the shoulders and pushed to the floor, the annoyed looking boy taking his seat instead.

It felt like the world was closing in on him with too many unfamiliar faces in such a small room. The ridges of the bookshelf were digging into his back and the boy in front of him kept tilting his chair in his direction. He heard them mention his name so he turned his headphones all the way up again. Several minutes later Jiho flicked him on the forehead, leaned down, and unplugged his portable CD player to catch his attention.

“Hey Jongin. Minhyuk was fucking around with some of your nail polish and it spilled. Go to the bathroom and get some paper towels.” Some of the other boys laughed. Jongin was still frozen in his spot.

“I think he’s too dumb to understand you. Ya gotta say it slower,” one of them piped in. Jiho scoffed but knelt down on the floor next to him. Jongin closed his eyes but this time when the headphones were dragged off his head there were no warm hands that replaced them, just another hard flick to the forehead.

“You can’t make fun of retarded people, guys. Make Jongin go out there alone and he might not be able to find his way back. That’s why his brother has to lead him around by the hand all the time.”

“Probably wears a diaper too!” Jongin could feel himself sweating, the shelf stabbing into his back deeper the more he pressed his body backwards. He wanted to go home.

“How about this?” Jiho said, voice far closer to his ear than what Jongin wanted. “Tell us all you’re a retard and I’ll get Minhyuk to clean up the mess himself.” It was a familiar request, a style of acknowledging his own faults that his mother used quite often. Jiho’s cold hands grabbed the sides of his face, his thumbs digging under the skin of his eyes until he opened them. “This is how Kai gets you to go along with whatever he says, right?” Jiho said just above a whisper.

The feeling of someone else touching him made him feel off balance, disoriented, in danger, but he held it together enough to make it stop.

“I’m a retard.”

“Say ‘I’m a retard, Jiho _hyung_.'”

“I’m a retard, Jiho… Jiho hyung.” His hands loosened their grip, one coming back to pat him on the cheek.

The mess on the table was cleaned up and all of his belongings were shoved back into his backpack before it was thrown at his face. He exchanged numbers with Jiho before they all left. Jongin crawled back into one of the chairs just a few minutes before Kai arrived to pick him up.

In the morning he woke up to a text from Jiho.

**From: Jiho**

**To: Jongin**

**Come back to the study room after school. I want to try something with you.**

***

Kai reached up to loosen the knot on his tie but his mother’s hand slapped it away.

“Leave it. You look absolutely perfect right now.” He turned to look back out the tinted black windows of the car. They were driving alongside a park and up the road he could see the restaurant he knew they had reserved for lunch. Flowers were just beginning to bloom amongst the grass and in the trees and many women walked by wearing hats of yellows, greens, blues, and oranges, arm in arm with men who looked very well put together themselves. They wore clothes similar to his own: ivory slacks, button up shirt under bright sweaters, but they looked comfortable walking along the sidewalk. The way his hair was combed and gelled to the side made him feel old and Kai didn’t like feeling old. He’d much rather run around in his Oak Hill soccer gear and roll in the mud.

“Why are we doing this again? I told you I don’t hangout with Soojung at school. This is just going to be awkward.”

“The point is so you can _meet_ her, Kai. Haven’t you ever wanted to talk to any of the pretty girls you see everyday?” He thought of Taemin and Jinri, or rather Taemin constantly talking about Jinri. He said she was pretty all the time but Jinri was also pretty beast at being a soccer goalie for the girls’ middle school team. Most of the other girls he saw he thought were pretty too even if other boys would make fun of them for being slightly overweight. Girls were soft looking and for homecoming they always put red ribbons in their hair. They always walked around in big groups and Sehun said once that they can only go to the bathroom in groups too.

“Will her friends be there?”

“No, why would they be?”

“Because girls only go out with their friends. Like, at least four of them.” His mother looked at him, hints of a smile coming onto her face as her lips slightly twitched.

“Not for these meetings.”

Then there were the other girls he’s seen, the ones in the magazines that would get passed around discreetly in the locker room. He had a few and he assumed Jongin somehow came across his own as well. Those girls were a lot different than the girls at school. Their breasts were bigger, their hair was longer, and they posed in uncomfortable looking positions for the pictures they appeared in. He assumed they were all around Miss Kwon’s age but imagining Miss Kwon like that made him blush. He definitely would never want to speak to the women in those magazines, much less have lunch with them, but when he woke up with an uncomfortable stiffness between his legs it’s them he’d think about. Taemin said it was normal. Talking to Jongin about it seemed strange, so he left his brother to his own methods. He must have something hidden under his bed too.

“Come on Kai, we don’t want to be late,” his mother said just as Mr. Park opened the car door for her. It was a beautiful day but he couldn’t help but feel a little bit unsure of himself by the time they were seated at a rather secluded table overlooking a nice garden. Soojung wasn’t there yet and the items on the menu all came with too many vegetables.

“When is she coming?” he asked after he’d looked over the menu three times.

“Be patient. She has to get all dressed up so it’s understandable if she’s a little bit late. Sehun’s mother has organized tons of these lunches already. I thought Sehun would have talked to you about it.” He leaned back in his chair and thought about it but didn’t recall Sehun mentioning anything about having lunch with anybody. “There was a young lady his mother said really enjoyed their lunch together, so much that they organized a second one but that was a few weeks ago and I haven’t heard about it since. Shame.” Kai scratched the side of his neck. There was just a hint of humidity in the air.

“Oh! Mrs. Jung!” his mother said happily. He turned around and saw who he assumed to be Soojung and her mother approaching all dressed similarly to all the other women he saw elsewhere in the restaurant except Soojung was very, _very_ pretty. He only realized he was staring when there was a pause in the flow of conversation. He was supposed to introduce himself.

“Uh…” She stood there smiling at him. “Sorry, I’m Kim Kai.” He didn’t notice his mother beaming at him.

“Well we’ll leave you two to it. Pick up is in two hours!”

“Wait. What? Mom?”

“Yes?” she said, turning around with the type of sweet voice she definitely never used at home.

“Where are you going?”

“To catch up with Mrs. Jung. We went to Oak Hill together. Graduated the same year.”

“That’s great. I can’t wait to hear all about it,” Soojung said brightly, walking to his side but the second their mothers were out of earshot she snorted then laughed, posture going from straight as a flagpole to relaxed and carefree. “Sorry if my mom scared you,” she said. “She’s really into these types of things.”

Soojung moved to plop down in one of the chairs and it was only then that Kai realized there were only two at the table to begin with. He took his seat opposite.

“So many vegetables…” she muttered but Kai still heard it anyway and perked up.

“I know right? It all sounds nasty.” Soojung licked her lips, raised her hand in the air, and snapped her fingers. In seconds a waiter was at their table.

“Yes, madam?”

“Hello. I couldn’t help but notice that you didn’t have burgers on the menu.” Kai sat in his seat, dumbfoundead. The waiter had an expression on his face that he imagined mirrored his own. “But I do see that you have plenty of meals that involve beef.”

“Why yes, we do. Would you like me to recommend something for you two?” Soojung’s smile grew even wider.

“Please tell the chef that Kim Kai of Kim Enterprises and Jung Soojung of Arrow Pharmaceuticals would like two cheeseburgers, medium rare, and…” she looked up at him as if to consult. “Two large sodas?”

“Uh. Yeah.” He hesitated. “Cola is good.” Expecting the waiter to lash out at them, he just wrote down everything they said instead before walking away quickly. It was the first time he'd ever heard someone say his name in a way so associated with his father's company.

“I really hate these types of places. Sometimes I just want to get rid of these dumb clothes and roll around in the mud. Mom would throw a fit if I did though.” Kai let out a laugh louder than what he intended. Maybe this whole thing wouldn’t be as awkward as he originally thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OTHER STORIES BY UNUSUAL_TABLE
> 
> [With Love, From Seoul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371987/chapters/55999948): Kim Jongin was in search of a better life. His search began with Park Chanyeol. A story told in four acts. [MAFIA!AU - CHANKAI, CHENBAEK, SULAY, KRISHAN]
> 
> [Bound by Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604130/chapters/56642974): Master had three simple rules for Wolf to follow. The first was to never go beyond the fence. The second was to never speak to lodgers. The third was to never respond to the howl of the Mountain Spirits that could be heard on nights of the full moon. [WOLF!AU - SEKAI, BAEKYEOL, LAYHAN]
> 
> [Ghost Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366250/chapters/58764295): After Junmyeon’s life falls apart, he retreats to his family’s small home near Daegu. Sequestered in his little house on the hill, he soon finds himself acquainted with an odd mailman named Zhang Yixing. [THEATRE!AU - SULAY]


	7. Part I: Chapter VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GENERAL CONTENT WARNING: This story is not for sensitive audiences.

Jongin loved his brother with all that he was but that didn’t mean he wasn’t capable of being jealous or envious of him. When he was younger he wanted to be exactly like Kai in every way. Now that he knew that was impossible, he only hoped to be a little bit like him. Friends, mainly. Jongin wanted friends of his own. But he wasn’t good at anything so why would anyone want to be his friend? 

School had always been a challenge for him. During class he was usually a mix of anxious and distracted and on any given night it would take him twice as long as it should to complete his homework even when his brother helped him. He enjoyed reading a lot but even then, he was a slow reader. Sports were out of the question. He couldn’t sing, couldn’t dance, could draw a little bit but not good enough to actually show anyone. All he could do was follow his brother around and hope he wouldn’t be the cause for any embarrassment that day.

So it would be an understatement to say that Jiho wanting to spend more time with him had been a shock. No one aside from Kai had ever invited him anywhere or expressed a desire to speak to him about anything. It felt like for the first time a door had opened for him, a door that Kai hadn’t walked through first to clear the way. It made it easier for him to keep lying about poetry club where initially he’d planned on coming clean. He didn’t get any enjoyment out of lying to Kai.

But that second day Jongin had waited in the study room in anticipation, the distant whistle from Kai’s soccer practice floating through the open window of the study room. Jiho walked in like he usually walked: slouched, seemingly disinterested, and honestly a little mean looking. He locked the door behind him grumbling vaguely about something irritating that must’ve just transpired with one of his friends. 

Jiho fixed him with a stare for a few long moments as if he were expecting Jongin to leave. When he didn’t, Jiho pressed him against the wall, Jongin’s body automatically curling in on itself. He thought for a moment that Jiho would hurt him, rescind his friendship, and erase his number from Jongin’s phone. He thought he’d messed all this up somehow before he even got a decent chance to try. He thought he’d tell Kai about how he lied. Kai would be furious and he’d look stupid for getting his hopes up.

But then Jiho was kissing him. A boy was kissing him and a thousand terrifying and confusing things slammed through him at once. Jiho kept kissing him through his tears that sprung up, his head spinning and aching. The more Jiho’s tongue probed his mouth, the tighter Jongin clung to the boy’s shoulders until finally he was allowed to breathe. 

“I knew you’d be easy,” Jiho said. 

He’d never heard of two boys kissing before. He didn’t understand why it was making him feel the way it was. He found himself thinking of Sehun suddenly but didn’t know why and pushed his brother’s friend out of his mind the more Jiho’s hands started to wander. Was it ok that they were doing this? Shouldn’t this only happen with girls? Why didn’t Jiho seem to care? Why wasn’t Jongin stopping him? Why did it feel this good to be so close to someone?

After more kissing, Jiho claimed smugly that an older boy at school had taught him how to do a lot of things, things he wanted to try on Jongin. Jiho promised that if Jongin did everything that was asked of him, they’d be best friends. It was unfathomable to think that anyone would want to call themselves Jongin’s best friend. It was even more unfathomable to Jongin that he would be kissed by anyone in his lifetime. But he liked Jiho’s kisses. It made him feel happy and wanted. So as the days passed by and Jiho started doing things that didn’t make him happy, he would make up for it by kissing Jongin until he felt less sad and his small bouts of panic subsided. But the day Jiho made him go from simply touching his erection to putting it in his mouth, it was difficult to be consoled and Jongin left school that day feeling unusually empty. He tried extra hard to make sure Kai wouldn’t notice.

At first he cried about what had happened early in the mornings before Kai would wake up. It was because he knew his brother was stressed too and he wanted to see if maybe for once he could solve a problem on his own, sort out his feelings on his own. The times he would see Sehun at school his heart would fill with shame and each time it did, Jiho was sitting there just a few rows ahead watching the whole thing unfold with a grin. It seemed Jiho managed to connect the dots before he did. 

The good thing about having a friend was that friends were always there to tell you the truth, not like Kai who only ever said what he thought he wanted to hear. Jongin thought that maybe part of having friends was learning how to be tough. Kai never came home crying and Sehun had sure said his share of nasty things to his brother who would just laugh it off and say something equally sharp back or outright punch him. So when Jiho said that Sehun would never want to be with him like they were together, would never want to kiss him or hold him for a long time, Jongin knew it was the truth. Jongin always knew he was different. Now he just knew he was even more different.

“Do you love me?” Jongin asked a month later as Jiho made the familiar trail from his mouth down to his collarbone. The boy looked up at him incredulously. 

“What’s brought this on? Been reading fairy tales? Think you’re a princess?” Jongin found himself blushing at the accusation. Jiho sighed and draped his arm around his shoulders. “Remember to keep yourself quiet. I want to try putting it in your ass again.”

Jiho never answered his question but Jongin liked the way the boy felt pressed against his back and the way his breath felt against his neck. Maybe it was ok that he was having these feelings. Maybe it didn’t matter that there was something wrong with him if he finally mattered to someone besides his own brother as a result. It’s the happiest he could remember being in a long time. 

His thoughts of Sehun had dimmed over the past weeks into a distant dream, wishful thinking. His fantasies of stargazing with Jiho and watching movies cuddled together took over. They didn’t talk much when meeting up like this but he enjoyed the silence. Jongin was never the best at talking. The less he said, the less chance there was that he’d embarrass himself. He also liked the way Jiho would look at him, really _look_ at him. It was unnerving at first, then perplexing, then… nice. When they were apart, Jiho wasn’t big on texting but he never told Jongin to stop sending him the occasional picture of something funny Optimus Prime was doing. 

It didn’t hurt as much this time when Jiho pushed in but it still hurt quite a bit. He kept quiet with one arm over his mouth, his upper body jerking rhythmically on the wooden table. Jiho’s friends never made another appearance but he assumed Jiho was with them before he’d come to meet up in the study room. Clubs ran for two hours but Jiho would only spend time with him for the last thirty minutes or so. He was determined to make it so the next time Jiho brought his friends around he’d have a proper seat at the table. They’d see how Jiho regarded him and they’d know he was important even though Jiho made it clear that everything they did together had to remain a secret.

When Jiho finished, Jongin stayed still long enough for him to take pictures. He still found this part uncomfortable but he knew it made Jiho happy and gave him enough time to discreetly get the wetness out of his eyes. Soon came the kisses he liked the most and his spirits lifted. He knew Jiho didn’t like talking during these last moments but today Jongin found himself not wanting to let go. He couldn’t help himself.

“Are we boyfriends?” he asked as Jiho turned around to grab his backpack reverting back to his usually disinterested slouch. 

“Is there a reason you’re being so fucking annoying today?”

“I’m sorry,” Jongin said quickly, Jiho’s words hitting him like ice. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything. Maybe he hurt Jiho’s feelings somehow. Maybe he was hurt that Jongin would even have to ask in the first place if he loved him. If Jiho didn’t love him, he wouldn’t have kissed him so much or let him text or spend time with him everyday. 

Before he could come up with a better apology, Jiho already crossed the room and unlocked the door muttering “retard” under his breath as he slammed the door shut behind him.

***

Kai all but fell onto the grass by the bleachers, grabbing his water bottle and sloppily pouring it into his mouth before squirting some on top of his head. Sehun and Taemin slowly made their way over to him looking exhausted as well. Their first home game of the year was finally coming up and while their coach was pushing them hard, Kai often had a habit of being even harder on himself and his own performance. Every single day he’d run until he thought he would puke. Once he actually did.

“I think we have a good lineup this year,” Taemin said, taking a sip of his energy drink. “The first years are impressive.”

“Yeah. And who knew that Chanyeol guy would end up meeting all the hype,” Sehun said just as the boy in question was being pulled over to have a one on one conversation with their coach.

Kai’s gut twisted a bit as he watched it happen. He didn’t know why Chanyeol irked him so much. Well, he did know. It was because he was brand new but could run circles around all of them. Even without ever saying anything about it, his friends had picked up on his quickly building animosity. He couldn’t think of a time in his entire life he’d felt this way about anything.

“Just because he’s good during practice doesn’t mean he won’t freeze up during the game,” he said, only realizing once it was out in the open how it sounded. Taemin shrugged.

“Maybe. I’m honestly more curious about what his deal is.”

“What do you mean by that?” Sehun asked. Taemin rolled his eyes and gestured to the rest of the slowly dispersing team.

“Everyone at Oak Hill has a _deal_ , Sehun. I heard a rumor he was some sort of scholarship student but Baekhyun’s in his class section and apparently he’s not that special. I also heard he might have a sponsor of some sort, like the type to shuffle through all those gang-ridden schools you see in the movies to then choose a kid to give a better life.” 

Kai didn’t have to be looking at his two friends to know Sehun had kicked Taemin, chiding him for spreading nonsense. He was more focused on looking at Chanyeol and their coach, only looking away once the conversation apparently ended and the older boy turned around to look straight at him.

“Deny it all you want,” Taemin continued. “Fact is that he’s seemingly not from around the neighborhood, no one in his family has ever gone to this school, and no one knows who his parents are. Never talks to anyone either. Wouldn’t be surprised if he was just some pompous asshole, honestly. Maybe he grew up abroad.” 

Kai thought of the way Chanyeol had been when they’d run into each other in the hospital the previous year but found it hard to stir up any sympathy for him when he was fairly certain it wouldn’t be long until Chanyeol got his center midfield position. But no matter the reason for the tension he felt between them, they worked well together during practice. Chanyeol wasn’t a ball hog or anything. To any observer, Chanyeol was a perfect player. Kai chose to focus on that. It wasn’t like him to be jealous. Maybe playing alongside Chanyeol would make him improve in turn.

Taemin managed to carry an entire conversation on how their science teacher had a personal vendetta against him all by himself. They liked to hangout like this for a little bit after practice if they were all particularly beat. Kai enjoyed a breeze that came, lifting up his practice pinnie to get the most of it. Beside him, Sehun choked on his water. Kai noticed the red tinting his otherwise white cheeks. 

“You ok, Sehun?” he asked. Sehun lifted his head a little and shrugged.

“Just tired.”

After a few minutes the three of them got up, Taemin trying to look cool as the girls traveled in a massive group from the other soccer field. To his surprise, Yerim actually waved but made a gagging motion when Taemin struck a stupid pose.

“She’s totally into me.”

“Last year didn’t you say girls were creepy?” Sehun asked. Taemin scoffed.

“Yeah, like the first day of school last year. Since then I’ve discovered the wonders of pornography!” he exclaimed much louder than either of them thought was necessary. “Oh stop looking bashful. Kai, you appreciate the stuff I give you, right?”

“I don’t think it’s very realistic.”

“One can wish… and Yerim is my wish. She’s just… really great, you know?” Kai made eye contact momentarily with Sehun and he could tell the other was a bit shocked by the way Taemin talked about the feisty soccer goalie. “Just you wait, Kai. Soon, Soojung will be the only person you’ll ever think about.”

“Soojung?” Sehun asked.

“Oh yeah. Remember that dumb lunch I told you my mother made me go to? It was with this girl named Soojung. And like, she was pretty cool but when I look at her I’m sure not thinking of… of _porn_ ,” he said, voice lowering of the last part. When he turned to pick up his duffle bag Sehun stepped in front of him and hoisted it over his shoulder.

“I’ll carry it,” Sehun said quickly before walking off ahead of him. When he turned to say goodbye to Taemin the other boy was already trotting off to the opposite side of the field where Yerim had hung back with a few of her teammates.

He soon fell into step with Sehun and tried to get his bag back but Sehun just shifted it to the opposite shoulder. Kai punched him in the arm in retaliation but let him have his way. That’s when he looked Sehun up and down and stopped in his tracks.

“Are you… are you _taller_ than me, Oh Sehun?” he asked, stunned that he was only just now noticing this. Sehun looked back at him and stepped forward until they were basically nose to nose, but Sehun stepped away the second he finished trailing the palm of his hand from the top of his head over to the top of his own.

“Yeah, I guess I am,” he said with a grin. “But I guess that’s good because you always fall asleep on my shoulder.”

“Do not.”

“Do to.”

“Do not.”

“Do to.”

“I’m not getting into this type of argument with you.”

“Aw, is teeny tiny Kai upset?”

Kai kicked him again but Sehun only laughed running a bit ahead. Kai could feel the post-practice sleepiness already creeping up on him but frowned when he remembered all the homework he had to do and the paper his father wanted him to read about a subject he neither cared about nor understood.

Before long they were back inside the manor building heading towards the room where Jongin’s club was. He paused in his steps when he saw an irritated looking Woo Jiho leaving, slamming the door behind him.

“Hey!” he shouted but his classmate ignored him and walked quickly until he was around the corner.

Kai ran to the study room, opening the door to see Jongin looking both panicked and breathless, hair askew like he’d rubbed his head all over the carpet. He quickly brought Jongin into his embrace.

“Are you alright? Did something happen?” Jongin shook his head and gently removed himself. “You didn’t tell me Jiho was in this club.”

“Does it matter?”

“Does he talk to you?” 

Kai didn’t know much about the other boy except that he had to repeat a grade in lower school but still managed to get into Oak Hill at the start of middle school anyway. He walked around with a type of arrogance that he didn’t appreciate and he couldn’t imagine Jongin looking at him, much less speaking to him, and Jiho joining poetry club of all things was unexpected.

“Sometimes.”

“How come you didn’t tell me?” Jongin shot him a look Kai didn’t see often but knew exactly what it meant. 

“I have to tell you _everything_ now?” Jongin snapped, gaze wavering, voice lifting and slightly breaking at the end. Kai was too tired for this. Sehun stared at the two of them from the doorway like they’d both just sprouted wings. At least now he knew Kai was never lying when he said Jongin had the capacity to get angry.

“Whatever, Jongin. Just whatever.” 

They didn’t speak to each other on the way home or for the rest of the evening. They didn’t speak to each other before bed either but midway through the night he opened his eyes groggily to see Jongin slipping under the covers next to him.

“Kai…”

“You don’t have to say anything. I’m really proud of you, Jongin. You went out and made friends on your own. I’m just sad you didn’t tell me.”

“But… but I-”

“You’re amazing. Perfectly amazing. I’m sorry I got mad.”

Jongin started crying anyway just like he did whenever they’d end their little spats. But when he hugged Jongin tighter eventually they both fell asleep.

***

Kai’s first home game of the season was something Jongin was looking forward to even though he wouldn’t be able to see it. Too many people. Too many noises. Too much time sitting outside. 

He sat on the tiled floor of the bathroom refusing to be upset today. He just wanted to be happy. He didn’t want to ruin Kai’s day by not being able to hold himself together. Kai had to concentrate but also relax in order to play well. He was hard on himself enough before games as it was.

The feeling of the small brush gliding across his fingernails for the first time made the ghost feeling of Jiho’s touch less intense and soon the lonely turquoise turned into pretty swirls of greens and yellows and blues. He’d rolled up the sleeves of his pajamas to make sure they wouldn’t get dirty. Jiho said once that nail polish looked good on him. _Cute._ He’d used that word. 

He turned to the side to wave his hands in front of Optimus Prime who he’d taken into the bathroom as well to cheer him on. The turtle’s head poked in a few directions but otherwise had no noticeable reaction. Jongin had to use his foot to prevent the tiny creature from slowly walking into the bathroom wall. Optimus Prime had a bad habit of walking into walls.

He continued waving his hands back and forth until they dried while testing his smile in the bathroom mirror. By the time he could safely pick up Optimus Prime without turning the turtle a different color he was only marginally satisfied with the upward curve of his mouth: awkward and lopsided.

Kai’s reaction wasn’t what he was expecting. At first, Kai was just shocked but then his gaze softened.

“They’re really pretty, Jongin. Thanks for cheering me on like always.”

Jiho stopped meeting him in the study room after that day. He stopped sneaking looks at him during the school day too. Was this what it was like to break up with someone? Had they broken up? Had they ever been together? Was it even possible for two boys to date each other? They’d had sex or at least Jongin thought they did. Did it count if he wasn’t a girl? 

Even if they stopped doing those things, Jiho never said they weren’t best friends anymore. He’d done everything that had been asked of him, even the stuff that hurt, even the stuff that made him uncomfortable. It was a lot to think about. It was a lot to keep hidden from his brother. Kai probably thought he didn’t even know what sex was. Kai probably thought he would never want to be kissed.

He tried to be energetic for the rest of the morning by turning off his phone and smiling as widely as he could. He wasn’t going to think about anything else except soccer and Kai winning. He wasn’t going to think about his failed attempt at a relationship. He wasn’t going to worry about if he could feel the same way about a girl or not. He wasn’t going to think about his parents who were still treating him like he was invisible. 

When Jongin thought he heard Jiho’s friends whispering his name, all looking at him except for Jiho himself, he gained a glimmer of hope. But when Jiho kept ignoring him he turned up his headphones until Kai tapped the back of his hand motioning for him to lower the volume slightly. During class he enjoyed the way his nails looked against the white paper but also assumed that was the reason he was drawing so many glances which made him a bit more anxious than usual but it was nice not feeling so plain next to his brother. It made him feel a little bit proud whether Jiho decided to recognize him for it or not. 

By the end of the day, even though he was tired from smiling, he thought maybe he could do this everyday if he just concentrated hard enough. His spirits didn’t even go down after Kai went off to the field.

He looked as hard as he could through the open window. The soccer field was visible from here but everyone was too small to make out properly. He turned around, heart speeding up in his chest when he heard the doorknob of the study room turning. For the first time all day he smiled for real when he saw it was Jiho and his friends. 

It was the moment he’d been hoping for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! My summer semester is ending and final projects/exams are... ugh...
> 
> But this is an important chapter as it's sort of the catalyst for the rest of the story.
> 
> OTHER STORIES BY UNUSUAL_TABLE
> 
> [With Love, From Seoul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371987/chapters/55999948): Kim Jongin was in search of a better life. His search began with Park Chanyeol. A story told in four acts. [MAFIA!AU - CHANKAI, CHENBAEK, SULAY, KRISHAN]
> 
> [Bound by Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604130/chapters/56642974): Master had three simple rules for Wolf to follow. The first was to never go beyond the fence. The second was to never speak to lodgers. The third was to never respond to the howl of the Mountain Spirits that could be heard on nights of the full moon. [WOLF!AU - SEKAI, BAEKYEOL, LAYHAN]
> 
> [Ghost Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366250/chapters/58764295): After Junmyeon’s life falls apart, he retreats to his family’s small home near Daegu. Sequestered in his little house on the hill, he soon finds himself acquainted with an odd mailman named Zhang Yixing. [THEATRE!AU - SULAY]


	8. Part I: Chapter VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GENERAL CONTENT WARNING: This story is not for sensitive audiences.

It was one of the most boring soccer games Kai could ever recall playing. There wasn’t much time left but they were up by fourteen goals with the other team having only scored once. After the starters played keepaway during the first half, most of them got subbed out so those who didn’t get as much field time could use this game to work on their skills.

He yawned and leaned back against the bench while amusedly watching Sehun who stood with his hands on his hips at the center of the field, the other Oak Hill players maneuvering their way around in the offensive end. Sehun usually played attack but the coach moved him back to defense so he could still have a starter on the field just to intercept any passes that came into their end. Taemin nudged him in the side.

“Hey, Soojung’s here.” 

When Kai shifted his eyes from the field to the bleachers he eventually spotted Soojung who looked like she was just arriving as some people adjusted themselves to make room for her to sit down. It made sense since Soojung had her own after school activities to take part in. It was still a surprise that she made it out here at all and kind of a bummer because it was such a boring game. He watched her scan the field until she eventually looked over at the bench and when their eyes met she smiled and waved. He waved back. It was nice having someone besides his parents come to a game.

Focusing back on the field, he was startled to see Sehun staring right at him as well but the other boy quickly looked away in time to run to intercept a goalie clear and boot it back down to the forwards, a small cheer coming from the crowd.

“Did you invite her?” Taemin asked, not seeming to notice the exchange.

“No. I assume whatever she was doing before this got let out early.”

“Maybe she’s finally admitted to herself that you’re the best catch out there.”

  
  


“I already told you this tons of times. Soojung and I aren’t like that. Our moms are friends.” Taemin rolled his eyes.

“And I keep telling you that you’re smarter than this. Your families are going to want you to get married. Maybe not anytime soon but  _ definitely _ sometime in the next ten years.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said dismissively. Taemin shrugged and nudged off one of his cleats to scratch the bottom of his foot.

“I mean it’s not like it’s unusual. I read in the paper your two companies are flirting with the idea of forming a partnership.” Kai chose to ignore the fact that apparently Taemin read the newspaper since all he’d ever seen his friend read were comics and Playboy even if his family did found a large newspaper company.

“It’s not my company, it’s my father’s.”

“Same thing.”

“No, it’s really not. And what you’re saying is ridiculous.”

“You honestly think your dad doesn’t want you to eventually take his place?” Kai ignored his friend for a short moment, opting instead to look out onto the field but before long rolled his shoulders and crossed his arms. Sure his father had taken over from his grandfather, and his grandfather had taken over from his great grandfather but…

“You’re acting like I’m an only child or something. He hasn’t even mentioned me taking over. Stop pressing your own problems on me okay? It’s annoying.” Taemin raised his eyebrows.

“ _ My _ problems? Not only do I have an older brother, but I have an older sister too. Both are already in college. I don’t have to take over anything from anybody. I’m a free spirit.”

“Yeah, and I have Jongin.”

“But you’re the oldest.”

“By two minutes.”

“Two minutes is all it takes. Plus it’s not like Jongin can take over anyway.” Kai could feel his gut twisting with even more irritation.

“And why is that? He’s the one who reads up on accounting and whatnot.” It irritated him more now that Taemin was looking at him with an uncharacteristically soft gaze just like one would look at a fish that kept ramming into the same glass panel in a tank.

“Kai, you still don’t believe that Jongin is like…  _ normal _ , right?”

“Normal? Normal like what? He’s a hard worker and he already has a little bit of an interest in business. I haven’t even thought about what to do with my life. On top of that I haven’t thought about dating much less marriage, so don’t go walking around telling me what I’m bound to end up doing and act all shocked when you find out that my family isn’t as psychotic and controlling as yours!” At that moment the final whistle blew. Taemin shot up from his seat and stormed off to where their team was forming a huddle. By the time they’d shaken hands with the other school, Taemin had already taken his stuff and bolted leaving him with a simmering anger beneath his skin.

“You guys totally destroyed them. Good job!” Soojung shouted from behind him, both hands clapping him on either shoulder before moving around to face him. Her higher pitched voice shouldn’t have irked him more but at this moment it did.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah so… just wanted to catch you before you went home to ask if you’re maybe free this Saturday?” Kai shifted his weight to his heels and sighed a little louder than he planned to. Soojung’s smile faded a bit.

“No. My mom is busy this weekend.”

“And… can you tell me what your mom has to do with this?”

“I mean if we meet up it will be just us. Since my mom’s busy she can’t hangout with your mom.” Soojung crossed her arms. She wasn’t smiling at all now.

“Exactly. Just us two. We can go to like… a real burger joint or something instead of all those fancy places. We both hate going. What’s the problem?” Kai had to stop himself from pulling out his hair in frustration.

“Did Taemin talk to you earlier? He seems to be under the impression that we’re getting married or something. Don’t believe that. It’s crazy.” Soojung continued to stare at him even though most people had already left the field and he was running late picking up Jongin.

“I…” she started but then threw her hands in the air. “Nevermind.” And just like that she turned around and left and Kai got the feeling that he’d said something wrong but didn’t know what. He watched her go, heel digging into the ground because he was irritated that everyone seemed to be mad at him today all of a sudden but Sehun was still standing by the bench holding both of their bags. He didn’t even bother trying to snatch his own bag anymore once his friend got a hold of it.

They walked back together across the field and through the trees, Sehun muttering a few random thoughts every now and then. He mentioned Taemin looking pissed off but gave up trying to find out more information by the time they passed the playground. Once they headed through the archway they were surprised to see a large crowd in the courtyard, many with their phones out. Some were speaking quietly while still looking forward and others were finding it hard to suppress their laughter but all of a sudden there was a collective gasp which stopped Kai from simply ignoring whatever was going on. Except then a small group of girls walking away from the scene caught his attention.

“Poor kid. That’s Kai’s brother, right?”

“Yeah. I forget his name though. Jung… or Jae… something…”

Ignoring Sehun’s shouts, the next second Kai was all but plowing his way through the crowd which started to part naturally once they saw who he was. By the time he reached the center, everyone had fallen silent as Jongin heaved up the last of his vomit onto the soft grass. The first thing Kai noticed was how he was covered in paint that dripped and mixed in places to create a murky brown. It clung to the lopsided bra around his chest and the uniform skirt around his waist. When he tumbled over to his side to further hug his knees to his chest, clearly hyperventilating and shedding thick but silent tears, Kai saw his hints of glitter and feathers most prominent stuck all over his front.

Kai was frozen where he stood and only barely registered Sehun breaking through the crowd behind him only to run directly to Jongin, taking off his own soccer jersey and draping it over his body. He looked away from the pair and started eying the crowd, his skin turning cold but his insides growing hot with something he’d never felt before, couldn’t identify.

“Who did this?” he asked, voice carrying over the crowd silently.

People started looking around them and there was movement before Woo Jiho was pushed into the circle with a scowl etched onto his face and a video camera in one hand, his free hand covered in paint. Kai felt his jaw trembling, the heat from inside beginning to crack his frozen exterior.

He saw Jiho’s mouth moving but couldn’t hear anything he said. All he could hear was his own heartbeat and all he could feel as he tackled the boy to the ground was the blood rushing through his veins. It didn’t feel like it was him screaming with absolute rage as he brought the large camera down colliding with Jiho’s face over and over again until blood from his nose and mouth was running so thickly it began to pool on the grass and his movements stilled. It wasn’t until thick arms that could only belong to a teacher pulled him off of Jiho’s unconscious form by the waist that he gained enough clarity to see that Sehun and even Taemin had joined in to stop Jiho’s friends from ganging up on him. Many other students were staring at him looking absolutely horrified. 

Jongin was nowhere to be seen.

***

Everything felt like quicksand around him. He couldn’t stop shaking, couldn’t breathe, and there were unfamiliar hands on him, carrying him, that made his skin crawl. When he closed his eyes and tried to get away, all he saw in the darkness behind his eyelids were mouths curved up and opened with laughter and pairs among pairs among pairs of eyes and eyes and eyes all looking at him, all telling him the same thing. When he thought of being alone it conjured up images of dark enclosed spaces, the feeling of being trapped overwhelming him further and the thought of Kai only brought images of bloodied fists and crazed eyes instead of comfort.

The feeling of both flying and drowning at the same time subsided slightly when he felt cold tiles beneath his feet but the unfamiliar hands still touching his skin made him crawl blindly until he couldn’t move anymore. He tucked his head between his knees, panic starting anew as unfamiliar voices began floating around him but he couldn’t understand what they were saying. Soon many turned to one and one turned into none as silence settled and the hard floor beneath him stopped tilting.

Jongin didn’t know how much time had passed by the time he slowly looked up. He saw pipes and tiles. He was in a bathroom again under a row of sinks in the same position he’d been in earlier when trying to get away from… from Jiho. Why had Jiho done that to him? 

The similar image made him feel nauseated, like he was being squeezed in tighter and tighter and tighter into the dusty corner he occupied but just when he felt his throat tightening around nothing, a hand grabbed his chin and yanked his head to the side where he was met with large brown eyes staring at him sternly.

“What color is my shirt?” the boy asked in a deep voice with only a hint of raspiness left over from the change it probably gone through the past several months. Jongin instinctively flinched away from the foreign touch but the boy kept eye contact with him. “What color is my shirt?” he asked again. Jongin tore his eyes away from the large brown ones boring into his skull and looked down.

“Uh… uh… r-red…”

“What do you smell right now?” Jongin’s hands tightened into fists and he trapped them between his drawn up knees and his chest but took a deep breath in through his nose.

“Soap?”

“What do you hear right now?” Jongin closed his eyes and unclenched his hands.

“You,” he whispered. When he opened his eyes again the stranger still stared right back at him with a cold gaze. Jongin looked from the boy’s hands and over his stoney features to the large ears jutting out from the sides of his head and only realized then that he was breathing normally, that he could see clearly, and that everything around him felt more still.

“I’m Chanyeol,” the boy said. “I’m a third year middle school student at Oak Hill. You are in the basement level bathroom in the manor building near the art studios. You were brought here from the courtyard.” Chanyeol watched him nod in understanding. It was then that he noticed the jersey he was wearing.

“Soccer… you play soccer? With Kai?”

“Yes. But Kai isn’t here right now. He’s busy. Do you have any sort of medication that you need?” Jongin shook his head. “Ok. Then when you’re ready, do you want me to help wash all this stuff off of you?” he asked. Jongin looked down at himself, nails digging into the paint drying on his skin. Slowly he crawled out from under the sink and away from Chanyeol even though the older student seemed to be ready to catch him if needed when Jongin grabbed the counter to lift himself off the floor. 

There was paint in his hair too. He saw it in the mirror and wiped away a bit of it that was dangerously close to getting into his eye. Wordlessly, he rubbed at the paint on his fingers until his nail polish showed through beneath it. He stared at it for a long time. 

It was starting to make sense. Jiho said he was pretty. What more to make him prettier than colorful paint and glitter and feathers? That could be pretty too. That’s why they took so many pictures. But Jongin hated crowds. He was really overwhelmed by them. And Jiho’s friends said certain things that hurt his feelings. And then the whole school was laughing at him. Maybe he was only pretty in Jiho’s eyes. That would make sense. Why would anyone else at school think he was pretty? 

He flinched when the faucet turned on. Chanyeol was beside him with a bunch of paper towels. “Here,” he said, wetting a few and handing it to him but Jongin just continued to stand still. Wedged against the mirror was Sehun’s jersey, also a bit dirty with paint. Sehun had been out there in the courtyard. Sehun had helped him but Kai… he hurt Jiho. Why had he done that? Why did Jiho let his friends trap him like that outside where everyone could see? What if everyone hated each other now because of him? Because he lied?

“Let me help,” Chanyeol spoke to him again and Jongin found himself too numb to stop him. The older boy helped him out of the bra and started wiping the paint off his back. Jongin’s mind focused on the rhythm of his movements which surprisingly helped him calm down a little bit more. He thought about the questions Chanyeol had asked him earlier, how much more quickly it helped him find his bearings than all the other times it had happened where he just needed to wait for the feeling to pass. Chanyeol seemed like a good person.

“It was prettier when they first started putting it on,” he said quietly, half meeting Chanyeol’s eyes in the mirror. 

“You _ let _ them do this to you?” Chanyeol asked and if Jongin knew him better, he might say he sounded a little bit angry. 

“Jiho likes taking pictures of me,” he said, not sure what else to add. He stared down at the paint-covered bra, the thing they put on him after convincing him to take off his clothes. It shouldn’t make him feel sad, but it did. And it hurt to think he’d been wrong about them, that they didn’t like being around him, that Jiho didn’t like spending time with him. Because he’d begged them to let him go but they didn’t listen. Then again, no one really ever listened to him usually because he used the wrong words, maybe, or had the wrong ideas. But he used all the words he could think of. He really had. 

“He’s a bully. You’re telling me this isn’t the first time he’s done this to you?”

“He’s not a bully,” Jongin said more resolutely, putting his hands under the stream of water. It was all too much to think about and whenever he was confused about something, he knew he shouldn’t be talking to strangers about it. He just needed to get back to where he was supposed to be. “Where’s Kai?” 

***

Kai sat straight in his chair around the large conference table, bruised knuckles twisting into his soccer jersey. The man who had introduced himself as Shim Changmin sat far more relaxed in the chair next to him as a group of six people discussed amongst themselves, Oak Hill’s headmaster looking on from afar in silence.

He stared emptily at the glistening wood of the table, every cell in his body aching to get back to Jongin. He didn’t regret what he did to Jiho, an unfamiliar sort of satisfaction warming him when the Woo family’s personal legal team relayed information of a severe concussion, broken nose, and dislocated jaw.

“You’re doing well,” Mr. Shim said from beside him quietly.

“I don’t understand why I have to be here to resolve this.”

“Because your father requested it. He said this is a good opportunity for you to take action on your own.”

The group of men on the other side of the table turned to face him but their eyes were all directed at Mr. Shim as they began engaging in even more legal dialogue that he didn’t understand. Kai tugged on Mr. Shim’s shirt when he was about to make yet another rebuttal and spoke up himself.

“Do I have to repeat myself again? I don’t want Jiho at Oak Hill. I don’t want him in Seoul.” He glared even more when the men only spared him a glance before launching off on their own again and he sank back into his seat, anger slowly building until he could feel tears forming in his eyes. “I SAID I WANT HIM GONE!” All the men including Mr. Shim stared at him and it was only then that he realized he was breathing heavily and had slammed his fist onto the table. “I want him gone,” he continued a bit breathlessly. “He hurt my brother. Can’t you see that? I just want Jongin to be safe. That’s all I want.” The oldest man with gray and balding hair, large spectacles situated on his nose, gazed down at him.

“What our client’s son did to your brother was a simple prank. Right now you should be more concerned about us charging you for a vicious assault on a classmate.” Kai bit his tongue but Mr. Shim eased him back into his chair by pushing him gently against the shoulder.

“I believe your clients have received extraordinary and unending benefits due to their ties with Kim Enterprises,” the man said calmly. “This relationship may be strained if Woo Jiho does not switch academic institutions by the start of next term.” Mr. Shim eyed him when he twitched under his touch. He didn’t want Jiho around for the rest of the year. The summer months hadn’t even begun yet. He wanted him gone now.

“We have decided to come back to you with our course of action at another time, Mr. Shim,” the same man said after more deliberation. “The decision regarding this is not urgent, I assume, since Woo Jiho will be unable to come to school for a time to recover from his injuries. Does young Kai have any closing remarks?” the man asked, the condescending tone making his toes curl.

“No,” he said stiffly, feeling relieved when the men left the room. Sehun slipped inside once the legal team had left, standing straighter and unsure when he saw Kai was not alone. Mr. Shim curtly acknowledged him with a nod while packing up his briefcase. 

“Until next time, Kai,” the man said in farewell, leaving him alone with his friend.

“Are you ok?” Sehun asked when Mr. Shim’s footsteps had faded away. He still kept his eyes trained on the surface of the table. Now that all of the adults were gone he felt odd sitting there with the bruises he had and the odd taste of the words he’d spat at them finally registering. But beneath it all he was still angry, still furious not only because all of this happened in the first place but that he hadn’t caught it, hadn’t realized that another student in their very own section would do such a thing to Jongin and as he followed Sehun through the halls the possibility dawned on him that perhaps this hadn’t been the first time. Every single day after school Jongin had been left alone with Jiho. Every. Single. Day. For weeks. And all of a sudden everyone he saw in the halls fell under his suspicion, all the students who had simply stood there, watched, photographed, and filmed the things happening to Jongin and continued even after he arrived to put a stop to it all.

He had to stop himself from slamming open the door to the bathroom where Sehun had led him and instead eased it open slowly revealing Jongin sitting on the counter between two sinks wearing his boxers and Sehun’s forgotten soccer jersey. Taemin had been the one to tell Sehun where Jongin had gone off to before immediately being taken home by his parents. Kai quickly rushed up to him but hesitated when Jongin flinched when he touched his knee.

“Chanyeol?” Sehun said from the doorway and Kai followed the direction of Sehun’s gaze. 

Past the stalls, Park Chanyeol stood leaning against the far wall, Jongin’s backpack by his feet. Chanyeol looked just as uninterested in his presence as he always did and Kai instinctively stepped in front of Jongin when Chanyeol began to walk closer. “What are you doing here?” he demanded. Chanyeol raised an eyebrow, holding Jongin’s backpack up now with two of his fingers.

“What does it look like? I was taking care of your brother while you were too busy bashing that kid’s face in,” he said, gaze sliding over to Jongin. Kai shifted enough again to bring Chanyeol’s attention back to him, a strained silence stretching out between them.

“Kai…” He whipped his head around to face Jongin who looked at him warily but this time instead of flinching away from him, he reached out to pull him closer until their fingers intertwined like usual. Kai tugged lightly until Jongin slid off from the counter and immediately came to his side, chunks of paint still visible in his hair. He knew having Chanyeol and even Sehun as an audience was making him uncomfortable. He looked up to face Chanyeol once again.

“Don’t talk to my brother. Don’t look at my brother. Don’t even go  _ near _ him. Understand?” He only barely managed to catch Jongin’s backpack when Chanyeol lazily tossed it at him.

“You can’t be his guard dog forever,” Chanyeol said while sliding his hands into his pockets. “And really, you haven’t been for a long time.” 

Like that he walked away without saying another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OTHER STORIES BY UNUSUAL_TABLE
> 
> [With Love, From Seoul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371987/chapters/55999948): Kim Jongin was in search of a better life. His search began with Park Chanyeol. A story told in four acts. [MAFIA!AU - CHANKAI, CHENBAEK, SULAY, KRISHAN]
> 
> [Bound by Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604130/chapters/56642974): Master had three simple rules for Wolf to follow. The first was to never go beyond the fence. The second was to never speak to lodgers. The third was to never respond to the howl of the Mountain Spirits that could be heard on nights of the full moon. [WOLF!AU - SEKAI, BAEKYEOL, LAYHAN]
> 
> [Ghost Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366250/chapters/58764295): After Junmyeon’s life falls apart, he retreats to his family’s small home near Daegu. Sequestered in his little house on the hill, he soon finds himself acquainted with an odd mailman named Zhang Yixing. [THEATRE!AU - SULAY]


	9. Part I: Chapter VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GENERAL CONTENT WARNING: This story is not for sensitive audiences.

_“Where’s Kai?”_

Just stay quiet. That’s what he was supposed to do no matter how bad or strange things got. If he didn’t know what he was supposed to say, he needed to just stay quiet, to ask for Kai or Miss Kwon or his parents. Jongin had been told this so many times by everyone at home in one way or another. It was the only way to almost guarantee he wouldn’t get into as much trouble, just the trouble that might come with causing an inconvenience. 

_“Where… where is my brother?”_ he’d asked again.

Yet in cleaning himself off while Kai’s teammate watched him with an expression that was impossible to interpret, it slowly dawned on him that the amount of commotion he’d caused that day with the amount of people who had laughed at him, that he’d failed again. He’d been an embarrassment again regardless of Jiho’s intentions or motivations, regardless of how pretty or fun Jiho thought he was like this. He’d caused trouble for his brother and by extension trouble for the rest of his family. 

_“You need to stand up for yourself,”_ Chanyeol had said then. _“And you need to tell someone how people, especially your family, treat you.”_

If he were thinking right, if he hadn’t already exhausted himself so thoroughly, and if Chanyeol hadn’t already been kind to him, he would’ve caught right away that someone like Chanyeol shouldn’t know certain things. Things that happened in the house and things said between family members were to be kept private, not told to friends or teachers or doctors. Jongin had already made that mistake only last fall in the hospital and it had caused so many bad things to happen. He’d broken everyone’s trust. It’s why now his parents barely looked at him, barely spoke to him. It’s why Kai had become even more paranoid about spending any amount of time apart. He regretted it all so much every single day. 

Jiho had been the only good thing to happen to him since then. Now everything was falling apart and once again he was at the center of the problem. He would get in trouble for this sooner or later. All the times his mother threatened to send him away… what if that would happen? What if Kai stopped looking at him or speaking to him too? What would he do then? 

_“I… I can’t.”_ Just stay quiet. _“I…”_ And there it was, the realization. _“I also don’t know what you’re talking about.”_ Repeat. _“Where’s Kai?”_

Just stay quiet. He kept saying that in his mind and stuck true to it. He repeated it even when Kai finally did come to him, lacing their hands together and hugging him tightly when they were finally alone. He wasn’t giving him the cold shoulder or cursing at him like he had momentarily feared but it didn’t make him feel as good as he thought it would. His head still hurt, his feet still dragged, and he still felt overwhelmed when they made their way down the empty hallway. That and despite Kai’s physical familiarity, it was easy to tell that he was upset in one way or another, the way he got when someone told him something he didn’t want to hear.

“Your clothes aren’t in here,” Kai said tensely, digging through Jongin’s backpack for the third time. They were in the art room now, the one the high school students used. The lights weren’t as harsh and it smelled a lot better in here than in the bathroom, like paints and clays. Kai eventually switched to open up his own bag, the one he used for soccer. 

“Here, put these on,” he said, holding his sweatpants open in front of where Jongin’s feet rested on the rung of one of the art room’s stools. 

“I can do it,” Jongin muttered but Kai started forcing the pants over his feet anyway, pushing them up his legs until Jongin could simply reach out and pull them up the rest of the way himself. Kai’s socks, likely dirty ones, along with his Adidas slides came next.

As Kai finished with his feet, his hands still spotted with dried blood and blooming with bruises came up to smoothe over his shoulders. He tried not to notice it and focus on something else instead. 

The sweatpants were warm and soft around his legs as he squeezed his knees together and shut his eyes tight. Like many times in the past, Kai moved his hands from his shoulders to rest over his ears, blocking out even the white noise of the empty classroom. This did make him feel better, slowly, as the tension in his body ebbed away. All the things he wanted to scream and shout, all the questions he wanted to demand answers to, and all the fears he had about what came next at home and at school were muted by the time he eventually held Kai’s gaze.

“Do you remember that promise we made each other years ago when you cut your hand on that glass?” Kai asked, moving a stool to sit opposite him and holding each of his hands. “Do you?”

“Yes…”

“And what was that?”

“To never lie to each other.” 

“Right. So I need to know… why did you lie to me about poetry club?” Kai didn’t sound mad but the grip on his hands tightened like he was expecting Jongin to hop off the stool and run away. But on the contrary, it almost washed him in a sense of sudden relief. Everything had gone wrong so quickly Jongin didn’t know what he’d do if he had to go another second not coming clean, apologizing and explaining. But he still hesitated. Jiho said that no one could ever know what they’d really done during the times they spent together. All the kisses they’d shared, all the ways Jiho had touched him; what would Kai think of it all? What if, somehow, Kai already knew?

“I didn’t want to worry you,” he said slowly. “It just happened. I didn’t plan to lie. But I… you looked so happy when I said I’d go to a club activity, like I’d finally done something good.” 

“You don’t have to impress me, Jongin. You’re already great, already perfect no matter what you do or don’t do,” Kai said like he’d said so many times before, telling Jongin what he thought he wanted to hear and thought he could believe. “All I want is for you to be comfortable and happy and safe.” 

But Kai had probably forgotten that back then he’d been stressed out about and focused on a number of things. Jongin refusing to go to a club that day would have caused a lot of inconveniences. Alternatively, going to a club for real that day instead of betting on an empty room would have only resulted in Jongin embarrassing himself drowning in his own anxieties in front of less familiar schoolmates. It wasn’t a malicious lie he’d crafted. It wasn’t supposed to lead to all that had happened today. 

“Why didn’t you tell me about Jiho?” Kai asked further and at that Jongin found himself hesitating again.

“Wh-what… what about Jiho?”

“About him bothering you. Hurting you.” Another wave of relief. Kai didn’t know.

“Jiho never bothered me or hurt me. We ran into each other in that room by chance. Jiho wanted to spend time together and talk to me. We even exchanged numbers. We’re friends. I wanted you to be proud that I’d made a friend.” 

“No, Jongin,” Kai said roughly, the gentle nature vanishing from his voice just like it had sounded when he’d dismissed Chanyeol earlier. “I’m your friend. Sehun and Taemin are your friends. That spectacle Jiho made of you today? That’s not what friends do.” Jongin shook his head.

“Today was my fault. I upset him recently but he was on his way to forgiving me. I could tell. But then… but then… why did you hurt him? It’s not like you to hurt people. It… scared me, Kai. I didn’t understand it.”

Kai let go of his hands then, bending down to zip up both of their bags. He ran his hands over his face in frustration and roughly kicked the stool he’d been sitting on causing it to slide then clatter to the floor. This is what Kai was like when he was growing angry and the momentary calm Jongin managed to hold was knocked off balance. He tried to hold everything in but couldn’t.

“Jongin? Jongin please don’t cry…” Kai almost begged him, moving back towards him quickly. But his grasp on his arms wasn't helping. “Let’s go home. Miss Kwon can fix you something to eat. I’ll put Sehun’s and Taemin’s numbers in your phone and we can go to bed early then tomorrow we can talk about this some more, ok? You’re not yourself right now.” 

Jongin didn’t argue as Kai coaxed him off the stool and out of the classroom. The sun was setting and the courtyard was vacant. If it weren’t for the traces of paint and feathers where everything earlier that day had happened, it would have looked as peaceful out here as on any other day. But maybe Kai was right. Maybe he wasn’t quite himself. Maybe neither of them were. 

But that sense of foreboding started creeping back when it wasn’t Mr. Park who was waiting on them. It was their father’s private driver who they only ever saw from time to time. Kai explained that Mr. Park probably had to drive the family lawyer back home, confirming that their father had been alerted of the day’s events. 

Kai told him about the meeting that had taken place, how that was what had held him up so much. Jongin wanted to ask about Chanyeol, if he was a friend of Kai’s and if that’s why he spoke like he knew things about their family that no one should know and why apparently both Sehun and Taemin had left him alone with him after not much debate. Jongin could count on one hand the amount of times he’d purposely been left somewhere without a familiar face. More time had passed than Jongin had initially anticipated between being dragged down the stairs by Jiho’s friends and getting to grips with himself beneath the bathroom counter aided by Chanyeol’s prompts. 

The car door was open now, already parked inside the gates of their home. Overhead, dark clouds were quickly gathering around. It was going to rain soon. Kai still sat entangled with him in the backseat, waiting for him to make the first move but Jongin stayed still. This was the part he dreaded most, the part where one way or another he would be separated from Kai and sent to his father’s study. But Kai either never noticed the pattern or just did not want to acknowledge it. 

“Come on. You should really hurry and take a shower,” Kai encouraged him but after a few moments of him just staring at the looming front door, Kai left his side and circled around the car to offer his outstretched hand. “Come on, Jongin. We can even go right to bed if you want.”

Bed sounded nice. He will feel better tomorrow. There was a chance that his parents wouldn’t even speak to him today. Maybe they wouldn’t speak to him at all. Maybe they expected him to fail so completely at some point that it wouldn’t be a shock and wouldn’t cause anger. Tomorrow he’d be able to apologize to everyone. He’d apologize to his parents like he always did and maybe this time they’d turn back to look at him and accept his apology even if he’d caused so much embarrassment and even if he hadn’t stayed as quiet as he knows he should’ve. Kai would see that Jiho was his friend once he could clearly lay out his thoughts and experiences. Jiho would understand why Kai did what he did, he’d understand Kai’s protective nature. If everyone understood each other, lawyers wouldn’t have to be involved anymore.

Jongin took Kai’s hand and got out of the car just as Miss Kwon emerged from the house almost stumbling as she did so with her bag in hand, face looking far more pale than it usually did, eyes red as if she had been crying. She looked to the two of them then looked to their father’s driver.

“Where is Yoohwan?” she asked the man frantically. “He was supposed to pick them up like always! Where was he sent?”

“It is my understanding that this is none of your concern anymore, Miss Kwon,” the driver said with his distantly familiar dry voice. Miss Kwon took her focus off of him altogether and looked over to them instead.

“Jongin, Kai, get back in the car! quickly!” Jongin looked from Miss Kwon over to his brother who was still holding his hand, obviously just as confused by the scene playing out in front of them as he was. But before Kai could ask any questions, it was their mother who stormed through the front door, face red with anger like Jongin had never seen before.

“GET AWAY FROM MY CHILDREN, YOU WHORE!” she screeched, but Miss Kwon pushed away the driver who had begun to pull her away.

“Just let me take Jongin. Please… _please_ don’t let this continue! You know this isn’t right. You know your husband is unwell!” 

Jongin looked up almost as if in wonder, the words being said escaping his notice when it was his mother gripping his other hand, his mother calling him her child. And the next moment the three of them were inside in the dimly lit foyer. 

“What’s going on?” Kai asked from beside him. “Why is Miss Kwon leaving? What was she talking about?”

Their mother didn’t answer either of them but instead pulled them both towards the main staircase. Once in the upstairs hallway she stopped in front of a guest bedroom, separating Kai’s hand from Jongin’s and pushing Kai inside. The door slammed in his face before Kai could properly react and then she took out the keys to lock him inside. 

“Jongin,” she said next, looking at him directly for the first time in months. “Your father would like to speak with you. In his study.” 

***

Just stay quiet. That was what was best. Be thankful. Be grateful his parents weren’t still pretending he was invisible. Be grateful Kai was still showing concern for him. Be grateful anyone had ever wanted to kiss him.

It was a familiar walk, one punctuated by the grip his mother had on the collar of Jongin’s borrowed soccer jersey with the sounds of Kai shouting and pounding on the guest room door in the distance. It was a familiar terror, one that would be over soon. Tomorrow would be better than today. 

His father sat at his desk just like he always did. The inside of the study was more extravagant than the rest of the house yet it had been a long time since Jongin had let his eyes wander. He did so now to attempt to calm himself, just a little, so that when he spoke it would be clear and firm. He looked upon the velvety chairs the color of red wine, bookshelves as high as the ceiling decorated with small stone and wood carvings of bears, lions, and other fierce animals. His father’s eyes were still trained on the computer screen in front of him as he balanced a glass of whiskey in his hand, lazily taking a sip, ice clinking against the glass in the process. Hanging off the corner of the desk was what Jongin recognized as the cardigan Miss Kwon would often wear around the house, now ripped at the collar with buttons missing.

“I’m sorry,” Jongin whispered first by accident but then repeated more loudly like he’d planned. “I’m sorry. I caused embarrassment for the family and became an inconvenience for Kai. I know I am lacking in… in s-so many ways.” He paused, feeling the wavering becoming more prominent in his tone, his heart beating so fast it was like everything in front of him was going in and out of focus. “I understand this. But I will work harder and continue trying my best to become a better person and do whatever I can to make up for all that had to be done today due to my actions. I love you and mother and Kai. I’m so very sorry.”

The man let the silence between them grow thicker as he finished his glass and filled it up again, taking a moment to almost stroke the label on the bottle as if recalling a fond memory. He set it down eventually and leaned back in his chair, finally looking up.

“Who the fuck gave you permission to speak?” Jongin let the sharp words cut through him followed by shame. Just stay quiet. He should’ve stayed quiet. Apologizing was for tomorrow when things were better, not today. Nothing good would happen today. “Sit down. I have something to say to you.”

Jongin did not let the surprise of his father’s words delay him as he hurriedly pulled back one of the velvet chairs on the opposite side of the desk to seat himself with the best posture he could muster. He watched the man loosen his tie.

“For fourteen years I’ve watched you grow in this house like a cancer. I ask myself how I could’ve allowed this. I ask myself where this weakness of mine came from. But how could I have known that despite our best efforts, despite _my_ best efforts, you would turn out to be this… this _disgusting leech_? But that’s what you’ve always been. You sucked life from your mother, sucked life from your brother, made them have these sympathies for you. Only I could see clearly. 

“Kai… he will take some work, no doubt. You manipulated him well, made him distracted and at times pathetic. Chiori… well, you can only expect so much from a woman. I need to right my wrongs. I’m going to right my wrongs tonight.” His father always spoke eloquently and it was no different now but the more he continued, the more he seemed to derail. 

“They think they can stop me. They think the papers will ruin me,” he went on. “They think… do _they_ think I can be thrown into prison? I OWN THE PRISONS!” he shouted suddenly, standing up. “I OWN YOU! AND THEY THOUGHT THEY COULD USE _YOU_ TO STOP _ME_? It’s… it’s funny…”

Jongin stayed still where he sat, silent. He willed his heart to not break but was also confused by the direction his father’s words had taken. He only stared up at him trying his best to look respectful and not frightened. But it all happened so quickly, both the action and reaction. The bottle his father had poured from shattered against the far edge of the desk, the path it took going right through where Jongin’s head had been only milliseconds before as he leapt to the side and huddled on the floor. His body knew before his mind did, that all of a sudden today did not feel like other days. 

“DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO RUN AWAY FROM ME!” his father shouted when Jongin tried to move away again, crawling as quickly as he could back to the office door. He was silent even as his father wrestled him away from it, the taste of blood in his mouth growing stronger with each punch to his face. The weight of the man on top of him only left long enough for his feet to start striking him instead. It was these that caused him to scream, these that made his bones shake. “SHUT UP!” his father shouted over him. “I SAID SHUT UP!” 

He started to feel faint when hands wrapped around his neck and his face was repeatedly slammed into the floor, screams cut off into whines and groans until he felt himself being dragged out of the office by his feet and down the hallway until he recognized the carpet of his bedroom. He didn’t know his father had picked up his desk chair until that too came crashing down on him before finally his own bookshelf, pinning him to the floor. The man who was once his father, perhaps not anymore, tore in half his posters of the Great Pyramids, the solar system, and Gyeongbokgung Palace.

Jongin tried to reach out with one hand, the one not pinned down beneath him, when next the man approached the tank situated beneath the large window, reaching in to pull out Optimus Prime, his tiny head poking around from side to side in confusion. But it was all like watching through binoculars or watching an old film from the back of a dark theater. It didn’t feel like he was there anymore in this situation even though he was more terrified now than he had ever been. He could hear himself crying but couldn’t feel it. He could see Optimus Prime being thrown against the wall over and over again but couldn’t do anything to stop it. He could hear his mother enter the room but couldn’t hear enough to understand her shouting. He could feel the lifeless turtle being shoved into his mouth but couldn’t process it. 

“Come on, take it,” the man whispered kneeling beside him, “just like you take cock.”

***

Just stay focused.

_“Didn’t you like that feeling, son? Didn’t you like knowing that if you really wanted to, you could crush that Woo boy?”_ his father had said to him.

Just stay focused. It’s what Kai kept telling himself when he flung open the closet door and dragged out a suitcase trying to hold back the tears in his eyes, anger and fear mixing within him as he grabbed random articles of clothing to stuff inside.

_“That boy will remember this day for the rest of his life and when you’re older he might hate you for it but deep down he’ll know there’s nothing he can do about it. How does that feel?”_

“Jongin… Jongin, I need you to stand up, I need you to listen to me!” He tried to still his brother’s shaking body but he was acting like he couldn’t hear him as he continued staring straight ahead, eyes wide with terror. He turned around and pushed Optimus Prime further away, out of Jongin's sight. 

He took out the first aid kit he’d taken from the bathroom and put a bandaid on Jongin’s forehead and on his cheek and on his chin but there was so much blood he didn’t know where it was coming from, so much that the adhesive was already failing to stick to the skin. He tried to wipe it all away with tissues but soon gave up and focused on trying to get Jongin into a pair of rainboots.

Light flooded the room as lightning struck from the clouds followed shortly by booming thunder and Jongin screamed, curling back into himself and crying more. Kai cursed under his breath. Just stay focused. 

_“You don’t understand this now, Kai, but Jongin is useless. He’s always been useless. He’ll always be useless. That means until the day he dies he’ll be at the whim of this household and I control this household. I fucking control this household.”_

He ended up abandoning the suitcase in favor of stuffing their two backpacks to the brim, forcing a raincoat over Jongin’s head and trying to get him to stand up but no matter what he did he ended up curling back to the ground muttering unintelligible words.

_“So what do you plan to do about it?”_

Eventually with Jongin’s arm wrapped over his shoulders, one backpack on his back and one strapped to his front, he maneuvered the two of them out of the bedroom, down the hall, and practically had to slide Jongin down the steps with the help of the bannister, the other boy just beginning to gain his footing by the time they reached the bottom.

“Kai… Kai… stop… where…”

The lights flickered once and Jongin clung to him tighter, twice and he began to pant harshly, and by the time the lights cut out completely Kai had kicked open the front door and Jongin was screaming again.

_“You want to report me? Break this family apart? You’re nothing without your name. Do you know how many generations this took to build? You wouldn’t survive a day without the things we have. Jongin wouldn’t last a minute.”_

Heart pounding wildly in his chest, Kai threw one of the backpacks to the side and hoisted Jongin up onto his back instead and started walking as fast as he could through the downpour. Another flash of lightning and Jongin began to violently twitch but with the crack of thunder that followed this time, Jongin started thrashing so much he sent the two of them tumbling to the ground.

_“This isn’t about love, Kai. It’s about time you grew up and realized that. It’s about power. Power keeps us together, keeps us on top. What happens at the top depends on us.”_

Kai looked from Jongin to the darkened house and to the even darker road, frustration building up within him on top of the anger and the fear.

“YOU NEED TO WORK WITH ME, JONGIN. WORK WITH ME, PLEASE!” But his shouts were drowned out by more thunder and he snapped, reaching down to grip Jongin by the shoulders and drag him down the path, mud from the lawn sticking to their clothes until Jongin pushed him away and started crawling back towards the house.

“I can’t… Kai… I can’t… STOP! STOP IT! I’M SORRY! I’M SO SORRY!” he shouted but eventually stilled and curled into himself on the wet ground. Kai couldn’t stop the tears that continued to fall from his eyes, everything before him looking strangely unfamiliar in the nighttime rain but when he crouched down Jongin still eventually wrapped his arms around his neck and allowed himself to be lifted up again. 

Just stay focused. He walked as quickly as he could down the steep, winding street, car zooming by them so quickly they were splashed with water and Kai stumbled, dropping Jongin causing his head to bounce against the asphalt, his body going limp. 

_“So if you want control, if you want complete control, take it from me. Wherever you go, I’ll find you, and you will accept what your life was meant to be. You'll accept that you're just like me.”_

The road ahead of them was dark and long and frightening. He shook Jongin’s shoulder but his eyes wouldn’t open. 

With his muddy fingers braced against the ground, he covered Jongin’s body with his own to shield him from the rain, finally letting go and sobbing freely in the chilly spring night.

**END OF PART I**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness! So grad school and my part time job started at the same time which is why readers of this fic and my other fics might've noticed I have not updated anything in at least two weeks. I apologize profusely! Now that I'm getting into the swing of things at the sudden end of my COVID-induced vacation, I hope to keep things moving. Hopefully this chapter made sense. There's a lot going on but Jongin and Kai respectively are only privy to a small portion of it. Things do get better eventually. Now we're off to part II. @__@ 
> 
> OTHER STORIES BY UNUSUAL_TABLE
> 
> [With Love, From Seoul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371987/chapters/55999948): Kim Jongin was in search of a better life. His search began with Park Chanyeol. A story told in four acts. [MAFIA!AU - CHANKAI, CHENBAEK, SULAY, KRISHAN]
> 
> [Bound by Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604130/chapters/56642974): Master had three simple rules for Wolf to follow. The first was to never go beyond the fence. The second was to never speak to lodgers. The third was to never respond to the howl of the Mountain Spirits that could be heard on nights of the full moon. [WOLF!AU - SEKAI, BAEKYEOL, LAYHAN]
> 
> [Ghost Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366250/chapters/58764295): After Junmyeon’s life falls apart, he retreats to his family’s small home near Daegu. Sequestered in his little house on the hill, he soon finds himself acquainted with an odd mailman named Zhang Yixing. [THEATRE!AU - SULAY]


	10. Part II: Chapter I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GENERAL CONTENT WARNING: This story is not for sensitive audiences.

**_You have six new voice messages._ **

**_First voice message:_ **

_ “Hey it’s Sehun. Let me know when you get home.” _

**_To delete this message, press seven. To repeat this-_ **

**_Message deleted._ **

**_Second voice message:_ **

_ “Hi… I… well for one, are you ok? I think I’m gonna get a black eye or something but… anyway I’m sorry about what I said about Jongin. I know I was being a dick. He’s doing ok too, right? I heard you messed up Jiho pretty bad… but yeah, sorry for being a dick. I’ll buy you a soda or something at lunch tomorrow. Don’t forget that I helped you kick ass today too! Coach might be pissed though… whatever. It’s Taemin, if that wasn’t obvious. Bye.” _

**_To delete-_ **

**_Message deleted._ **

**_Third voice message:_ **

_ “It’s Sehun again. Are you still at school? It’s just that some kids posted video of what happened today online and one of them is circulating around the class parents. I’m not sure if your parents have seen it yet or not but… mine have. I’m telling people to stop reposting it but… well… a lot of people were there. Still call me when you get back.” _

**_To-_ **

**_Message deleted._ **

**_Fourth voice message:_ **

_ “I’m sure Jongin must be really upset right now so that’s probably why you haven’t gotten these messages yet. I got a few people to take down their videos. Can I come over later?” _

**_To-_ **

**_Message deleted._ **

**_Fifth voice message:_ **

_ “Just checking in again. I stopped by your house but your mom made me go back home. I think she was annoyed. Ahhh… glad to know you got home alright anyway! This storm is crazy. No power or anything. I’m sure you’re taking good care of Jongin as always but if you need extra candles or something we have plenty over here. I didn’t see any in your window.” _

**_To-_ **

**_Message deleted._ **

**_Sixth voice message:_ **

_ “Hi… sorry I keep calling. But you know I always have your back, right? See you tomorrow. Goodnight!” _

**_To delete this message, press seven. To repeat this message, press one. To save-_ **

_ “Hi… sorry I keep calling. But you know I always have your back, right? See you tomorrow. Goodnight!” _

**_To-_ **

_ “Hi… sorry I keep calling. But you know I always have your back, right? See you tomorrow. Goodnight!” _

**_To delete this message, press seven. To repeat this message, press one. To save this message, press two. To-_ **

**_Message deleted._ **

**_End of new voice messages._ **

***

“Excuse me.” 

Kai’s voice came out surprisingly firm as he stared into the fluorescent lights shining from inside the food truck. He’d seen it just barely from the playground deeper inside the park, a playground that remained completely out of sight to him now even as the sky turned just a shade lighter. The man inside looked up from his phone, stubble littering his face. 

“What do you want?” 

Kai’s grip tightened around two cups of unopened instant ramen and he took a deep breath while trying once again to blink away the images in his mind of Jongin screaming and of his father’s face as he dared him to leave. None of it seemed real. He didn’t want any of it to be real. Part of him wanted to go home where a hot shower and breakfast would be waiting for him instead of wandering through the foggy park with Jongin’s blood crusting on his skin, each step reminding him of his exhaustion.

“May I have some hot water and chopsticks for these please?” 

In the storm the park had been the first break in the winding streets of large, gated homes. Jongin wasn’t waking up and Kai’s grip on him kept slipping in the rain. By the time the playground had come into view, ominous in the night, his body ached and his throat burned with thirst even though his clothes and shoes were thoroughly drenched. The sight of the gazebo eased away some of the fear that had been erupting inside of him.

“Not unless you buy something,” the man said with an irritated roll of the shoulders. Kai swallowed, toes curling inside soggy sneakers just barely managing to hold back a scoff of disbelief. 

“It’s just water.”

“Look, are you gonna buy something or not?” 

He didn’t like being in a place where he couldn’t see Jongin. He needed to get back quickly. He’d already been gone for too long. People could be entering the park soon even on a morning like this.

“How about just enough water for one bowl? I don’t have a lot of money.”

“1000 won,” the man said and Kai didn’t have to check to know that he only had 30,000 won with him.

“Can I do something else for you in exchange for the hot water then? I really don’t have a lot of money.”

“Yeah, you can fuck off,  _ Oak Hill.  _ You think I don’t know a rich kid when I see one? I’ve been hassled by you kids one too many times,” the man said, eyes directed at the crest on Kai’s sweatshirt before he turned his back on him. He turned the dial on the small radio sitting on the shelf behind him.

“ _ Shocking news breaking in the business world overnight from Kim Enterpri- _ ” the radio announcer’s voice quickly faded until it was just static, a few notes of a pop song ringing through the somewhat crisp morning air before it was replaced with the angry sound of electric guitars and heavy drums. Kai felt a chill run across his skin making him momentarily disoriented.

“Hey.” The man ignored him, looking at his phone again instead. “Hey!” He bit his own tongue to hold back what he was about to say. He’d hardly slept all night, he was hungry, and Jongin had already been showing signs of sickness in his sleep before he left. The sun was up now and the fog was clearing. A woman jogged by with her dog. He reluctantly put a 1000 won bill on the counter along with one cup of ramen. The man got to work and whistled while dispensing the hot water. “Can you turn the radio back a few stations?” 

“Go home and listen to it yourself,” he said, placing the ramen back on the counter.

“Please, just for a few seconds? Back to the news station. It’s really important… and… can I get chopsticks for this too?”

“2000 won.” Kai placed the bills on the counter and the man gave him the chopsticks but made no move to turn the dial on the radio.

“The radio too, please!”

“3000 won.”

“I thought the 2000 won was for the chopsticks and the radio!”

“No. Now pay up or scram.” 

Kai began to quickly walk back, too tired for his irritation to increase fully into anger, the warmth from the ramen bleeding into his palms even though some drops of the water splashed out in boiling hot drips on his skin. Nonetheless he stopped a moment to lean against a tree to calm down, stopping his mind from speculating too much on what could’ve happened to Kim Enterprises. Could it have anything to do with them? Had their parents already sent people out to search for them? Had Miss Kwon gone to the police? Had Sehun’s family perhaps noticed something deeply wrong had happened the night before? Did videos of what happened to Jongin or what he’d done to Jiho gotten to the press? Were they already running out of time to get away?

It was then that he realized he’d forgotten to ask the man where the nearest bus stop was like he’d originally planned. He only had 27,000 won left. He didn’t know if the medicine he’d grabbed in his rush to get out of the house was the kind Jongin would need when he woke up. He didn’t even know what park this was, how public transportation worked, or where it was he’d planned on going besides  _ away _ . 

The loud sound of Jongin’s hoarse coughing in the distance got him rushing towards the gazebo again, ramen almost spilling several times. Jongin was awake when he got back to the shelter but was still laying down on the articles of clothing Kai had used to make the space a little bit more comfortable. He was clutching his head and had his eyes shut.

“Kai?… Kai?” Jongin mumbled. 

Kai put the ramen aside in favor of digging through his backpack for different medicines and a bottle of water.

“Tell me what hurts,” he said. “Your head?” 

“E-everything… everything I… something’s wrong. Hurts to… breathe.” 

He immediately dropped everything he was holding and pushed Jongin’s hands away from his head, placing his own hands on the sides of Jongin’s face like he’d done so many times before but did so gently on account of how bruised it was. His left eye was swollen shut, his lower lip and both cheeks still bloodied and swollen as well. Jongin coughed some more and without even touching his forehead, Kai could feel how warm he was.

Fever. Headache. Cough. Hurts to breathe…

“Is it your throat? It hurts to breathe through your throat?” he asked, running through his supplies in his mind.

“My chest…”

Kai unzipped Jongin’s raincoat and grabbed vapor rub from his bag. He pushed up the sweatshirt first but went pale when beneath the soccer jersey Jongin still wore was skin completely covered with bruises much more gruesome than the ones on his face, large areas appearing as if they were splotched with red like blood or darkened black as if he were burned. He used the vapor rub anyway then filled a cup of medicine that would help with Jongin’s fever. The headache was hopefully less dangerous and would lessen once Jongin wasn’t coughing as much. It was difficult for Jongin to sit up and drink it but Kai helped him slowly even as he protested, most but not all of it actually making it into his mouth.

“Stay sitting up. I need you to eat these noodles while they’re still warm, ok? It’s your breakfast. Eat all of it. I’m going to pack everything up.” 

He turned around and started putting all the extra medicine back into his backpack but paused when remembering what the man at the food truck had said to him earlier. He’d recognized the Oak Hill crest on the sweatshirt he wore. Jongin was also still in sweatpants and a shirt from the school. They would have to change. He’d need to get rid of their student ID’s as well. They wouldn’t make it far otherwise. Any police officer would easily be able to pinpoint where they came from and if they could find out where they came from, they’d be able to send them back. 

Kai turned to face his brother again but the ramen was still sitting beside him untouched. He tried to not let his irritation show on his face, picked up the cup of ramen and placed it in Jongin’s hands instead.

“You can’t skip breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day,” he said encouragingly, not wanting to admit to Jongin or himself that this might be the only meal he’d get that day at all.

Kai’s shoulders relaxed a bit when Jongin hesitantly started to eat. He didn’t know if it was ok to take something for pain right after the fever medicine so hopefully Jongin would be alright until the afternoon. 

He got to work taking off his own sweatshirt, frowning when he realized how much clothing he’d grabbed at random had the Oak Hill logo on them. It was mostly Jongin’s clothes and their parents never shopped much for him. It’s not like Jongin ever left the house if he wasn’t going to school anyway. Of all the things he’d managed to cram inside, only two pairs of pants and three shirts would do. That, he decided, he would worry about later. 

When he finished he turned around just in time to see the cup of ramen tumbling out of Jongin’s hands and spilling all over the wood. 

“I’m sorry,” Jongin said quietly clutching his head.

“Don’t just sit there!” Kai righted the cup managing to do so before all of the soup base spilled out. It didn’t even look like Jongin had eaten that much. “This cost money, you know? I spent 3000 won on this, Jongin! Seriously!”

“I’m sorry…” 

“It’s fine.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I said it’s fine!” Jongin flinched at the volume of his voice and Kai felt himself flooding somehow with more guilt than he already felt before. He couldn’t let this become a disaster. He had to take care of Jongin, start a new life for the both of them. “You need to change your clothes. Then we can get out of here,” he said. 

Jongin heaved out another string of watery coughs, a few stray tears rolling down his face.

“Home?” Jongin asked.

“We’re not going home. We’re getting out of this park, we’re going to get on a bus, and we’re going to take the bus to the end of the line as far away from home as possible. Then from there we’ll rest a bit and find a way to get even further from home, ok? I already gave you things that will fix your fever and your cough.” Jongin who gripped the wooden boards beneath him and rubbed his heels together.

“My fault…” Jongin whispered. “I can’t. Bad… I’m bad…” 

Kai took a deep breath and looked around the park that seemed inviting now that the sun had risen. He moved to sit next to Jongin, reaching for his hand for the first time all morning, waiting until his brother calmed down a little bit, hand not trembling as much. 

“I don’t know why things happened the way they did but I know it’s not your fault. Jongin… in this entire world, this entire universe,  _ no one _ is more important to me than you are. The people in that house lost their chance to have us in their lives so we needed to leave. I know that just being out here, just waking up in this park instead of your own bed was scary for you. I know that going somewhere you’ve never been and never looking back seems impossible to you. But we need to stick together on this just like we’ve stuck together on everything else up to this point. Whatever terrible things you think might happen out there isn’t worse than what will happen if we go back to that house. Home is right here with the two of us, ok? I need you to trust me on this.” Jongin squeezed his hand a little.

“You… won’t leave me? You don’t hate me?”

“The only thing I’m sure of anymore is that I love you,” he said, and it was true. Thoughts of the past and thoughts of the future are what had kept him up during the night’s storm. It was the confusion at all that had transpired, the words between Miss Kwon and his mother, the screams and yells of his brother and his father that he could hear while still locked in the guest room, the thought that maybe their family was different from others after all. But it was best to not think about that now. Jongin was awake, they were safe, he had a plan and he would follow it no matter what. 

***

Kai fixed Jongin’s raincoat so that the large hood was up properly while an older woman glanced at them curiously from the other end of the bench. Like this it was more difficult for others to see the state of Jongin’s face. The only problem was that the coat along with the rainboots he still wore stood out today where there was no sign of additional rain. At the very least, the coat kept Jongin dry from the still wet bus stop bench. 

They had left the park the opposite way they’d entered and navigated their way a few more blocks until reaching a busier road where they eventually happened upon the bus stop. Now Kai rubbed Jongin’s back as the slow journey had made him short of breath, the crowds making him just as nervous as they always did, all the sounds and lights making his head hurt more.

“Is he alright?” the woman asked, gesturing to Jongin. She looked to be in her forties, dressed for what was likely an office job.

“Yes,” Kai responded. “He just gets cold easily.” 

The woman looked doubtful. It was probably not the best lie given the weather of early summer. But it was just a bit breezy today and that was likely what let her bring her attention back to the book she was reading. Jongin coughed and groaned. His fever hadn’t gone down at all even with the medicine and his grip on Kai’s hand kept moving between iron tight and almost completely limp. 

As more people began to gather at the bus stop, Kai studied the map that was luckily situated close enough to where they were sitting. He looked at the routes going north, assuming that was their best bet as they were already further north in Seoul than they were to the south. 

The crowd around them cleared out mostly with the first and second bus that stopped in front of them and the third bus was the one Kai was looking for. He looped Jongin’s arm around his shoulders again, his brother’s face contorting in pain as he stood. His left ankle couldn’t handle too much consistent weight and his front hurt too much for Kai to be able to carry him on his back like he’d managed to do in the thick of everything the night before. The bus driver looked at them oddly when Jongin struggled to get up the steps but ultimately left them alone when Kai paid the correct fare.

“How do you feel?” he asked once the bus started moving. Jongin pressed his head into his shoulder but didn’t answer. Before long, Jongin was lightly dozing which Kai was grateful for. Compared to the other busses that had passed, taking circular paths further into the more central parts of Seoul, this one was considerably less packed.

Kai watched the city move past him, many cafes, shops, and office buildings. He’d never taken public transportation before and usually never bothered to look outside the tinted windows of the cars that would take him places. Jongin eventually woke up after a rather sharp bump in the road leading to another lengthy string of coughs that had people nearby glancing over in concern. 

“Breathe, Jongin,” Kai said quietly, rubbing his back again in worry. “Try to breathe normally.”

After checking their surroundings, Kai decided to help Jongin out of the sleeves of his raincoat, keeping it hanging on his body by the hood. The material was trapping in too much heat, adding to the discomfort of the fever. The sweat on Jongin’s skin was visible, hair getting matted to his forehead. Jongin seemed thankful for the fresher air and dozed off again. 

An hour later the bus pulled up to its final stop, the last handful of people exiting. Just like on the map he’d read before, they were at Daehwa Station. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting but he was hoping it would look at least a little bit more… rural. They were still very much in Seoul. 

Just like before, their movement down the street was slow, Jongin whimpering or groaning almost with every step, quickly becoming short of breath. Kai followed the signage for Goyang Stadium which was only a block away but beyond it seemed to be a lot less crowded and a lot less populated by buildings than in the other direction. Against him Jongin was breathing rapidly but shallowly, the pounding of his heart noticeable just with a touch to his neck. They needed to get a little further though. Ahead looked very green which meant parks or maybe even entire fields. It would be a good place to rest for a while. Maybe Jongin could stay hidden there while Kai went back towards where the bus had dropped them off where he could smell all sorts of food coming from restaurants and grocery stores. 

“Kai… Kai, blood…” 

It was the first time Jongin had spoken since they’d left the park that morning and the first thing Kai did was check his face, spotting fresh blood on his brother’s lips that could’ve come from the cuts there. But Jongin kept raising his arm so he looked down. The sleeve of his raincoat was also splattered with blood, more joining when Jongin turned his head to cough into his shoulder instead. Kai’s grip around his brother tightened some more.

“I have… I have medicine,” he said, trying to keep his own rising sense of panic out of his voice. “You’ll feel better once we get to the park.” Jongin nodded weakly and was silent again until the end of the next block.

“Kai… stop…”

“We’re almost there,” Kai said encouragingly. “We just-” but he was interrupted by another string of violent coughs before Jongin’s legs completely gave out beneath him, hands clutching against his chest as he struggled to breathe. “JONGIN!” 

He should know what to do. He had prepared for this his whole life. He had learned so much about different medicines, how to care for people, and how to do CPR because Jongin’s health was never good, his heart was never good. But his mind was blank, his eyes quickly filling with tears.

“HELP! PLEASE! SOMEBODY!” he yelled. Even past the bruises, Jongin’s face was pale, his skin burning, and as quickly as his struggle began it stopped as he fell still. Unconscious. “JONGIN! JONGIN!” 

He stared wide eyed when someone fell to a kneel on the other side of Jongin’s body, the sound of sirens starting a second later. It was a fireman, and further down the block on the opposite side of the street was a fire station. 

“My name is Lee Dongwook and I’m here to help him,” the man said. “Tell me what happened to him.” As he spoke, he tore open Jongin’s raincoat and cut open his shirt. Beside him was a bag of medical supplies. A car from the fire station pulled up beside them on the road.

“He… he… he couldn’t breathe. And th-there was blood. Coughing. He’s sick. He’s got a fever. And a bad heart. And he was in the rain. And he’s hurt…” 

The man started ordering around the others who had arrived, one of them moving to tug Kai away. It broke him out of his stupor, immediately trying to punch and scratch and kick to no avail. He could hardly see Jongin’s body anymore as the sound of more sirens approached. 

“LET ME GO! THAT’S MY BROTHER! DON’T HURT HIM! LET ME GO!”

He closed his eyes and began purely screaming with all his might, forcing his weight from side to side until he felt like his lungs would burst but still there were hands all over him keeping him away from Jongin’s side.

It couldn’t end here. He couldn’t fail. Not like this. Not so completely. 

“Not gonna leave you,” he repeated under his breath as his body continued to shake, vaguely noting that he had been moved from the sidewalk where Jongin was to the back of an ambulance where Jongin wasn’t. His body was kept straight on the stretcher, the lights above him blinding before he was engulfed by darkness. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have midterms starting tomorrow but here we are writing fic instead haaay~~~~ Hopefully this update was ok. ^_^ 
> 
> OTHER STORIES BY UNUSUAL_TABLE
> 
> [With Love, From Seoul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371987/chapters/55999948): Kim Jongin was in search of a better life. His search began with Park Chanyeol. A story told in four acts. [MAFIA!AU - CHANKAI, CHENBAEK, SULAY, KRISHAN]
> 
> [Bound by Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604130/chapters/56642974): Master had three simple rules for Wolf to follow. The first was to never go beyond the fence. The second was to never speak to lodgers. The third was to never respond to the howl of the Mountain Spirits that could be heard on nights of the full moon. [WOLF!AU - SEKAI, BAEKYEOL, LAYHAN]
> 
> [Ghost Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366250/chapters/58764295): After Junmyeon’s life falls apart, he retreats to his family’s small home near Daegu. Sequestered in his little house on the hill, he soon finds himself acquainted with an odd mailman named Zhang Yixing. [THEATRE!AU - SULAY]


	11. Part II: Chapter II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GENERAL CONTENT WARNING: This story is not for sensitive audiences.

_It was a sunny day at the beach and the sand felt like clouds beneath his feet. There were only a few of them in the sky, far outnumbered by the birds that flew overhead. The crash of waves against the shore didn’t seem nearly as intimidating in real life as they did in movies. Kai was right. He had been afraid for no reason._

_“You shouldn’t go swimming right after you eat, you know,” Jiho said with a snarky grin. Jongin turned over what was left of the ice cream cone in his hand and nibbled on it but when he lifted his head back up, Jiho’s face was so close to his that it made him dizzy. “Why do you look so nervous?”_

_“I…” Over Jiho’s shoulder he saw Kai splashing amongst the waves, a pretty girl watching him who only stood just within reach of the water. Her long hair flowed out from beneath a pale pink sun hat and whatever expression she wore on her face was only for Kai to see who looked back at her with his head thrown back in laughter. Soojung. Her name was Soojung. “Why are you here?” he asked as Jiho’s hand reached down to hold his own. “You said no one could see us like this.”_

_“Your family doesn’t mind. They’re already used to you being different. And I… I really like you, Jongin. There’s no place I’d rather be.” Jongin could feel his face heating up so he turned away, failing to be discreet because Jiho laughed at him anyway._

_His parents sat beneath a large beach umbrella and Jiho pulled him by the hand to lead them closer. His mother looked up from the book she was reading with the kindest gaze he'd ever seen._

_“There you boys are. He’s having another seizure. Need more sunscreen?”_

_“Yes please, Mrs. Kim,” Jiho said. Jongin looked between them both in confusion._

_“Wait…” he began. “What did you just say?” Suddenly, a strong breeze swept across the beach and everything became darker as all three clouds in the sky seemed to block the sun at the same time. He felt an even colder dampness on his skin and when he looked down he realized he was wearing wet and muddy Hillside Soccer gear with even muddier rain boots. “Jiho… I… we should leave.”_

_“Why?”_

_“I think there’s a storm coming. It’s not safe out here.”_

_“What are you talking about?”_

_“I just… I want to go. I want to go home. We need to go home now!” His chest lurched in pain and he felt short of breath, his heart racing. He didn’t want this to happen. He didn’t want to lose control in front of Jiho. Quickly, he tried to shut down all of his senses, closing his eyes, covering his ears, and hunching away from all watching eyes. But Jiho still grabbed him, shaking his arm until one hand fell free._

_“Jongin! Look at me. Everything’s fine. See the sun?” Slowly he managed to open his eyes and the beach was nice and bright again, his forgotten ice cream cone stuck in the sand. He gasped when Jiho leaned over to kiss him gently on the lips. “You’re alright. This day is all for you. Enjoy it.”_

_“For me?”_

_“Of course,” a deeper voice said from behind him. He turned around to see his father who clapped both hands on his shoulders. “We’re so proud of you. Now go out and give some attention to your brother before he starts sulking again.” Another look back at the ocean showed Kai still in the water while Soojung seemed more occupied building castles in the sand. Kai spotted him and waved._

_“Jiho, is it ok for me to go in the water yet?” The boy looked him up and down a few times, hands reaching out to straighten his purple swim trunks that had somehow gotten twisted. When had his clothes gone back to normal?_

_“Yes. I think you’re ready now.”_

_The next second they were just at the edge of the ocean._

_“I’m afraid it’s going to be cold,” Jongin confessed. They’d come all the way out here just for him but he was still afraid of the mass of water that seemed to have a mind of its own. Nevertheless, Jiho urged him forward and when his toe touched the foam of the water it was warm and comforting._

_Kai was further out than he remembered him being but it only made him try to swim faster. The further he swam, the less the water seemed to resist his movements and before long Kai was stretching out his hand to pull him in until they were facing each other with stupid smiles on their faces._

_“I wanna show you something,” Kai said. His eyes reflected the sun and not a single trace of stress or frustration shone on his features. Perhaps this is what Kai looked like when he got to spend the day playing outside instead of huddled up in their bedroom together. If only this could’ve happened sooner. “I found a place beneath the water. It’s right under our feet.”_

_“I think you’ve been watching too many movies, Kai. Let's go back. You should put on some more sunscreen.”_

_“Go back where?” Kai asked. Jongin furrowed his brows then turned back around to point only to see the wide expanse of the ocean touching the sky. The beach was nowhere in sight. The water around him was starting to feel cold._

_“Kai… Kai this is bad!” Kai’s limbs began entwining with his own as his brother looked at him with a concerned gaze._

_“I thought you knew that. You don’t even know how to swim.”_

_Jongin barely managed to suck in air before they plunged together beneath the surface. Kai’s legs had the weight of an anchor, locking him in place even as he tried to reach for the surface that was getting further and further away._

_“Relax, Jongin,” Kai said gently. “We can breathe down here. It’s ok. It’s all ok. I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you. I’d never leave you.” Kai’s voice sounded strange underwater but at the same time he looked oddly peaceful, almost glowing, and with one look down in the distance, Jongin saw light. “Just breathe.” He could feel his insides burning, the tears building up in his eyes instantly stolen away by the salty ocean water, but Kai’s voice was so gentle, so sure, and endlessly confident even when muffled by their environment. “Trust me.”_

_Jongin opened his mouth and then he was drowning, Kai assuring him it would only hurt for a second but he tried to claw away again, panic combusting within him as the light above grew dimmer and the sparkling lights below grew brighter. With one last scream his limbs grew weak as water took up the rest of the space in his lungs. It hurt like being torn apart from the inside but soon enough like waking from a dream the pain was gone and below them bright lights illuminated the entire ocean floor. He could breathe but it was cold. Everything was cold as Kai whispered comforting words into his ear._

_“It’s safe down here, Jongin. You don’t have to worry about anything ever again.”_

_“I’m cold…”_

_“I know. It’s-” Out of nowhere it felt like electricity thrummed through him under his skin. Kai vanished before his eyes. The lights below rapidly began to grow dim or burn out completely._

_“Kai?” His voice seemed to echo as if he were in an empty room instead of suspended below the surface. “KAI!”_

_By the time the electricity shot through him again he was left in absolute darkness._

_And even in that darkness, he fell even deeper into nothing._

_Alone._

*** 

Kai tried to stop his hands from shaking by closing his fists as tightly as possible. An old fluorescent light buzzed overhead and a clock ticked above the door. The bright colors and shapes on the walls of this room might’ve made a younger child more calm in the face of a hospital stay but he had already done enough damage at this point for everyone here to know better. Eyes focused back on the door, he wondered if they’d placed a security guard on the other side. But he didn’t plan on running again, didn’t plan on fighting anyone again. If he did, they might follow up on their threat to move him to a different building, one where Jongin wasn’t. 

His head lolled to the side to look up at what his IV was attached to. Dehydration and shock, they’d said. So he’d gotten a needle in his arm and been sedated twice. The first time, with no warning, when they took Jongin from him. The second time when he’d fought his way out of this very room to go find his brother. The second dose must’ve been stronger. The clock indicated it was almost six in the evening meaning there were many hours he had no recollection of. Maybe his body had just been that exhausted. But his hands… they wouldn’t stay still, like they were the only part of him still fighting on their own to get out of this place. 

The pathetic sight he must make only made his failure all the more complete, his failure to take care of Jongin like he’d always done… or maybe he’d never done. He would’ve never taken Jongin away from that house if there weren’t an absolute need to. There had been so little time to plan, the need to _get out_ making every second they spent in there suffocating. He hadn’t been himself, hadn’t been able to think. But the world was so big. _Seoul_ was so big. Sitting on that bus, hungry and tired, he’d watched it go by through the window. He’d never felt so small. But it wasn’t over yet. They still weren’t back at that house. Jongin would be alright, he _had_ to be. A world without his brother was… impossible. Nothing else would matter anymore if he didn’t have Jongin. The important thing now was staying strong so he breathed deeply until the wetness gathering in his eyes faded away, sniffling only a few times in the process.

He had almost dozed off again when the door to his room clicked open and closed. The man who walked in wasn’t the same one from earlier, the one he’d punched in the face. That had probably been a nurse. This man was in normal clothes. 

“Hello? Are you awake?” the man asked, and when Kai gripped his hands together, he realized they were no longer trembling. “No need to be tense. I’m Dr. Hwang from the Sunflower Children’s Center. I was invited here by the ward’s social worker. Are you up to having a conversation with me?” Kai immediately hated the tone of his voice, speaking to him as if he were a toddler. Even without him providing a response, the man pulled up a chair to sit by his bed. 

“Are you hungry? I heard you threw your food away earlier,” he said next in what must have been an intentional understatement. The food tray was what he’d initially hit the nurse with, right before he punched him. He somewhat doubted he’d be given another tray. Still, Kai didn’t answer, just like he always instructed Jongin to do whenever he was in a strange setting or around people he didn’t know. In those situations it was best to find each other as quickly as possible… no matter what. 

“Is this your first time running away from home?” Dr. Hwang asked. “It must have been scary. Especially for your brother. You must care about him a lot. I bet your brother will feel a lot safer here when he’s out of surgery than he did on the street. How about you? How are you feeling?” Kai clenched his jaw and looked resolutely forward while the man shuffled through some papers, sighing. 

“I’m not saying this to threaten you. I’m saying this to inform you. If we don’t get more information about your situation, even when your brother is out of surgery you won’t be allowed to have contact with him.” That caught his attention but Kai quickly made his head snap back forward again. He felt far less off kilter than he’d been before, like he finally had full control of his body back. 

“That’s a lie,” he said firmly. 

“Is it?” Dr. Hwang leaned in. “Three broken ribs, a punctured lung, internal bleeding, skull fracture, concussion… heart failure. If someone was trying to kill him, they were almost successful. Had you not been within shouting distance from a fire station we might be having a very different conversation right now. As it is, after assaulting three healthcare workers, I can’t confidently say that you were not at least partially responsible for your brother’s injuries.” 

“You’re full of shit,” Kai hissed. “Leave me alone.”

“If you begin by telling me your name, I’ll be able to help you both,” Dr. Hwang continued anyway, his voice going back to how it was when he’d first started speaking. “I know you’re not in the foster care system. But none of us here can protect you from who hurt you if we don’t know where you come from. A police inquiry has already been made. You’re only delaying the process by not cooperating.” 

Kai turned his back to the man, pleased that keeping his and Jongin’s name a secret was paying off. He had been right to have ditched their Hillside clothes and student ID cards. Identical twins weren’t common and even with a last name like “Kim,” handing over that information would start the gears of his father’s influence turning and just like that, it would all be over. Just like last time. Just like… however many other times their parents had been on the verge of being found out, all those hiccups he and Jongin dismissed as normal family happenings. 

“I know what’s best for my brother. Not you,” he said, still facing the wall. “If you want to help us, then you’ll get us transportation up to… up to Paju. A bus to Paju.”

“Why Paju?”

“BECAUSE I SAID SO!” he yelled, whipping back around to face the man who didn’t seem alarmed in the slightest by the outburst. Almost instantaneously, a hospital security guard flung open the door but Dr. Hwang shooed him away. “You said you wanted to help me? That’s how you can help.”

“What will you do in Paju?” the man asked calmly. “If you show up to an orphanage, they’ll let you in but they’ll start asking questions. The police will get involved and you’ll be in your current situation all over again. You came here with barely enough money for one good meal. How will you find work? Where will you put your brother while you’re working? Does your brother even want to be on the run like this? Is it all worth not having a roof over your head?” Dr. Hwang held his gaze as if watching the gears turn in Kai’s head. 

“It’s more than worth it. And like I said, I know what’s best for him. He trusts me.”

The man leaned back in the chair and Kai chose to turn his back to him again, resting the side of his face against the pillows. Before long, the door opened and closed again and Kai was left alone with his thoughts. Despite how much he wanted to stay awake throughout the night, eager to hear any updates on Jongin, he was asleep again not long after leaving his dinner - tray removed - untouched. 

The next morning was when everything started to fall apart.

“You’re looking good, young man,” the nurse said to him. “You’ll be discharged today.” Kai squinted sleepily at the older woman. He still felt tired and he was starving. He hadn’t eaten since before his last soccer game. With everything that had happened since then, it seemed impossible that only two days had passed.

“What do you mean?” Kai asked. “Discharged to where?” When his stomach growled, the nurse pushed the attached table with a small plate of kimbap, bowl of soup, and cup of mango juice towards him.

“You’re in perfect physical shape. As a rule, we can’t keep you here another night. Dr. Hwang will be back this afternoon to take you to a center for children.” 

“What about my brother? Where is he?” The nurse frowned. 

“The only update I have about your brother is that he’s out of surgery but still being kept in the ICU in a medically induced coma. He’s not in the clear just yet. Visiting hours for that ward won’t begin until later but there’s a security hold on your visiting privileges. I’ll make sure to get the message to Dr. Hwang that you’d like to see him before you leave.” The nurse put the clipboard back to hang on the end of his bed and turned to walk away.

“Wait!” Kai called after her before he had quite formulated his thoughts. 

“Yes?”

“Is there a computer room? Or a computer? One I can use?” The nurse looked like she was amused by the question. 

“Maybe if you eat your breakfast, I’ll see what I can do.”

It wasn’t the response he was expecting and the confused silence left in her wake was eventually interrupted by the sound of him slowly, then very quickly, drinking his soup. Three anxious hours later, his wish was granted and a young staff member came to escort him to a small technology and recreation room just down the hall. The woman gestured to a computer station with a smile. 

“You’ll be allowed fifteen minutes. Is that alright?”

“Yes,” he said and watched as the woman pulled out a chair for herself a bit behind him, opening up her phone. Fifteen minutes… 

_Paju._ The search engine showed a city of beautiful parks and gardens, bridges and cozy storefronts. When speaking to Dr. Hwang, it was the first place that came to his mind that would be in the direction he’d seen the bus line they’d taken yesterday going. The map before him confirmed he’d been correct. 

Jongin would like this place for sure. Even if he was scared now, he would like this place much more than Seoul. With so many parks, there were lots of places they could sleep while it was warm. By the time it got cold, Kai knew he could get enough money or know enough people to find something better. When Jongin was allowed to leave the hospital, he would be as good as new and hopefully wouldn’t get sick for a while. The journey ahead wouldn’t be as difficult as the journey behind.

Kai let himself begin to hope, just a little bit, glancing at the woman beside him still on her phone before reaching between the computer monitors to grab an abandoned pen. After pulling the tip of the pen across his skin a few times, it finally began to write. He wrote down the bus directions to Paju on his forearm as neatly as he could along with the road names and lengths should the bus not work out. From home, they might as well be halfway to Paju already. This could work!

_Sunflower Children’s Center._ His second search, the place Dr. Hwang came from. It wasn’t located that far away, just a twenty minute walk in the opposite direction of Seoul. He tried to look up staff information and spotted the man’s name but the only phone number available was for different departments instead of individuals. He scribbled the number down on his arm as well, just in case. He didn’t trust Dr. Hwang, but given the circumstances he was the adult Kai didn’t trust the least. The time on the computer read 11:58 AM. He still had a few more minutes left, enough for his final search, one he was hesitant to make.

_Kim Enterprises._ Immediately, the screen filled with articles all published over the past day: 

_“Kim Enterprises Embroiled in Fraud Scheme”_

_“CFO of Kim Enterprises Arrested on Fraud Charges”_

_“Byun Taewoon, CFO of Kim Enterprises in Custody for Fraud”_

_“Kim Enterprises CEO, Kim Gunwoo, Speaks on Scandal”_

Kai kept scrolling, thankful that in all of this there was no mention of him or Jongin. But Byun Taewonn, that was Baekhyun’s father.

His thoughts went to his teammate. Former teammate. That was a life left behind. He closed the browser a second before he was tapped on the shoulder. 

“It’s time to head back,” the woman said. “It’s lunch time!” 

Like his private room, even the hallways in this hospital were like a rainbow. Heart still racing and arm oriented so that all the writing there wouldn’t be too obvious, it made him wonder if Jongin had ever been taken to a pediatrics wing during emergency visits. The staff here, even with all of Kai’s antics, seemed less cold than the hospital closest to home. And it dawned on him then, that even with everything up in the air as it was right now, his future unsure, he felt so much better not being in _that house_. It was like… being free. Almost free. Jongin was relying on him to get them both through this safely. The last thing he would ever do is let Jongin down. 

Kai stopped in his tracks right in front of the door to his room as his escort began animatedly speaking to someone else who was passing them by. Right there by the door frame was a sheet of paper placed in the plastic holder. At the top, in big letters, typed in bold: **KIM KAI** . Below, smaller: **KIM GUNWOO (FATHER), KIM CHIORI (MOTHER).**

“You’re alright here, Kai? Head inside and I’ll be right back with your lunch,” the woman said, satisfied by the small nod he gave. 

_They knew._

_How long had they known?_

Kai looked back down the hallway where he just came from and ahead down the hallway where he saw the woman waiting for an elevator right across from what seemed to be an administrative area. With no one looking at him, he started walking. Steady. Straight. Faster. He arrived at the desk where yet another nurse, he assumed, was leaning.

“Excuse me. Is there a phone I can use?” This woman was young too but far less peppy in demeanor than the one who had just left him. 

“What for? What room are you supposed to be in?”

“Room 418,” he said. “I wanted to… I was wondering if I could call my mom. Please?”

Kai’s face, despite being identical to Jongin’s, always had a colder set to it. But in a situation like this, maybe the very real distress he was feeling was working in his favor as one of the people behind the desk took him back to a small office room. Left in privacy once again, Kai dialed the number he’d thankfully written down.

_“Sunflower Children’s Center,”_ a voice said on the other end of the line. _“How can I help you?”_

“Hi. Can I talk to Dr. Hwang?”

_“May I ask who’s calling?”_

“Kim Kai. I’m at Myeongji Hospital. I spoke to him yesterday and had a question.” A beat of silence.

_“Please hold.”_

Now it wasn’t just his hands that were shaking. It was his whole body that felt unsteady. He pulled the desk chair towards him and sat down. He shouldn’t be this afraid. He had to be brave.

_“Hello?”_ a familiar man’s voice said.

“Dr. Hwang… what happened?” 

_“This is Kai, correct?”_

“Yes. You can’t send me back there. You can’t send us back there. It was my father. He’s the one who did those things to Jongin. I… please, Dr. Hwang. You have to believe me! You have to get me bus tickets to Paju! They’ll… they’ll kill him if you don’t!”

_“Calm down, Kai. Please.”_ It was the same tone the man had used yesterday, but it didn’t upset him. Kai calmed himself by looking aimlessly at the shelves above him, filled with all sorts of binders and files. 

“Do my parents know where I am?” he asked quietly. “You can’t let them get to me. You need to get me those bus tickets. I looked up where you work. It’s not far away. You need to let me see Jongin. I swear I didn’t hurt him. I’d never hurt him. Please understand that.”

_“There are a number of reasons why I can’t do any of that,”_ Dr. Hwang said. _“Even if I’d like to. The police inquiry into your case is over. I can see the concerning factors about your situation… but Kai, they tell me you attacked a boy at your school just the other day and Jongin’s issues. Counseling has been recommended for the both of you and your parents have been forwarded my contact information.”_ The anger inside of him quickly grew, hot and agonizing. 

“You can’t do this to me. You said you would help. I… I need help. I need someone’s help. Just one bus ticket. Just for Jongin. That’s all I need. Don’t make me beg. Don’t do this to me!” 

_“This is the help you need, Kai. Be kind to yourself.”_

The call disconnected. 

No one escorted him back to his room so when walking back down the hall, Kai passed it completely until he got to the opposite end of the floor that had its own set of elevators and a stairwell, just like he’d thought he’d seen when leaving the computer room. He was on the fourth floor. The directory by the elevator doors said the ICU was on the second. He hurried down the stairs, the heavy doors opening onto a setting that was a far cry from the colorful place he’d been before. Everything was blue and white, somehow even smelling more sickeningly sterile. No one paid him any attention as he made his way to the central nursing station.

“I’m here to see my twin brother, Kim Jongin,” he said to a man seated there. “What room is he in?” 

“You’re unaccompanied?” the nurse said, doing a once over of his hospital clothing before looking up past where Kai was standing. Kai followed his gaze, turning around until he noticed a security guard walking up to them. 

“There you are,” the guard said to him then faced the nurse. “This one seems to be a wanderer. They’ve radioed all of us, panicked, from the fourth floor.”

“I just want to see my brother,” Kai said, holding his ground. “Why won’t anybody let me see him? Did something happen? Did something go wrong?” The guard’s eyes widened at his tone and he bent down to be more at his level. Again, Kai heard more footsteps coming up from behind him. It was the nurse who had woken him up that morning.

Around him, everyone was staring. 

Kai could still feel the ink he had pressed into his skin. The way to Paju and its pretty parks. His fingertips tingled with the memory of the horrible feeling of being pulled away from Jongin’s body on the sidewalk. In his mind, he could hear Jongin’s screams as they’d sounded when he’d been locked inside the guest room while his father beat him. He remembered Jongin being laughed at, dressed so crudely in front of the whole school. He remembered all the times Jongin smiled when he shouldn’t have, just to make him feel better. What had he ever done to earn Jongin’s trust? What had he ever succeeded in protecting Jongin from? This wasn’t fair. None of this was fair. 

With a scream, he kneed the guard in front of him between the legs and ran. He pushed past shocked hospital employees and sent a rolling cart crashing to the ground. He made it back to a stairwell, his hospital slippers falling off his feet as he went. He sprinted across the hospital reception area, through the lobby filled with parents and children who didn’t know how to react to what they were seeing. 

He got through the glass doors, the afternoon sun of Goyang hitting his skin before he was tackled to the ground. 

***

_Hospital._ That was the first thought that went through Jongin’s mind, the lights above a violent and intense white. 

_Sick._ That was his second thought, one brought about by how absolutely terrible he felt. Everything hurt and even with an oxygen mask over his face, each shallow breath he took burned. 

_Kai_. His third thought. Kai wasn’t here. Just coats of white hovering. The pain in his chest increased along with the digitized tune of his heartbeat.

_What happened?_

His eyes rapidly looked at all the moving shadows above him until one of them spoke.

“You’re alright,” a woman’s voice said clearly. “You are at Myongji Hospital. My name is Dr. Seo. Blink twice if you understand me.” When Jongin did, the woman appeared to let out a breath she was holding. To his relief, the lights above him dimmed. “Good. You experienced some head trauma so we will be walking through a number of checks starting with movement and then speech. Blink twice if you understand me.” 

It was a silly thing to be proud of. Blinking. But Dr. Seo seemed happy about it and Jongin always felt a bit of pride whenever he was able to follow directions. That pride quickly vanished when Dr. Seo stopped looking at him and instead started speaking to the others hovering around. Her words were so fast coming in all jumbled to his ears. And the other voices that responded… they were loud, booming like thunder until Dr. Seo shushed them. 

“I’m sorry about that,” she said in the manner she’d spoken before. Jongin’s momentary anxiety settled. 

The next steps were all easy. He could open and close his hands and could more or less move each of his fingers at will. He could wiggle his toes and rotate his ankles. He was happy until his mind began to drift, everything coming back to him. 

All that had happened. All the people he had let down. Jiho didn’t want him anymore. His parents didn’t want him anymore. Optimus Prime was gone. Kai was in trouble. Kai had looked… lost. Jongin had never seen him look like that before. Had he let Kai down too? Kai hated it whenever he ended up in the hospital. There were so many people he had to apologize to. If they were home again, Kai wouldn’t look so lost anymore like he had all during their adventure together. Things could go back to normal. But even in his own head, Jongin knew he was lying to himself. Because in his bedroom, with his father standing over him like that, he thought he was going to die.

“I’m going to lift this off of you now for a moment,” she said, removing the mask covering his face then pausing to observe him. “Good. That’s very good. You’re a strong kid.” In any other situation, the compliment would’ve made him embarrassed. “Now. Say your name for me please.” Jongin moved his lips to form the correct sounds with his mouth but it felt foreign to him. Creasing his eyebrows, he tried to say it anyway.

“J… J-J-Jo… Jo…” He could feel his left eye twitching with the effort. The growing concern on Dr. Seo’s face didn’t help. He started to panic. “J-J-Jo…” 

“It’s alright,” she said, hand coming to rest on his shoulder. “Slowly is fine. Slow like I’m speaking right now. Jo… ng… in.” 

“J… J-Jo… n-ng… in. Jo… ng… in. Jong… in.”

“Perfect. Try telling me how old you are, Jongin.” Several times, Jongin breathed as if he were about to speak but cut himself off short. Somehow, doing things so simple right now made him so tired. 

“Fo-… fou… ti… n.” 

“Wonderful,” Dr. Seo said. “This will all likely get easier for you over the next few days. Your body went through a lot. Can you grip your fingers around what I’m placing in your hand right now?” He did. It felt square and plastic with a button on top and some sort of cable or wire coming out of one side. “This is connected to some pain relief medicine. You can press it whenever you need to. It is also controlled by a timer so you won’t be able to administer more than what’s healthy for you.” Jongin meant to nod or say something to communicate that he understood, but both tasks seemed too daunting at the moment. Instead, he blinked twice and Dr. Seo caught it. “Great. You do have visitors now. I’m sure you’ll feel better around some recognizable faces.”

_Kai!_ he thought, and it must’ve shown on his face because Dr. Seo patted him on the shoulder gently once more before walking away. Kai was alright? His parents came back? Could Jiho even be here too? He might have difficulty speaking right now, but he would do his best to apologize, even if it took longer than usual to get the words out. He felt himself smiling, however shakily. He pressed the button in his hand, a beep going off on one of the machines around him, and almost immediately began to feel less pain. His head and chest were the worst but it all mostly washed away. It was then he began to notice and feel all the wiry things attached to his skin and the needles in his arms. But he had no time to be scared. He had to get ready. Quickly. 

“K…” he began to practice. “K… ai. K… ai. Kai. Ok. I. Ok. L… love. Kai. Sss… so. Ssso… rry. So sorry. Kai.” A nurse came by then and with a small nod adjusted his bed so he was sitting up just a little more. Jongin got confused though when a man and woman he’d never seen before walked in. 

They had bright smiles on their faces… but they were strangers. 

Where was Kai? 

“Hello there, Jongin,” the man said, walking forward until he was right beside him. Jongin averted his eyes. He could feel his palms starting to sweat as he grew more confused. “I know this is our first time meeting but my name is Kim Dohyun. I’m your uncle, your father’s younger brother. That is my wife, Lee Jieun,” he said, gesturing to the woman standing at the foot of his bed with a bouquet of flowers and a small teddy bear.

“It’s nice to meet you, Jongin,” she said. 

Then Dohyun’s hand reached out for his but Jongin’s hand flinched away, dropping the small square controller. For a moment Jongin was afraid Dohyun would be mad at him but a quick look up at the man’s face showed no similar expression to that of his father even though Dohyun did look like he could be related to him. His father never mentioned having any siblings. 

“You look so much like your mother,” Dohyun said a little more quietly almost as if meant only for himself.

“Kai?” Jongin whispered. 

Dohyun stayed silent for a long time.

“K-Kai?” he said again.

“Jongin… like I said, my wife and I are here. We’re so happy and eager to get to know you. I have a son who is older than you but goes to your school. His name is Minseok. I haven’t been able to be part of your life up to this point because my brother - your father - and I have had our differences. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve had to go through, but you’re my family. You always have been and you always will be.” Dohyun paused and Jongin felt his throat constricting around nothing, the walls of his reality slowly beginning to crack. “One of your house staff reached out to me just a few hours ago and said you might be here. Two days ago, your mother picked Kai up and brought him home. We all think it would be best if you lived with us until things settle down.”

“Kai?” he said again. “Left?” 

Shakily, Jongin tried to get the hospital bed sheets off of himself, Jieun coming around the other side of the bed to stop him from moving that way. But he needed to get out. He needed to get home. That’s where Kai was! He didn’t know these people! He didn’t want these people! But he couldn’t get there. 

He started trying to shout but it only came out in unintelligible rasps as it was getting harder to breathe. He kept pushing with all his might but he was being held down, the uncomfortable mask placed back over his face. 

Kai had promised. He’d promised to never leave him. Promised to never hate him. 

But maybe, in the end, he’d failed Kai too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAAAAAY HAPPY 2021 IT'S YOUR LEAST FAVORITE AUTHOR BACK AFTER WAY TOO LONG WITH AN UPDATE THAT HOPEFULLY WAS WORTH THE WAIT????? I'm so sorry, whoever still might be reading this. As you can see, I am not reliable. But I am trying to be. School happened and I've spent my winter break doing my best to catch up on all my fics (which I have except for this one) but thank you so much for anyone still taking the time to follow this little adventure. One of my other fics only has two more chapters left so with that done I hope to have a lot more time to begin giving you more Two Minutes more often!!!!
> 
> OTHER STORIES BY UNUSUAL_TABLE
> 
> [With Love, From Seoul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371987/chapters/55999948): Kim Jongin was in search of a better life. His search began with Park Chanyeol. A story told in four acts. [MAFIA!AU - CHANKAI, CHENBAEK, SULAY, KRISHAN]
> 
> [Bound by Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604130/chapters/56642974): Master had three simple rules for Wolf to follow. The first was to never go beyond the fence. The second was to never speak to lodgers. The third was to never respond to the howl of the Mountain Spirits that could be heard on nights of the full moon. [WOLF!AU - SEKAI, BAEKYEOL, LAYHAN]
> 
> [Ghost Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366250/chapters/58764295): After Junmyeon’s life falls apart, he retreats to his family’s small home near Daegu. Sequestered in his little house on the hill, he soon finds himself acquainted with an odd mailman named Zhang Yixing. [THEATRE!AU - SULAY]


End file.
